So lonely

[Lisii]

I'm so lonely.

 

I'm struggling with distracting myself. I've been reading posts on this forum for about a week, (not sure if it's helping me making me more depressed ), I'm trying to take all the solid advise that has been posted to others. I'm aware of where I am with healing and what I should and shouldn't be doing, but find that I get high with the slightest communication, and distraction, but very low when on my own.

 

I want to be held, to cry and to have someone drop everything for me, (very immature, selfish and egotistical of me), I'm craving love. I have wonderful friends and family that would be here in a heartbeat if I told them how I was feeling - but, I can't reach out as I feel I will be taking my friends and family for granted, they always seem to prop me up and I don't want to be known as a drama queen.

 

He and I broke up on the 5 November, I guess that is a month tomorrow. It's been nc socially only (we do work together occasionally and we have managed to put brave faces for this - well me, I can't say how he feels), we've seen each other workwise about once a week.

 

We are catching up on Sunday - my kids have asked to see him, so we are watching the two first Star Wars movies at his place. - I read that friendships with exes rarely work, but I'm hoping.. we were friends for 4 years before we went out, I would like that to continue to be in his life, I won't cope well if he meets someone else - I know he's on the dating sites already.. which hurts, (not my business at all), sometimes I feel like asking him to take me back, this I know is wrong, we are not suited. Ugh, I'm rambling.

 

Needing hugs .

[Dottieflanogon]

Pushing to stay friends after a break up is not a good idea and prolongs the inevitable of being able to deal with breaking up. It's best to a make a clean break - At first, at least - And then re-visit the friendship later, when the feelings from the romantic relationship have faded.Time will give you more perspective-it'll help you reflect on what happened, and what's coming for the future. With that being said, you mentioned in your post that ,he sees your kids? Correct if I'm wrong but I'm assuming he's not the biological father of your children?

[Lisii]

Hi Dottieflanogon

 

He is not the boys biological father, he has been a great mate, role model and confidant to them for the past 4 years. I cant take that away from them. It will be easier to go noncontact when the summer holidays start in a couple of weeks - they will go to see their dad (lives in another country). (that will give us 7 weeks).

[DoF]

You were never friends for 4 years before....as you BOTH had attraction. You HID your feelings from each other and had DEEPER intentions. That is NOT what friends do to each other. It's deceptive and dishonest!

 

You will also never stop feeling the way you do because you are NOT truely NO CONTACT.

 

I would suggest you that you start looking for a new job ASAP.

 

I would also suggest that you stop ALL contact (including with your children) ASAP.

 

Without these 2 happening, and LONG periods of time (good 3-6 months of healing/recovering WHILE in no contact)....I'm afraid you will NEVER start your healing process.

 

You are simply not in position to go no contact...and your feelings are completely normal/natural. Don't worry, in time, if you do things proper you will be just fine and recover.

 

You just need more work to be able to get there first.

 

Remember: Any contact = reset of your healing time. What I'm telling you is that you are WASTING your time!

 

Also, "friendship" or relationship with your ex will only prevent you from EVER finding a good man that you really want. Cause no even half way decent men will ever accept a woman with ex relations. You probably wouldn't either!

 

Good luck

[Lisii]

Thanks DoF for your honesty, I agree with you wholeheartedly.... but

 

I can not leave my job, with the industry I work in it's not that simple - its specialised, no matter where I move I will be always linked to his business. (sorry I'm purposely being vague/discrete as it's HP)

 

I will talk to him on Sunday, the kids are excited so I will follow through with our plans this once. I am thankful that we are amicable, but in hindsight we are both too nice and too caring, which is as you say hindering our healing.

 

Ughhh. I need to stop wallowing in self pity, it's not productive... damn emotions!

[DoF]

Thanks DoF for your honesty, I agree with you wholeheartedly.... but

 

I can not leave my job, with the industry I work in it's not that simple - its specialised, no matter where I move I will be always linked to his business. (sorry I'm purposely being vague/discrete as it's HP)

 

Understood, this means your healing/No Contact will be that much harder and you will need to be LOT stronger.