Open & Shut

[greenie35]

Soo...I've posted before about this man at work I am totally attracted to and who it seems has been making some serious eye contact with me for months now. Well..I've finally been discussing the end of my relationship with co-workers hoping that word of mouth would reach him. I also received some information that he was pretty much in THE EXACT SAME situation I was in. Moving out of his girlfriends...potentially breaking up...etc etc...Soo...

 

I have been trying to work up the nerve just to talk to the guy...just say hi. He intimidates me in the worst way. He is in a band for one...He is beautiful and the way he carries himself just gets me spellbound and I lose complete control over rational thought and language making it extremely difficult for me to initiate any kind of converstation. I have been taking my breaks at the same time he get off work hoping to catch him and hope for some meaningful converstation. Well, I think he finally caught on to this, but the timing couldn't have been worse.

 

I was walking out to my car to get some change for the vending machine, I was going on 3 hours sleep from being up the night before turning things over in my head about my past relationship, my lack of friends in this new town, the stress of school and just generally feeling poopy.

 

He walked into the building and then walked right back out and in my direction. Under normal circumstances it would have been the ideal situation for us to talk...away from all of our co-workers...it was beautiful and sunny and warm...I panicked. I was unprepared...I simply looked up turned the other direction and said "See Ya" That was it...See ya...What a freakin' dummy...

 

I heard him say under his breath in this annoyed uncertain tone.."Yea, see ya." I felt so completely stupid. I lost my chance...my window was there wide open and I blew it. How can I fix this?

[FuriousSam]

First of all, treat him like a normal guy. You might like him, but seeing him as some god on Mt. Olympus will only mess you up. Now, since it looks like he made the first move, you have to do something now. You missed your chance on that one, but if you don't do anything about it, it'll get worse. Just simply go up to him and say hi to start a conversation (Once again, by treating like a normal guy, you should have no problem doing this). If he asks you what happened last time (And don't bring it if he doesn't), just tell him what you typed here.

[greenie35]

I really think that I am coming off rude to him. You put it really plainly...its amazing how easy other people can make it sound....You are right though. I should just treat him like a normal guy. I just dont know what would follow hi. I thought about introducing myself to him and apologize for not doing it sooner ---admitting that I've become kind of shy since I moved down here. Then wait for a response and if I don't get one just be like "Ok, just wanted u to know that." and make my exit. I'm always looking for a way out of his line of vision because his staring has makes me uncomfortable, but I like it at the same time. Maybe I just need a drink before I go into work. ...jokin'

[DN]

why don't you go up to him and say something like "I'm sorry I kinda rushed off the other day. I don't know why I did that. It was not what I wanted to do at all"

 

Big emphasis on "at all".

 

Say it with a big smile and then wait for his reaction.

 

I know, I know, but you can do it - just takes a bit of courage, is all.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi Greenie,

 

I agree with Furious_sam: treat him like a normal guy. Stop worshiping him like a God and bring him down from the altar where you put him. You are as good or even better than he is.

 

Right now, there is too much at stake: you have very high expectations.

 

You imagine the two of you of you together, can see how perfect this would be, etc.

 

In fact, you go too fast. The first step is to establish a connection in whatever way: complicity, flirt, etc.

 

No dating, no serious conversation.

 

What happened in the first contact was perfect in itself.

 

It was okay! Nothing to worry about.

 

What you want is to establish frequent contacts in whatever way: eye contact, say "hi", "how are you today" when you see him, simple things.

 

Let him notice that you check him out.

 

Don't embarrass him in public though. Keep it subtle.

 

Keep this game on the light flirting ground. Don't focus on dating him or "securing" a relationship with him. Focus on fun and light flirt first.

 

How do you flirt? Forget about what others think or say, dare to play the game. Let him see or notice that you like him. Let him notice that you check him out. At the same time, show him that you are free and enjoying your life as it is.

 

Initiate contact some times but don't look like you are simply available waiting for him to "rescue" you from your life.

 

Keep the mystery alive! Don't unveil everything.

 

By the way, rather than relying on others gossiping or hoping he will get the word that you are single, establish direct contacts with him. Make a move, break through and then step back and let him take a step or respond in his own time.

 

If you feel you said something silly or behaved in a stupid way, forgive yourself and try again. No one is perfect! Imperfections are cute!

 

Trust your instinct and respond to opportunities on the spot when you see them rather than thinking about it or hoping someone else will do the work for you.

 

Flirting is a state of mind. Think about it day and night

 

If you are not sure of your moves, practice with a non threateining targets ("male victim" ) flirting online on dating sites is a great way to develop some new flirting skills.

 

See it as a life territory you want to master and conquer.

 

Enjoy and good luck!

 

vitalcoach