Happy all by myself- or getting there at least

[SparklingKaren]

For some reason it all makes sense this morning at 5am. I've been struggling for a long time with having been basically single for my entire life, and allowed myself to be treated really badly by men because I wanted intimacy so badly. For a while I thought that I could never be happy without someone special in my life and sometimes I cried just thinking about how I might be alone forever. Suddenly (and much of it is due to many of the people who have answered my posts), I'm beginning to discover real happiness and it feels really good.

 

I've been looking around at all my friends relationships, and they seem happy, but they have to deal with a lot of relationship drama. They also feel obligated to spend time with their boyfriends, even when they are really busy. I, on the other hand, get to do what I want, when I want it. Plus, I get to flirt and meet all kinds of new, interesting people. I have a lot of interests that I'm only now beginning to explore, now that I am less concerned with finding a guy. I never had a career goal before, but now I have decided what it is I want to pursue after college- and I'm really excited about it. And now that I'm realizing that I can be perfectly happy without a man, life just seems easier.

 

Don't get me wrong..I still believe in love. And having a family is still extremely important to me. But I think I consumed myself in trying to find a man for so long that I lost sight of what it is I really want. How can I enhance someone else's life if my own life is consumed in "finding someone" while this beautiful world is going on around me. How will anyone ever love me if I don't love myself? And how can I ever make anyone else's life happier if I am not happy with myself? I know I will find the right one (or he'll find me)- but I've found enough peace within myself to wait until the right one comes along. I know what I want now, too, which helps a lot, but now I have the confidence to wait for what it is I want to enter my life and not to settle for someone who isn't going to give me their best. And I'm finding that I'm a lot more personable, a lot more interesting and a lot more fun this way. I'm not bitter anymore, not as shy and so much more sure of myself. I hope I never lose this feeling! Thanks to everyone who helped me! You're advice and encouragement helped me enormously.

[Bibora]

Hey

 

Nice to see that you are going the right way. Realizing that we don't need someone else in our life to be happy is very good.

 

Me on the other hand, had to pass over a relationship to now start realising what i've been losing all this years. I don't need no one to make me happy if i can't make myself happy. I'm starting to understand that. And i know i will get there. But i hope i will always be searching for happiness. Finding it will make me dull, with nothing to keep on searching.

 

But like you, i do want to have a family of my own. To have a person to say i love her everyday and some kids to call them my own... It will eventually happen, hopefully....

 

Congratulations to you SparklingKaren

[FuriousSam]

First find yourself, then things will come. I am glad that you figured out what you want to do that will make you happy. It is not an easy road to take, but don't forget this feeling you are having and always refer back to it when you are feeling different. As always: When you are happy, people will notice and come to you.

[Jordan42]

Congratulations SparklingKaren! That is a very important realization to make. I hope that people who might not have had this realization will be inspired by reading your post. Never forget what you've learned.

[mehr als Mensch]

Hi. I'm glad to hear that you have found happiness in your life. It is important that you are independent in this way, because frankly, no one can ever make you happy except yourself. Your independence also insures a lasting more complete happiness, not a fleeting unfulfilled one. Thus, your relationships should center around your independence. The relationship should not be based on fulfilling other needs, but helping eachother become more independent. So both may freely express themselves without worry or guilt.

 

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