Broke no contact?

[eJaime]

Background: I'm 45, she's 26. I have kids, she doesn't. We met at work, started dating and spent hours talking in person, on the phone and texting. I asked the usual questions about me having kids and whether or not she wanted long term leading to marriage or if she wanted to date around. She wanted long term. And age difference wasn't an issue. She likes older. And she always mentioned celebrities that had age differences like ours. We got along perfectly. We both fell in love and acknowledged a future together. We went as far as to talk about the rings she likes and what kind of house she prefers...how many dogs. But we always maintained that if we did get married, it would be at least 2 years. I've never loved anyone like I love her. She just obtained her masters degree and is currently looking for a job in her field. Our relationship was perfect. We didn't feel the need to spend every second of every day together and we still had separate lives. There were 0 fights, 0 arguments and 0 disagreements.

 

Two weeks ago (4 months of dating), she said she needed some time because our relationship progressed pretty fast and she needed to basically take stock of our relationship. She's afraid we rushed. Maybe we did. She said she'd take the rest of the week and then we'd see where we're at. A week later she said she reevaluated her life and needs to figure out her life and work on herself. She needs to be by herself to work on her. She emphasized that it was not her feelings toward me, our relationship or the fact that I had kids. She says it's about her. She turned down my request for a date and said she's not ready but wants to be soon. I'm assuming with me. And at the end, she said she hopes the time leads her back to me. Prior to all of this, I had already had flowers schedule to be delivered. They showed up the next day and she texted me thanking me for the beautiful flowers. I thanked her for refunding an expensive gift I had ordered for her and told her she shouldn't have because it was a gift. She responded, "We'll wait for that gift."

 

My questions is this: We started playing a turn based game on our phone prior to the first request for time. Between the first and second request, we continued to play. I made no contact other than playing the game. After the second request, I took it as no contact and haven't contacted her since. She quit playing the game. After 6 days i got an alert saying that it's my turn to play the game. Did she break the no contact? In your opinion, is playing the game actually contact? There's no messaging, it's just playing the game. Should I take my turn?

 

I know it seems juvenile to play the game but it's something we did together as a couple. I want to maintain the upper hand but at the same time, I still want her to know that I'd take her back.

 

Any opinions on what it all means?

[Quidam]

Seriously? You are 46 for god sake, delete the app and move on

[Tanzi]

Her feelings haven't developed in the same way that yours have and she has realised that a relationship with you isn't what she wants. The things she has said have been said over and over by dumpers everywhere. They are just words. Words used to soften the blow.

 

After only 4 months does she really need to re-evaluate her life and figure things out "on her own"? This is the sort of phase someone might go through when they've been together for years. Seems to me things have crashed and burned already. Either that or she has been reading a book on the best clichés to use when ending a relationship!

 

As for the phone game, well, it's just a game. I really wouldn't read into that. If she has changed her mind she would let you know in a way that would be very loud and clear. She wouldn't want to waste time sending measly messages that may get missed through a phone game app.

 

The rules of NC don't apply here. She isn't following a set of rules to try to get you back. If it's what she wants she will let you know. In fact "NC" shouldn't be about ANY rules. Cutting ties is something that needs to be done so that we can move on with our lives.

 

If you want the upper hand then it's time to get rid of the app! Please don't let a phone app determine your emotions!

[Hollyj]

Seriously? You are 46 for god sake, delete the app and move on

 

I so agree^^^^^^^

 

Time to find someone a little bit older, and grounded. Game over.

[Clio]

It means nothing. At 4 months it is unrealistic to expect anyone to know whether they want long-term plus it sounds like they were some pretty grand gestures on your part (expensive gift, flowers, talking marriage) that may have momentarily swept her away. It sounds like you rushed her into these questions and once she had some time to think she reconsidered. Talking about love and marriage at four months is extreme. More likely, you are infatuated by her youth. You are two decades apart and that IS a serious practical consideration for her. She has a lot to risk in such an investment. When she is 46 you will be 65 and regardless of her jokes she probably realizes that you are NOT celebrities. At 65 she could be a widow. Kids from a previous marriage is also a serious consideration at her age. Overall there is a serious mismatch between your circumstances/phase of life and a practical individual would eventually come to that conclusion imo.