Just need to vent

[resoundingMeh]

I'm really, really sad right now.

 

Some pretty unsavoury things happened in this relationship that I ended a few minutes ago, but the straw that broke the camel's back was actually the first one.

 

We were really into each other, or so I thought. He swears by it to this day.

 

We started dating in late August two years ago. In early September he started telling me he loved me. At the same time, he was literally stalking and spamming some old ex of his on Facebook, Skype and over the phone, to try and get her to see him. He was doing this every time we went out together and every time he invited me over. I would ask him to come to bed and he would stay online for another couple of hours until she went to bed.

 

I noticed he was chatting incessantly with some girl calling her pet names, and asked playfully if I was the other woman. He insisted that that was just a friend, one he had never had any other relations with. In late October he admitted that it was his ex, but that they were on good terms as friends only. I was crying a lot and asking him often for a clear explanation of what his feelings were for each of us, offering my support if he really wanted to pursue her.

 

In early December he said that he hated her because she had been cruel to him during their relationship and wanted to meet up to show her how happy he was with me, but that that wasn't going to happen now since I was nagging him so much. In late December I finally convinced him to tell her off and cut contact.

 

Despite chat, call and message logs showing long, almost daily conversations, he has, for the last year, been adamant about the following:

1. He only chatted with her briefly for a week.

2. He never asked her to see him.

3. He never told me she wasn't his ex.

4. He didn't do anything wrong by stalking, spamming or pursuing her while insisting that he loved me.

5. He had his reasons for contacting her which are none of my concern.

 

 

The fact that he so blatantly lies to my face and declares that I'm imagining things when I bring it up is tearing me apart, but what really gets me is that, to him, this kind of behaviour is perfectly fine. That's what really makes me so very, very sad.

 

He isn't too good at making sure he gets enough food and sleep. He says he doesn't care. I once said that since he didn't care about himself but did care about my happiness, he could view taking care of himself as contributing to my happiness. He said that the ex had said the same thing, and had an unpleasant look in his eyes. It got me thinking that maybe he has been enacting his revenge for that unpleasant relationship upon me. That'd be pretty creepy, but his attitude toward going behind my back is still a lot more painful.

[Luvlove]

I know its easier said than done, but a liar is a liar is a liar and you will go nowhere with them but down!!

You need to realize your worth and leave him. He has no respect for you.

Im sorry you are going thru this pain.

I know exactly how you feel and I am telling myself this as well as I telling you....

God loves us and doesnt want us to be in pain over people who say they love us and then lie to us in the same breath.

No beuno.

Love and respect yourself enough to walk away from that behavior.

[resoundingMeh]

Thanks for the lovely reply, Luvlove!

 

I told him we're no longer together (he kept asking me over and over whether or not we were together after that) and spoke my mind. I spoke my mind - my entire collection of opinions about him and his behaviour. That felt really awesome. I hope everyone's nasty mistake of a partner is able to hear the opinions of the ones they hurt completely and without censorship when people like me finally break free!

[Luvlove]

Thanks for the lovely reply, Luvlove!

 

I told him we're no longer together (he kept asking me over and over whether or not we were together after that) and spoke my mind. I spoke my mind - my entire collection of opinions about him and his behaviour. That felt really awesome. I hope everyone's nasty mistake of a partner is able to hear the opinions of the ones they hurt completely and without censorship when people like me finally break free!

 

You are so welcome!

So proud of you!! You win. Loving yourself more then someone who treats you bad is always the winning hand!!

Now make that respect for yourself stick by going no contact and moving forward! Xo

[resoundingMeh]

I promised I would support him (emotionally) through his surgery, which is is next week, and recovery. Hopefully he'll forget about it. If not, it'll only be a month and I won't have to take his terrible behaviour anymore. I can do that.

 

I'll vent some more. Even though he was just a mask, I lost the person I love, over and over, during the past two years. That also makes me pretty sad. Somehow the realisation that that person never existed doesn't give me any comfort.

 

The sudden transformations from the guy I started going out with to who he really is and back felt somewhat like an earthquake in my head.

 

It still hurts a lot when I remember how I was contorted with pain and he was watching me and calmly assuring me that yes, he did care that he hurt me, but it was my problem since he had done nothing wrong. So many times.

[Luvlove]

I am going thru the exact same thing. 2yrs on a rollercoaster. Today is 15days no contact. He is trying every avenue to reach me and get a reaction. It is so hard! I am starting to feel sorry for him...but I just remind myself of all I have already given him. I have nothing else to give nor does he deserve it.

The mask/fake feelings thing does not give me any comfort either. It is a very hard pill to swallow. I understand how you feel.

I hope you can get out of the whole "support" scenerio. You really should reconsider. It is ultimately your choice. You owe him nothing. He lied to you over and over for 2yrs. That is not love.

 

SELF RESPECT. SELF LOVE.

 

Have a good day friend!