Pressures of being a man

[MetalJoe]

Quality of life is what I'm talking about. Sure, London's pretty damn expensive - but you are paying to live in London, one of the most exciting cities in the world. Incredible nightlife, huge historical and cultural center.

 

It's not just London though. The UK in general is very expensive - high taxes, high house costs, high cost of living. Public transport is in a bad state, health service is falling apart, education is under-funded, and they're talking about people having to retire in their 70s or older because the pension system is messed up. Things have gotten a lot worse in the last few years, with no sign of getting better.

 

I live outside London in a fairly unexciting part of the UK and even when I had a well-paid IT job, I could only dream of owning my own house, while renting took a hefty chunk out of my monthly pay. Back on my old salary, I could only afford a house half the cost of the cheapest one in the area, most are about 3-4 times the amount I can afford.

 

It's no wonder most of my friends have either emigrated or are planning to.

[MetalJoe]

The conclusion? The only thing we can do is to improve out salary relative to the average salary around you. So it is again: try to go to college, gt a degree, open a business... or whatever you can come up with.

In US people feel in the same position, it is all RELATIVE to the average income.

 

It's easier said than done over here. In fact, at the moment it seems the UK rewards people who don't want to educate themselves and don't want to work.

 

Free tertiary education was killed off by the Labour government, leaving students in ridiculous amounts of debt, particularly in underfunded areas like medicine, engineering and science. It's becoming the case that only the rich can receive a degree-level education.

 

Over here, it works out better if couples split up after having a child because of the benefits received. It works out financially better for parents and child if the family splits up! Quickest way to get a council-owned house around here is to become a single, teenage mother - which is exactly what a lot of kids do, because it's the only way they'll be able to afford somewhere. No wonder we have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

 

We have an absurd number of people claiming benefits because they are supposedly incapable of working, yet they are fine, while often those with legitimate claims are ignored or not given the same support. I could earn more by claiming unemployment benefit than I can in my current (part-time) job - it's just that I believe in earning my money. I'm still trying to get a suitable IT job after 4 months of searching! And I have a degree and several years of very good IT experience.

 

Anyway, rant over ;-)

[al7]

The only thing we can do is to improve out salary relative to the average salary around you. So it is again: try to go to college, gt a degree, open a business... or whatever you can come up with.

In US people feel in the same position, it is all RELATIVE to the average income.

 

I still wonder what is the point here.. ok, you conviced that life in UK in more expensive than in US. You really think the more money you get the happier you are??? Then most US people live in some sort of paradize.

It is all relative to the average income of people in your area.

If you earn more than most people you feel good. If you have good friends, you feel even better. It all depends on the relative things...

 

You simple compared prices in US & UK and made a conclusion. But you did even look at other aspects of life, they eveythintg else just doesn't matter.

 

And I have never seen ANY people from UK who came here recently. Where'd they all go?

[Caldus]

I've never considered money to be a factor for my happiness in life. Sure, it's a way to measure how successful you are. In the end, money is not going to get you all of the chicks. It might get you some chicks, but chances are you probably won't find that one chick you're looking for.

 

It really is important to just be happy with who you are right now. It really is true that if you think the rest of your day will be *****y, then if you don't do anything about it then it will be *****y. If you let yourself be depressed about not finding a date, then you will be depressed and people around you will notice that.

 

A good way to handle this is to just let go of the fact that maybe all of your friends are married or have girlfriends. Also let go of the fact that you've probably never been on a date or whatever your situation may be. Forget about that and just concentrate on the better things in life until those things roll around. Yes, go out there and meet women but do it to have fun and socialize with them. Most of the women you meet will not end up being a good match for you anyway. Ever realized that?

 

In a nutshell: just try to have some fun and don't be too serious about it. If it's meant to be, then it usually happens naturally.

[al7]

I've never considered money to be a factor for my happiness in life.

 

Well, money is of tremendous help, especially if you earn more than the rest of people. Sure, if you were born with a good character and i s taletnted in social skills you will get more women than you can handle.

But what if you were not, and is not? An average nerdy kinda guy.

There is no classes like "communication101" no labs.. you don't study it, unless maybe you are lucky enough to live in some big city where you can find some sort of seminars about it.

 

An avergae nerd should learn everything from scratch and mostly by himself. Imgine that: you face a problem in math: you try and it seems it is too hard to solve. You try more.. same result. If you are persistent you try again.. and again but it is still there, unsolved. One way is to quit, and got frustrated. Or just quit.

anther one if you are lucky enough to have better than average money is to just ... use it Wirte something good in you online dating profile in the line"income" (dont right average numbers), and you'll get immediate results.

Note, it is not really important "how much exactly"... the ratio of your salary and an average one is what is really important.

 

Besides, the younge you are, the less importance money give you...

[Caldus]

al7,

 

Believe it or not, money is not a tremendous factor for some people (like me). I don't think it ever will be for me. I admire how you analyze things carefully but I don't think you need to analyze the money issue too much.

 

As for the social skills: that's gained through experience. You just have to get out there and meet people. The more you meet, the better you will get at it. Four years ago I was a complete hermit. I never went out. I had no social skills whatsoever. I finally started to meet more people and eventually got better at socializing. I have to admit that I still have my flaws but who doesn't? Besides you don't have to make socializing such a serious thing anyway. Just laugh it off when you say something stupid in front of people. Sometimes people like it when you're able to not take everything so seriously.

