Confused.. HELP!!!

[Ghalerine]

I'm new in LDR, it's been so hard for me to accept the situation at first but after some thinking I finally accept it.. but now that i did something suddenly happened..

i know how important communication is and we've talked about it already.. but because he's really so busy, everyday talk had not been possible for us.. we've just set a definite day to talk.. despite all these it's really been hard to avoid not to miss him those days that we're not able to talk.. and i can't avoid to feel bad not having him to accompany me in some activities that he's supposedly there with me...

to be able to overcome such feeling I make myself be surrounded by friends all of the time.. i even do make new friends.. and there's this guy.. he's being a good friend to me.. he was almost always available to accompany me whenever i needed one.. he made friends with my friends and even with my family.. at some point he was able to help me to lessen that terrible feeling i'm having whenever i miss my bf.. one day, i just woke up and realize that i am actually spending a lot more time with this guy than my bf and that i am actually enjoying his company.. and more.. i was not able to tell my bf about him.. i did tell my bf that i met this guy.. but i was not able to tell him that i'm actually accompanying him in most of my activities..

i do love my bf.. very much.. but this guy.. he's getting my attention.. i am afraid that i would just wake up one day finding my self falling for this guy.. a thing i don't wanna happen.. but, i never feel any guilt whenever i am with this guy.. and he well knew that i have a bf..

what do you think i should do?

[DN]

Decide for sure that you love your boyfriend and immediately spend much less time or no time at all with the other guy. Ask your boyfriend to make more time to be talking to you to ensure you keep that special connection. Tell him you are worried that the combination of LDR and limited chat time could hurt your relationship

 

or

 

Decide that if you are having too much interest in other guys that the LDR is not working and think about how to either improve it or end it.

 

You have some hard thinking to do but maintaining an ldr, which is difficult under the best of circumstances, is much more so if you have other potential romantic distractions. You should not be thinking about or doing both at the same time

[clodhopper]

Hi Ghalerine....

 

I wanted to just give you my perspective from personal experience, NOT to say at all that your situation is the same or will turn out the same!

 

I was doing longdistance with my guy last year. We got together October while I was home from school, then went back to school and maintained LDR. Meanwhile I became really good friends with this guy in my residence. I admit that my LDR was short since it just started in October but I felt strongly about him, we had planned a trip together in December, we had a set day (like you said) that we spoke and the rest of the week I spent distracting myself going out with friends etc.

 

I went home in December and went on the trip, which didn't go as great as planned but that was reasons to do with just me and the guy, not my guy friend at school. Anyway I started to realize that this guy friend of mine had all the qualities I looked for, I had more fun with him, I talked to him more... my boyfriend and I ended up breaking up. I initiated it (not totally to do with my guy friend, but it was part of the reason... but there were TONS of other reasons also)... he agreed about those reasons, we left on good terms and are now friends that talk occasionally... and I got together with my guy friend.

 

Anyway I guess I just wanted to show you that yes these situations happen, and they're hard to deal with when you're in a LDR cuz you'renot around your guy all the time, and instead you're hanging out with this other guy. However I think the difference between your situation and mine is that it doesnt seem like you and your current guy have problems like we did... i didn't love him, we weren't in love, etc, where as it seems you guys are.

 

I think you just find it comforting to have someone close that's there for you, not to say that he's a substitute for your current boyfriend. But yes ask your guy to talk to you more so you maintain your special connection. And maybe if you're going to hang out with this guy, make sure it's in a group so flirty situations don't come up... good luck!