Lost and hurt

[adviceplease2]

I'm a confused man right now. But first a little background. I met my lovely girlfriend, now ex, through my kids school. I have three from a marriage that ended, and I have full custody. Anyway, this woman was introduced to me early last year, we went out once, she had some other things going on in her life and we didn't go out again.

 

My girl is raising a child about the same age as my daughter, 8, I also have an 11 year old boy and a 5 year old boy. Our kids interacted a lot over the summer, I ignored her because of what happened when we went out earlier, it apparently drove her nuts and she contacted me and we hit it off amazingly.

 

We had the relationship that, quite honestly, I'd only imagined could be possible. We were great together, she was great with the kids, I had every other weekend to spend with her, which was usually at her house with her little girl. Sometimes we'd go out. My little girl would spend the night over there frequently also.

 

We progressed into taking trips together, which we made two trips. A week after the second trip is when things went downhill. She came to my house, boys didn't like it apparently, and without me knowing said some things to her that she didn't let me know until two weeks later when she told me I needed to focus on them, that they resent her.

 

Around that same time, I had to file for supervised visitation against my kids mother, so that cut out time with her obviously.

 

Almost two weeks after that she tells me she's pregnant. Which was a little shocking for us both, both in our mid to late 30's. A few days after that, she asked if we could forget the hormone induced breakup and we were back together. She came to Thanksgiving dinner, I went to the first ultrasound, everything was great. I'd check up on her, text her how she's going, she'd mostly be sleeping, feeling sick.

 

I see her at a school play for the kids the week before Christmas, we were fine, we'd planned on getting together the next week since we were both on vacation. When I brought up visiting, she turned cold, so I didn't push, asked her to let me know. She didn't, so I asked a few days later, she's cold again. I'll admit, I was a little put off since we'd just talked about the week before.

 

I let her be for a few days, and finally text that I'd taken the hint she didn't want me around right now, but that I was still here, that I wished she'd talk to me about what was going on with us, and that she still had my love and heart. I got back a shock of a text about her being filled with anxiety over even thinking about seeing my kids and I, that I only text when she text first, that my part is done, that her life is turned upside down, that I'm basically obnoxious for worrying about us not seeing each other, that my feelings aren't her priority right now.

 

I responded letting her know I'm here, that I was sorry this had happened, that we could get through this together.

 

Next day, I asked for forgiveness, she said she wasn't mad, I asked how her day was going and she jumped on me again. I smarted off to her this time...I just wasn't expecting her tone. I've read enough to know that was my mistake.

 

We didn't talk for a few days. I had been reminded about money for the OB deductible that I'd forgotten, through a family member she'd run into at a kids party. I immediately took care of part of it then, and another part just now actually. I've now come to realize that this family member, who was a friend of hers as well, seems to have undermined us quite a bit. Telling me things and I'm guessing telling her things.

 

We finally had our big fight when I said I missed her regardless with what was going on. Ended with her telling me some of the most hate filled things I've ever been told...ending with her saying she's wishes she'd never text me. I replied with I'd just been trying to be there and help and I wasn't sorry she text me that day.

 

Didn't hear from her for over two weeks...finally text her saying I was sorry for being an inconsiderate arse, that I was short sighted, didn't see enough from her perspective. She basically said she was still fine taking a step back from me, she knew what needed to be done to get ready for the baby, that she didn't need the stress or guilt. I let her know my text wasn't about guilt, it was just to let her know she wasn't alone.

 

My little girls birthday party....she shows up with her little girl. Acting like nothing was going on...we were talking and smiling and she was helping with the kids and I walked her little around to help her skate some. Everything was normal again for two hours. At the end, I gave her a gift card to help her get some maternity clothes.

 

Now we're back to being distant again it seems. And I'm lost, I love her, would do anything for her, her little girl, our baby.....I know I've screwed up, have no problem admitting it, but I do love her. But I know she's taken her step back from me and I must respect that....even if it kills me.

 

Not even sure why I posted this, guess I just wanted some hope that this will work out. She's should be 16 weeks this week, I know she was beautiful when I finally saw her at my little girls party...miss her so much it hurts.

 

I feel so silly for even posting this. Even sillier if she happens to stumble across this lol.

[dave_1966]

Have you heard of contraception?

[surfdiva]

Have you heard of contraception?

 

^^Well, that's helpful....NOT^^

 

OP, I'm not sure what advice I can give. It sounds like she's gone back and forth with her feelings and now that she's pregnant really doesn't know what to do. As for the horrible things she said to you, did she apologize for saying those things? When I was pregnant, I could be pretty mean. The hormones are insane, but I'd soon realize I was in the wrong and would always apologize. I think you need to sit down and talk to her and ask her exactly what she wants.

[adviceplease2]

She has gone back and forth yes. She apologized the first time yes. This last time no. It's as if she wants to do everything alone...I've apologized for having a misunderstanding on my part and let her know she doesn't have to do it alone but she says she knows what needs doing and that is why she's still fine taking a step back from me.

 

She shows up to my little ones party and after thanking her she said her little one wouldn't have missed it. She also brought gifts she'd bought for Christmas for my kids. I'd dropped off gifts for her and hers when we were arguing before. She was so normal and smiling and talking to me.

 

I've decided to try and stop worrying about it and let her be. If she's done with me then she is. She seemed to basically change overnight....so I don't know anymore.