[al7]

huh. Some people in their young 20 make almost no money. That means their average income is quite low, so then if you make ANY money it is good. Thats why you may not feel its importance at all.

 

You said you changed in last 4 yrs, so you can be sure you will change in next 4 yrs, and next 4 yrs too. I can assure you, those changes will include money ratio (your pay with respect to others).

There is an exception of course: unless you are (or will be) really good with women. Sure if your social skills would grow much faster than your income, you will be fine and will still think money is not important.

So it all depends. I could not developed my social skills good enough for example.

[Caldus]

al7,

 

1. You're right, making any money at my age is a good thing. At my last job I got paid $9.50 an hour. That's not too bad for someone my age. To be honest I'm really not too worried about finding a good job in the future. I've got some experience in my field and plus I have lots to offer to some companies. thereforeeee money is not a big issue to me right now.

 

2. It's just money anyway. There is no correlation between how much money you make and how good of a person you are to other people.

 

3. You can still develop social skills. All you have to do is get out there. Join a club or organization. Get a job that requires you to talk to people a lot, etc.

[al7]

3. You can still develop social skills. All you have to do is get out there. Join a club or organization. Get a job that requires you to talk to people a lot, etc.

 

Lets comcentra on solutions: we agree social skills beat money.

For the last month I visited about 7 different organization, all of them

have to do with communication. Man, it was kinda.. horrible most of

the time.

The best one is toastmasters club. Very organized, but there they all already good at public speaking and doesn't give a dam* about your more personal social skills.

I check my uni classes: there nothing even close to "intro to comm. with women 101" or "Gender communication 101". Nothing.

No seminars or workshops. I can't find parties to go to.

and I am sorry I can't join church: they are better than any sleeping pills...

[Caldus]

al7, where do you generally live? Maybe that has something to do with it.

 

It's obvious that you're trying so that's good. That's what counts so far. The best you can do is ... well ... to try your best.

 

Try a sport club. Those are always good for forming relationships with other people. It's been working good for me so far. I'm in a tennis club and all of the people are cool. No pressure at all. Just come and have a good time and socialize a little!

 

As for the party thing, just to try to make some new friends with guys. Maybe you can eventually get invited to parties through them.

[MetalJoe]

I still wonder what is the point here..

 

Yeah, I think we might've strayed a bit ;-)

 

ok, you conviced that life in UK in more expensive than in US. You really think the more money you get the happier you are??? Then most US people live in some sort of paradize.

 

No, I'm not saying the US is a paradise - it certainly wasn't when I've been there, although I do feel you have a better quality of life than we do over here. Again, I should point out that the UK is still better than many countries and I appreciate that as well.

 

Money != happiness. I of all people know and appreciate this because of what has happened to me over the last year and a bit. However, sadly, money is important for living, for buying a house, for raising kids and all the other things I want to do with my life. I was with friends last night, and the recurring theme with the couples is that most of them can't even afford a house, so they can't afford to start a family. One friend of mine pointed out that she can't even afford to get married, because she and her fiancee would be a lot worse off financially if they did. Does that seem right?

 

It is all relative to the average income of people in your area.

If you earn more than most people you feel good. If you have good friends, you feel even better. It all depends on the relative things...

 

I place friends and family above money any day.

 

You simple compared prices in US & UK and made a conclusion. But you did even look at other aspects of life, they eveythintg else just doesn't matter.

 

I've been all over the world and I compare on more than just prices. Things like cost of living need to be weighed up against the average wage. Because of high prices and high taxes, the advantage we have of a higher average wage is lost. When I lived in Australia last year, the cost of living was so much cheaper - despite me earning less I could enjoy doing a lot of things I couldn't afford back in the UK.

 

And I have never seen ANY people from UK who came here recently. Where'd they all go?

 

Florida probably ;-) Actually, Canada, Australia and places like Spain and France seem to be the popular places for Brits to emigrate to. Most of my friends are looking to move to Canada, for example, particularly those who have lived and worked over there and know the country well.

 

Sooo... anyway, back to the pressures of being a man? ;-)

[al7]

1. I do feel you have a better quality of life than we do over here.

2. I place friends and family above money any day.

3. I've been all over the world and I compare on more than just prices.

 

1. I am perplexed.. I didnt say anything about how good\bad it is in US in terms of money. But there is this discussion here "How good you should feel in US". Hmm....

Besides, quality of life is not measured by the size of your home or apartment. MOst people here can afford to buy a huge house, but since it doesnt come with prestige, they pay about 10 times more only cuz they want to feel like "all other people". I am sure you also have way of buying a house, just it is not gonna be that cool...in the opinion of others.

See? Happines is relative terms, it depends on you financial situation with respect to other people. IF none of your firends can afford a house, so you will alright, you are one of them.

 

Moreover: quality of life has nothing to do with you absolute income, not with relative one. I am very poor here. You have friends? I don't.

You have troubles speaking? I do. etc etc. So just don't assume sombody feels better only due to his country.

 

2. Then you are 100% happier than I am.

 

3. Did you compare social situations? Friends? Ability to get some?

Family? Hospitatlity of people? Climate? Language? Health care?

Culture?