I seem to instantly love anyone whos nice to me

[quazit]

i was physically tortured as a kid not by my parents or by any family but by 6 kids around my neighborhood who didnt like fat kids. ill go into detail about the torture if you like im not sensitive about it now.

 

it seems that if anyones nice to me i seem to almost fall in love with them for it. it always ends up with me hurting the other person though such as when i had to end a relatinoship after 24 hours because i made a HUGE mistake and i knew i was gonna hurt her.

 

i want to know how to either have higher standards for girls or be able to shut my mouth or something. this is the one emotional scar i have left form all that torture is that i am a compliment/attention addict.

 

 

to give you an example of the torture once they called me a fat whale and proceeded to try and drown me.

[winkybear]

U dont need to have higher standards for girls, u just need to care for that person u have feelings for as much as u can.

 

Breaking up after 24 hours? What for? I dont get it... Is it because of u or her.

 

Shouldnt just jump into a relationship before thinking abt it.

[arwen]

Hey quazit,

 

i was physically tortured as a kid not by my parents or by any family but by 6 kids around my neighborhood who didnt like fat kids. ill go into detail about the torture if you like im not sensitive about it now.

 

I am so sorry to hear that. Kids can be so cruel when they are with a group...

 

it seems that if anyones nice to me i seem to almost fall in love with them for it. it always ends up with me hurting the other person though such as when i had to end a relatinoship after 24 hours because i made a HUGE mistake and i knew i was gonna hurt her.

 

I think you confuse the feeling of being in love with the happiness you are accepted by that person. I cannot really explain that, but I used to be 'in love' with a teacher for the same sort of reasons. It had nothing to do with any physical thing, I just wanted the feeling to be loved and cherished, and above all, I wanted to feel small. I was bullied a lot because I was way too tall for my age.

 

i want to know how to either have higher standards for girls or be able to shut my mouth or something. this is the one emotional scar i have left form all that torture is that i am a compliment/attention addict.

 

You know, it such a good thing that you are able to see this in yourself. I think it will all be ok, as long as you are aware of the things that are in your emotional life. I think it would be an idea to just not date the girls directly, but wait if you like THEM or the feeling of being liked BY THEM. This is a common problem for many people, I believe, quazit. If you are vulnerable and hurt by others in the past it's very easy to look for reassurance everywhere. Then it's difficult to see the difference between falling for someone and, as I said above, the joy that comes with the feeling someone likes you.

 

to give you an example of the torture once they called me a fat whale and proceeded to try and drown me.

 

I hope they don't do this anymore. It doesn't even matter what they did to you, the important thing is that you are left with a scar and need time to figure out how to live with that scar and not be affected by that in your love life.

 

So in short: you can keep 'higher standards' if you just be friends with the girls first, and start dating them when you are sure you like them for them.

 

I hope it helped. I know where you're coming from...

 

Ilse.

[shiminimo]

it sounds like you are afraid of love or being loved. that you put up barriers so that no one can get close to you because you are afraid of being hurt like you were in the past.

[quazit]

the physical torture went away a while ago it was from ages 6-8 and after that i learned to defend myself and i became the protector of a group of similarly tortured kids they just got it in a different way because they tortured them because they were small.

 

um afraid of being hurt cause i was in a 7 month relationship and im going to try it with that girl again but dont worry iv promised myself that if it EVER starts to get unhealthy again im out and for good.

 

im very rarely not friends with girls months b4 i date them its just recently its been bad the reason i ended the realtionships in 24 hours is cause i was afraid of hurting them. i cant seem to understand why so many people like me my friends actually nicknamed me "the charisma god" when ever i do something sucessful that involves tlaking my one friend says "all hail"

 

 

i deliberately surrounded myself with very loving friends none of which are involved in drugs. one of them was tortured emotionaly and mentally no one would talk to him unless they were insulting him for a year. all he had was his family he considered suicide at age 9!!!!! he has a self confidence of steel and an iron will for it all though.

 

 

i do know the difference between like and feeling accepted iv felt accepted and not like its just sometimes it feels like igrls intoxicate me. me and my friend were trying to figure out why im charasmatic. im rediculously strong but thats because i am not willing to be weak. i can be that emotionaly but physically? eh eh.

 

 

 

sorry if all of that sounds rambled its just when im tlaking aobut this it all pours out. i just dont get why i have crushes on EVERY signle girl who im friends with. i have at least once in our friendship iv liked about 4 girls at once b4.

[tanned_production]

Well considering your past, I can see why you would immediatley like anyone being nice to you.

 

What you need to do is think about the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with.

 

The girls you like... what are they like? What do they want from you? Do you they feel the same way towards you, as you do towards them?

 

If you still don't know what you want, or who you want, then get to know each of the girls... find out who they are... what they like, their personaties etc...

 

Good luck... you'll find the right girl eventually

 

tanned_production

[quazit]

every girl iv ever liked has liked me back the second she found out or thought that i had affections for her. so its alot of trouble that i like so many girls because they always all like me back