Girlfriend going holidaying alone

[brokenheart73]

Hi,

 

I have a trust issue with my girlfriend - we are having a long distance relationship. We talk every night on the phone, she tells me she loves me and has never felt this way about anyone before. We have been together for about 4 months or so.

 

2 weeks ago she broke some rather shocking news:

 

1. She has organised a long weekend away to a retreat in the mountains alone.

2. She is planning on going to Europe for 2 months later in the year alone.

 

About a month ago, we were planning on doing these two things together and she was very happy to spend time together. She was planning on taking me away to a retreat in the mountains on my birthday later this year. All of a sudden she doesn't want me to come. What do I make of this?

 

Anyway, last week I asked her about which retreat in the mountains she will be staying at. The response I got was "you ask too many questions". I asked again yesterday and got the same response "you ask too many questions". She finally revealed the name of the place. I was planning on sending a gift her direction to the place where she would be staying, only to find out the name of the place doesn't exist in any telephone directory, or online directory.

 

I then asked her what the address/suburb was of the place she will be staying at and she plainly refused to tell me.

 

Is she cheating on me? I don't feel I can trust her any more.

 

John.

[Iwanthim]

I don't know but to me I would say yes she is cheating. If she lied to you about the name of the place what else is she lying about....

 

I would ask her straight out and if she say you are asking too many questions. maybe its best to end it

[jbutterfly2020]

Sadly, it sounds as if she is cheating. "You ask too many questions" is her way to throw you off the subject at hand. Its a way to cover up what really is going on.

 

Your best bet is to end the relationship and cut out the need to worry about the lying and cheating.

[DN]

She may or may not be cheating.

 

But even if she is not, the blatant and hurtful disregard for your feelings would be enough to end the relationship immediately. That sort of behaviour should not be tolerated or forgiven, because it reveals serious character flaws that are unlikely to change.

[brokenheart73]

That's what I thought too. She was trying to cover it up.

 

I have ended it.

[DN]

what did ahe say when you did?

[brokenheart73]

she said she couldnt believe i accused her of lying... i just hung up after that - im done with ldr's - there r plenty of girls in my city... its a pity this has happened cos i thought she really loved and respected me. a month ago she was even talking of moving down here to be with me...

[DN]

what will be your response if she phones and wants to get back together?

[brokenheart73]

ill probably tell her the truth. ie i dont trust her any more and love is based around trust.

[DN]

OK. As I said inmy post, she may or may not have been cheating and you have no proof. But the disregard for your feelings is enough, at least it would be for me.

 

Good luck in finding someone who cares as much for you as you do for her. I hope you are not hurt too much.

[arwen]

Obviously, here on the forum we will never be able to tell you whether she cheated or not. But you ended the relationship, and I completely see why. Once you feel your trust is gone, and you see red flags all over the place, I think especially in LDR, things will be really complicated.

 

In general, I see the 'you ask too many questions' as the biggest red flag. People who lie or hide something will do anything to avoid the topic.

 

I hope you are fine. I was in LDR for 4 months and although we really felt a lot for each other the distance made us break up anyway. It's just very difficult, it almost seems you need MORE trust somehow.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[volution]

It takes great courage to say that... That really is the only option though. It is clear she doesn't truly love you, or she wouldn't be hurting your feelings like this. She is playing games.

It may be hard, but tell her you don't want to hear from her again.

Don't contact her yourself either - otherwise you'll just end up getting hurt.

 

ill probably tell her the truth. ie i dont trust her any more and love is based around trust.