she gave up on me

[knownot]

hello

ok well here's one you may not have heard.

there's this girl, and she is probably the best friend i have (dont have that many). Now i have known her for 2 years and have liked her just as long. Thing is i think she probably liked me too back when i met her. I am a rather shy person and social things have never been my forte. Now the problem is that she used to try tremendously hard to get me to come out to lots and lots of stuff but i declined on many occasions just making up stupid excuses for some reason or another, i really don't know why, shyness and such (yes i know i am stupid). She would get very cross with me at times and i have never seen her get soo worked up when someone else wouldn't come to something.

 

The trouble is that she no longer bothers with the whole trying to convince me thing. I have asked her why she no longer gets angry with me on such occasions and she said she's given up or thats she's over it.

 

Now i know that it is my fault and that i have tried her patience but what i would really appreciate is some advice on what i should i do about it? i really like her but i dont know what to do to change her mind again.

thanks!

[dreynolds]

First things to answer are:

1) Why do you decline going out? Does it stress you out being in large crowds? Feel like you stand out? OUt of place?

2) What do you want with this "friend"?

 

I used to be in the same boat - friends would try to force me to come out - but I was pretty overweight, hated a lot of things baout myself, didn't have fun when I went outo because I was shy and nights out usually resulted in everyone else laughing and having fun and me just waiting to go home. Thign is - because of my 'attitude' - i fell into a major depression....so be careful!!!!

 

That was a while ago now - changed things about me - built up my self esteem - i'm still not a huge fan of the club scene or large crowds - but i do enjoy it from time to time.

 

You have to figure out what's holding you back first - before you can figure out what to do with your friend. If she enjoys crowds and parties and going out - and wants you there - then it's something you'll have to change if you want to actually be with her. OTherwsie - you're not really matched. She can't spend another 2 years trying to coax you out of your shell....that's your job....at least to figure out what you want to change!

 

Grab a piece of paper - think about tonight, huge group of people getting together at a club downtown - you're invited and your friend calls to figure out the plan to meet and head down. Think about getting ready, an hour befor eyou're ready to go out...what's going through your head....what's stressing you out? Write these feelings down - and the reasons for these feelings. Then address them!

[VictorWard]

I am a rather shy person and social things have never been my forte. Now the problem is that she used to try tremendously hard to get me to come out to lots and lots of stuff but i declined on many occasions just making up stupid excuses for some reason or another, i really don't know why, shyness and such (yes i know i am stupid). She would get very cross with me at times and i have never seen her get soo worked up when someone else wouldn't come to something.

Just a theory, but is it possible that you just enjoyed being treated like a victim?

You said you're shy. It's a lot easier to use that as your excuse, than to actually go out and face your fears. I think dreynolds gave some great advice and you should give it a try.

[FuriousSam]

If you really liked her, you would have gone out. You don't really like her and you are just telling yourself you like her because you know she liked you.