date last night.... it was horrible

[lookingforclosure5]

I decided to go with the advice of many friends and start to date again. I let a good friend of mine set me up with someone who she thought i would be "perfect" with. Well we met at my house and went to dinner. From the second I opened the door, I knew he was not right for me. I could just feel it. The more we talked throughout the night (good thing it was just dinner, and a short one at that) I came to realize that he was completely not for me... I have been on dates that were okay but this one was awful. He wasn't a bad person, he was very normal and nice, just not for me.

 

And now, I am more sad than I was before. I thought that dating and going out was supposed to help me heal, this has seemed to set me back a lot. I guess now I am questioning that I will be able to find someone for me. I know it hasn't been long, but if this is an idication of what is to come, i'm not interested. I will be fine to live with a broken heart for the rest of my life. It isn't worth it to have days like today after nights like last night.

 

Does anyone else know how I am feeling right now?

[Mr. B]

I''m not sure I understand why your date was 'awful,' just because he's not your type, even if he was nice. I can certainly see how you'd be a bit disappointed, but isn't the whole purpose of dating to figure out who's right for you? You shouldn't expect to get this sort of thing perfect on the first shot.

[katiekate1982]

Hello,

 

I know exactly what you're talking about, similiar situation. My break up was about a month ago, maby its too soon, but I find myself comparing everything to my ex. I know it isn't fair, but its just one of those things and it actually makes me feel worse instead of better.

 

I think it will take some time, and you know what you're looking for. So just think you will have to go through a few guys before you find that good match, or at least thats what I think and it makes me feel a little better. Good luck and hang in there, it can only get better. You've already been through the worst of it!! ( the break-up)

[FuriousSam]

Looking for someone while you are still recovering from your breakup is generally not good. You have to get over your past before you can move on, I know a few girls from work that would just jump onto the next guy and they have way too many baggages with them. Now you said that the moment you open your door, you knew that guy wasn't for you. And you know why is that? It is because you focus too much on this guy helping you heal when in fact you should just be looking for a good time and expect nothing more. That's why I normally recommend people try to get a hobby instead of looking for someone because they might get confuse with what they are looking for instead of what they should be looking for. I know it sucks when you are going through a heartbreak, but you have to take it one day at a time and focus on being happy by yourself than finding someone that will make you happy.

[lookingforclosure5]

thanks for all of the advice. The more I look into it the more I think I am just disappointed in my friend than the date itself. A good friend of mine thought we would be "perfect" for each other... yet he is completely the opposite of what I look for. No ambition, doesn't seem to have any self esteem. By the way, I have been on dates since the breakup (9 months ago) and they have been okay. Nothing I wanted long term but I got some good friends out of them. This one just irked me a little, I guess it is because I expect my best friend to know me and think a little better of me than she did when setting me up for this date.

[FuriousSam]

How are you on your daily life? Are you happy? Maybe your friend feels that you are not too happy and so suggested that you go out on dates.

[lookingforclosure5]

Perhaps they do. Oh well.

[Caldus]

FuriousSam makes a good point. From your post it sounds like you're still recovering from a previous relationship. I wouldn't jump into dating again too quickly. I get the feeling that you only think he isn't right for you because you're still focused on your ex.

 

Also, I'm a little concerned about how you said that you could tell that he wasn't right for you the moment you opened the door. How would you ever know that quick? Are you just basing this all on looks or what? Either way, you can never judge people that fast. I think that you told yourself at that moment that the date was going to be awful so it ended up being awful. Maybe he was thinking the same thing about you. It's possible that he was thinking that since you weren't into the date as much that you didn't seem right for him either.

 

Of course you know this guy better than any of us but I just thought I would throw those comments in there. Maybe he really isn't right for you. Like someone else said, you usually don't catch the perfect fish on the first try anyway.

[Zimetra]

I know exactly how you feel. I was not yet over my past relationship when I started dating again, and it was not a good idea. I had 4 or 5 dates, and all of them had the same pattern: They were generally nice guys, and in a 'normal' situation I would have had a good time and a good conversation and that would have been it. Instead, after about an hour I suddenly had this weird feeling, it almost felt like disgust. And all I wanted was for my poor date to leave right away.

 

It's definitely too early.

[emma34]

I totally feel your pain..When you go thru a big break up, it seems like dating around would be beneficial - but it can be serioulsy disappointing. And of course this comes with constant comparisons to ex...i certainly hope that goes away. But of course, keep faith, there will be a man out there for ya, just don't settle for an okay guy just to get you by - wait till you find the perfect man for you.