need Advice, please help me out.

[CaliSunrise]

My gf of 5 years recently broke up with me because of the way our relationship was going. For months my head wasn't in the right mindstate and I was treating her bad, ignoring her and not improving myself or showing a future for us. We had some rough times and a breakup over the past 5 years but we also had a blast and have a ton of good memories, traveled and are deeply connected with each other.

 

She left saying she needed to be single and live on her own without depending on someone and travel with friends ect. Note she does things without thinking it through a lot.

 

I showed my emotions and looked weak trying to convice her we can work ect. She was hot and cold to the idea and then eventually ended it. She said she couldn't say wether or not we could get back together but wants to remain friends.

 

After the breakup I sent a clean slate text saying sorry for what I had done and saying I realized where I went wrong and said thank you for the time spent ect. I went no contact after that text and then she texts me 5 days later because she saw a a social media post I made and basically tried to meet up to drop something off and then complimented me and said thank you for understanding.

 

She then went on a trip to Cali with a couple friends and I continued NC and then she texted 5 days later saying that she has been thinking of me and wish things turned out different and that she is so confused ect. I didn't answer untill the next day and stupidly said I felt the same and then she said she's fine and just was thinking and sorry that she texted me. I said it's ok and then she sent a couple more nice texts.

 

 

 

I really evaluated my relationship and see where I went wrong and what I'm losing in her. I want to marry her and giver her the life she always wanted. I need some advice.

I haven't seen her in a month but she has texted me and I replied a a week ago. I'm thinking of texting her in a couple weeks and asking to catchup over some coffe. I want to show her I've improved and just generally show her I'm happy. But is it too soon to do that? Should I wait even longer? Or when I meet her have a serious discussion about us and tell her I can't be friends with her and just tell her what I'm willing to do for us and what she will be losing in me?

 

All of our pictures are still up online and she's always looking at my Instagram. What do you guys think of my chances of getting her back? What should I do?

[Clinton]

Really, it sounds like the damage is done and there's no going back.

 

Your call but usually all staying "friends" does is let them have the comfort of having you around while they move away to a new life. You're an emotional crutch.

 

Pictures still up online don't mean anything. Neither does her looking at instagram.

 

I've found the best thing to do is move on as if they are never coming back and let the future take care of itself.

[loveburns12]

How long have you been broken up for? It doesn't sound like for too long, and to be honest no one can change or improve themselves in such a short time. You should not be talking to your ex, it's only hindering your ability to move on. You need to block her on social media and go full NC.

[CaliSunrise]

We have been broken up for about a month. I am thinking of texting her on Easter and asking to meet for coffee or a drink either that day or the next. Im wondering if I should just keep the conversation happy and up beat and show her I'm improving or drop the bomb on her telling her I can't be friends I want a relationship and if she doesn't I'm gone. I'm not ready to give up yet. I'm just looking for some positive words right now to help me stay positive and get through this week. If I have to eventually block her out of my life I guess I'll have no choice. But for right now I have to stay positive.

[loveburns12]

Well if you can keep all your emotions in check then go for it. I mean I know how I am a month and a week post break up and emotionally I would not be able to handle seeing him as much as I want to get back together with him. I would give it way more time....give her time to actually miss you.

[MitraC]

This is almost the exact same situation im in except her talking to a new male friend was the catalyst for change as she wondered what else was out there. She said things like "i want to be independent" , " i dont want a boyfriend right now" "i want to travel on my own". I think what happens is we become a bit too comfortable in our lives, and almost take it for granted. We start thinking that the love we feel as a couple will be enough, when sometimes it isn’t. Even though we didn’t do anything wrong, we slowly stop showing the qualities that made us attractive to them in the first place. At the point of breaking up they’ve been thinking about it for a while, and once it happens any pleading or bargaining the dumpee does just pushes them further away as it is even less attractive. The only hope for them to reconsider is to go complete NC so they don’t have that conversational or emotional support from you, and they start to wonder what you’re up to. You become mysterious again and that creates a feeling of attraction. Of course this works a lot better if you actually do work to better yourself and not just to make her want to come back to you. You also have to question if you truly want to get back with her. You may not find the ultimate answer to that question until you're weeks to months into NC. I would not text her to meet up. She left you and should be the one to reach out. You're just letting her know that you'll be there for her no matter what which just hurts your chances. In your case I would make your feelings clear to her that you want to work on yourself, and that you don’t know what the future holds but that you don’t think you should be in each other’s lives right now. This will show her that youre capable of being without her and that will resonate with her. Im in the process of going through a similar situation right now so I cant say that the above is entirely correct, or how you should start NC, but maybe you can take something from it.