Joke Thread

[TMifune]

Post a favorite joke or something that just comes to you or whatever you want to lift people's spirits!

 

Inspired by:

 

I'm lamenting about years ago and here we used to have excitement. Used to have happy threads. And fun and jokes.

 

 

I'll start:

 

Did you hear about the Mexican Railway Killer? He had loco-motives.

[Helpexpressme]

Why did the blonde woman have a sore belly button?

 

Because blonde men are stupid too.

[Liefde]

What do you have when a 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?

 

Not enough sand.

[Liefde]

I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, your password is "incorrect".

[Dottieflanogon]

Husband comes home and find wife watching food channel, he asks "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook." She says "You watch porn and you still can't....

[TMifune]

I used to have a joke book that had jokes like this:

 

Kid: Mommy, Mommy, why do I keep walking in circles?

Mom: Shut up, kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

 

 

Mom: Did you call Mrs. Epstein ugly?

Kid: Yes.

Mom: Well you need to apologize to her!

Kid (to Mrs. Epstein): I'm sorry you're ugly!

[Dottieflanogon]

A teenager goes to the pharmacy and askes about safe sex since he is going to have sex with his girlfriend for the first time. The pharmacist recommended him a few brands of condoms and gave him some advice. Later that evening, the teenager goes to his girlfriend's house for dinner and meets her parents for the first time. Once they sat down at the dinner table, the teenage boy had his head down the whole time. The girlfriend says "You never told me you were Christian." and then the boyfriend replies "Well, you never told me your dad was a pharmacist!"