jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 so i've been in the dating world (by that i mean the online dating world *shudders*) for about a year now , I've been doing Eharmony and Match. i don't do POF or okCupid, because those sites basically seem like tinder disguised as actual dating sites. I'm 35 years old, never been married, never had kids. I recently met a girl (whos 31) on eharmony and we would talk on the phone for hours a night, our record was 4 hours. We had a date last weekend and to my surprise she was way more reserved in person with me , almost to the point where i thought the date was going badly, until toward the end of the night she asked if i wanted to get drinks (at thi spoint i thought , well maybe she is having a good time?) anyways tried to go in for the kiss, nothing crazy just a peck on the lips , she seemed put off but then went in. Now things i noticed during our phone convos and the date, her conversations center around her work, her friends , the bars she's frequents and her cats. hardly stimulating for me , especially because i'm someone who loves deep conversation and loves to connect with people on and intellectual (philosophical) level. well the next day we text all day, day after that we talk on the phone for 2 hours and it was amazing, like talking to a new person, then later on she sends me an ass pic which i was happy about so all my fears seemed unwarranted. so the next day i decided to tell her that i thought she was having a terrible time and i thought nothing was going to happen beyond the date, she then got pretty awkward that i mentioned that to her and said i overanalyzed everything way too much and that i was at times too outspoken for her (or too honest i guess) and that she just wanted to leave things where it is, so, so far with this dating thing i've been batting 0, im loosing hope and i'm not getting any younger? what the hell am i doing wrong?' Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Ass pic=success Telling her your not confident=turn off Never let them see you sweat Never try to hard Never go for kiss or sex until you know she wants it Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Letting her know your insecurities early on is what did you in. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Damn it i knew it! Ass pic=success Telling her your not confident=turn off Never let them see you sweat Never try to hard Never go for kiss or sex until you know she wants it Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 any tips on masking the insecurities? unfortunately im a little too much of a transparent person at times Letting her know your insecurities early on is what did you in. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 J, It is tough out there. Internet dating has changed. It is more hook up mentality these days. The one thing I will tell you is that us guys get lots of rejection. You need to be different. You need to be confident. You need to your game plan on. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 You need to be comfortable in your own skin. Be easy going. Don't be negative or doubting. Be light and fun. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 any tips on masking the insecurities? unfortunately im a little too much of a transparent person at times As hard as it may be, internalize it or have a buddy to talk to about it. However never look for validation so early on when courting a woman. I have seen countless posts where the guy mess up early on because his insecurities get the better of him despite the girl being into him. Fake the confidence, don't be annoying but always assume that the woman is interested in you. It allows you to be relaxed rather than uptight trying not to make a mistake. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 I like this and yes youre right its super weird, because i do not have the hook up mentality really anymore, i want a family and what not, but i dig this advice... You need to be comfortable in your own skin. Be easy going. Don't be negative or doubting. Be light and fun. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 i need to just plant seeds and not over-water basically... internalizing will be tough but i'm def going to try that more As hard as it may be, internalize it or have a buddy to talk to about it. However never look for validation so early on when courting a woman. I have seen countless posts where the guy mess up early on because his insecurities get the better of him despite the girl being into him. Fake the confidence, don't be annoying but always assume that the woman is interested in you. It allows you to be relaxed rather than uptight trying not to make a mistake. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 i need to just plant seeds and not over-water basically... internalizing will be tough but i'm def going to try that more Good luck man, she was interested enough to send an ass pic so just keep improving for when you meet your woman. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 yeah , i really wish i hadnt mess it up , but thanks man, learning experience for sure Good luck man, she was interested enough to send an ass pic so just keep improving for when you meet your woman. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 It takes practice, J. I have been where you are at. You have to have no fear. I recently went on a date. We had chatted before a bit. Went to a movie. I held her hand and knew I was in. We chatted a bit in my car and an opportunity opened up. I just knew she wanted me to kiss her. Years ago I would have not made a move. Now, I am always about being bold. It has not failed me, yet. My kiss paid off Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 And if you want to thank us, forward us the ass pic Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 HAHAH nice , beast mode man! , i just need to calm down that is for sure, so learning experience for sure It takes practice, J. I have been where you are at. You have to have no fear. I recently went on a date. We had chatted before a bit. Went to a movie. I held her hand and knew I was in. We chatted a bit in my car and an opportunity opened up. I just knew she wanted me to kiss her. Years ago I would have not made a move. Now, I am always about being bold. It has not failed me, yet. My kiss paid off Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 HAHAHAHAH i probably shouldn't do that man lol And if you want to thank us, forward us the ass pic Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Sometimes it is just as simple as practicing. Maybe, your goal should be simple right now. Just talk to 10 random women and your only goal is to keep the conversation going. That's it. Nothing else. It will help you build confidence in both speaking and achieving a goal. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Just want to see how badly you screwed up HAHAHAHAH i probably shouldn't do that man lol Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Oh yeah I have been there as well. My fiancee didn't seem into me when I first got her number (and she wasn't) but I didn't let it deter me. The dread, anxiety, and pain that comes with dating is incomparable to anything else in my experience but if you force yourself to experience it over and over it becomes manageable. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Absolutely have to have thick skin. Focus on success not rejection. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 right on, but can an old dog learn new tricks? lol im 35 Sometimes it is just as simple as practicing. Maybe, your goal should be simple right now. Just talk to 10 random women and your only goal is to keep the conversation going. That's it. Nothing else. It will help you build confidence in both speaking and achieving a goal. Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 AMEN my good man! Absolutely have to have thick skin. Focus on success not rejection. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 You absolutely can, J! My ex was 31 and I am 43. Just takes time and effort and practice. right on, but can an old dog learn new tricks? lol im 35 Link to comment
jcaves80 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Right on man! well then i guess ill take this advice and apply it You absolutely can, J! My ex was 31 and I am 43. Just takes time and effort and practice. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 what the hell am i doing wrong?' EVERYTHING. You are doing everything wrong. 1. Online dating is not ideal as a primary way of dating. It should be a supplement to your other, real life, efforts to find someone. 2. Don't spend a bunch of time texting or talking on the phone before you actually meet and try to date. 3. Don't pour out your insecurities to someone you are just starting to date. It's very much a turn-off. 4. Try not to be too desperate. Just relax and get to know people with a more relaxed mindset. Link to comment
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