Advice needed - Dating

[dkirin]

Hi All,

 

Basically i've been seeing this girl for the last month and a half.

Things have been going well, like really well.

We've made out, had sex, we hold hands and kiss sometimes.. although she's not used to the hand holding and kissing yet, her last 2 boyfriends were abusive and she's been through a lot with abusive father etc.

She told me at the start she's bi, but didin't really say what she prefers.

 

Now, we had a chat and basically she finds it weird being with a guy as she says she's 90% gay and wants to find out for sure before making things anymore official, she's always been on the fence, her 1st ex left her because she couldn't decide if she was gay or straight.

She wants to keep things as it is but she doesn't want to promise a future, i don't really expect her to promise anything anyways because it's only been a month and a bit..

 

I'm just not sure what to do.. i've never been in this position.

Part of me wants to keep it like it is which she wants too so she can see if she'll change and if it the weirdness goes away, but she also wants to be single and explore her gay side to see if that's what she really wants.

 

I'm happy to be with her and her explore her gay side but what boundaries do i set?

But the thing is, she doesn't want to see other guys, she's just not sure about guys in general but she's told me if she wants to see a guy she'd always see me, because i make her happy and all that.

 

Any tips? Part of me wants to let go and let her explore and hope she comes back but part of me wants to keep seeing her exclusively like we are and hope the weirdness goes away, i'd probably cut the hand holding and only kiss back when she initiates to help make up her mind.

 

By the way, she's 20 and i'm 22.

 

Thanks guys.

[nuttybuddy]

it's only been 1.5 months. let her go. she's already told u that she's 90% gay. r u hoping to be the one that sways her back 100% to be heterosexual? it's unlikely to happen. in fact, if u stick around her, she'll want u to be part of her gay relationship or she'll cut u loose.

 

look, simply put, she's been in abusive relationships (from men) and that's already influenced her opinions about men. it will be a long hard road with lots of therapy before she ever finds enough trust in men again.

 

you're looking for more pain and trouble in your life if you let your heart continue on this journey with her.

 

i hope she will be able to reconcile her pain about men with lots of help in the future, but u don't need to be there experiencing that.

 

find love elsewhere. it will be better for u. u can be her friend if u want. but it will save u a lot of heartache by getting out now.

[dkirin]

She's also said ( yesterday ) that she doesn't want to lose me or lose what we have.

 

I said i'm happy for you to go out and get with girls, but she actually said that;s not what she wants.. she just wants to understand it all in her head.

 

 

Does that change anything?