what happens after a fight ?

[Wetash]

What to make of a guy if he keeps piling up things in his head, doesnt tell me because he thinks he ll hurt me.. eventually I have no idea what went wrong and one day he comes and says things kept piling up, I cant be in a relationship right now ?

Is it fair that I dont even know what went wrong? I am asking this because whenever we fought, I would always tell him lets sort it out then and there... he ll never want to and I ll think the next day that everything is normal and I ll forget about the fight or anything related to it and my feelings just kept growing stronger. I had no clue he kept everything in his head. For had I known, one of us would have seen the way to sort it and tried to make sure such things dont get repeated in the future...

And the other thing is. Is it okay to be with someone who gives me the vibes that anything can happen , this will break anytime , dont get your hopes high. or should we choose someone who makes you feel like this is going somewhere even after rough times in the relationship ? A guy who leaves you because he knows you are getting serious in the relationship and try talking about the future. what to make of that ?

He doesnt care or he is genuinely scared to make a committment? I am 24 and I wasnt looking for 'lets see how it goes' relationship. All of us know anything can happen , but is it wrong to expect the person you are with to show he would make it work forever or am I supposed to be okay when he says 'lets see how it goes'?

[greta96]

The way I see it, "the other thing" is directly related to the first problem you brought up in your post, actually it generates it.

Based on everything you wrote about this guy, he is not into you. Look at all the signs "gives me the vibes that anything can happen , this will break anytime , dont get your hopes high"[/b]. A guy who is into you would never make you feel this way, he would want you to feel secure and have high hopes for the relationship. A guy who leaves you when he sees you're getting too invested in the relationship was not seriously in the relationship to begin with, he was only casually seeing you.

If it's a relationship you are looking for, you need to steer clear of this guy and guys like him.

 

Which brings me to the first part of your post. Because the guy sees you as "casual", he doesn't invest himself emotionally and sees no reason to work on fixing issues and resolving conflict the way a guy who sees you as serious potential would. This is why he keeps "piling up" unresolved issues - so when he finally decides to let go of you, he can bring up a whole slew of things he didn't like and shut you up if you try to come up with arguments against the breakup.

 

This guy was not the right match for you. The one who is will treat you in a completely different manner, will try to work with you to resolve conflicts and he will reassure you every time the running gets tough. That's the type of guy you should be aiming for.

[Clinton]

The Champ gets the belt and the loser has to wait for a rematch.

[ParisPaulette]

Ugh, passive aggressive BS.

 

I'm sorry, if this is how someone always is, all I can tell you is to dump them out of your life and move on. You're shadow boxing with someone who deliberately stores up imagined AND justified hurts to use later out of nowhere.

 

If you have to walk on eggshells with them it's far better to pelt them with the box of eggs you have, tell them to clean their mess up, then leave.

 

I agree, this guy is also just not that into you. And it's a control mechanism some use. There shouldn't be any of this crap after the first time when you tell them, 'Hey, please don't store things up. Voice when something bothers you so we can solve it right then and there, okay?" They do that again, remind them what you said the first time. A third time? Yeah, time for you to bellow "Three strikes and yer out! Take your ball and go home!"

 

P.S. Scared to make a commitment is the most ridiculous fear. You want to be scared of bears or car wrecks, fine! Me too! But never let someone off with that old tired excuse. If they're scared to commit then they shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with, maybe tell them to go get some therapy so they stop jumping at shadows and get a backbone instead.

 

Seriously that whole "scared to commit thing" stop giving a pass to people who pull that. This guy just doesn't really give a sh(( and he's passive aggressive 'cause he likes hitting you in the kidneys when you aren't looking.

[Wetash]

Yes I agree.

Funny he used to tell me that I am extremely sensitive and he isnt able to be free about anything with me! I am sensitive, but any sane person would want to know if something is going wrong right!

I felt like he had lot of anger against girls in general, because in the beginning he told me he liked me cause I dont do 'drama' like the other girls. His ex I assume was like that, and he tolerated it for a long time and finally she left him.

Whenever I fought with him or cried or well sometimes, we do show that we need more affection, he used to be like. Typical girl.he got disappointed because I was yet another 'girl' for

Him!

What do you people think of such guys ?

And yes, due to his piling stuff up, I felt he was just judging me for my actions and behavious All the time, seeing whEn what could go wrong.