3-year relationship....end time? Please help.

[elizmdavis]

I have been with My guy for alomst 3 years now. I felt like I met him at a rocky time in my life and with our companionship, I felt like I had great support to get through my trials. He helped convince me to start up college and he was in college himself; he helped get me a job, and he was very giving to me.

 

I was happy for the most part. I had longed for a great boyfriend, and compared to the ones I had in high school, this guy was/is great! I am his first REAL girlfriend and it shows with the whole matirity thing.

 

After a year, we decided to move in together, but that was all out of convienience, not love. I was only 19 and he was 18. I liked feeling secure and having a place to stay while in college, but I hated living with my boyfriend My intuition screamed at me that I wasn't ready for it and that it wasn't right. I didn't want it to continue and I had to make it stop. So, I went with my gut instinct, and we each seperatley moved into roomate situations with pals. We wanted to still be together though and this is where the problem comes in...

 

It has been 7 months now and I absolutley LOVE living with my Gal pal...there is sooo much freedom and independance . I feel like Life is going great for me. I am getting ready to be a junior in college, with a 3.5 gpa, I have a great job, great friends, and love when I get to go out and party with them!! I am 21 now and life had been so much fun. COmpared to where I was 3 years ago, I have MADE IT! I know that I am still maturing, I will not sell myself short of that. I am an open-minded person and I have a strong desire to discover more about myself and the world. I Love new opprotunites because for me they open up to new experiences for personal grwwth...I am not ready to settle. I have a motto that "I will only settle for my very best, and no Less!"

 

I feel like I have grown apart from my boyfriend. All of this self-discovery that has happened in the past three years has caused me to see so much more of what makes me tick than I have ever known! I have realized what I want for my future, what my core values are, my faith and my dreams and I treaasure those things closely. My guy, I have noticed, has very different values from me and this is osmeting That I have begun to notice since last year. He swears to god that they arent but My heart feels otherwise. I flat out let him know my felings: that I wasn't sure if he was right for me, in October ('04) and I asked him to just give me some space, we didn't break up,I just needed personal space. After a bit of a struggle,he finally gave it to me. I felt soo much better whenI had my own space, it was such a relief. The we tried working things out and That is where I am today.

 

He tries to hard to please me. Over-exhuberant gifts, smotehring attention, "I love Yous" at every half-second, I don't reciprocate the affection [-( ! I just don't feel it to say "I love you!" and he says it all the time without a response back! WHat is wrong with me?!

 

[-o

 

 

"You Can't make a heart love somebody; You can tell it what to do, but it wont listen at all. You can lead a heart to love, but you can't make it fall!" -George Straight

[DN]

The way I read your post it seems to me that you are almost asking for permission to break up with him.

 

We can't give you that. It is a decision only you can make.

 

Re-read your post and see if there is anything in it that says "I want to make this relationship work"

 

If you do not believe there is, then you probably have your answer

[LuciaSeia]

you sound like me 2 months ago. I was in a wonderful, happy, three year relationship. But, like you I felt like he had helped me grow and growing is what I needed to keep doing...this time, on my own. I am happy with my decision, even though there have been days I missed him. My only advice to you is don't get back into another relationship when you break up...I did, and now I'm in the process of trying to break it off...again.

 

 

 

So good luck!

[chai714]

Unfortunately, his mistake toward the end was becoming underappreciated. We tend to underappreciate things on earth that are plentiful -in this case, he showed too much affection for you.

 

Like the poster above said, it seems as if you want to justify breaking up with him. You will do what you will do. You can actually convince yourself that breaking up with him is a good idea if you think about it long enough. Breaking up with someone is never easy, but I think one of the worst reasons would be so say that "we're growing apart." Like attracts like, and that's what brought you two together initially. The fundamentals were there at one point. You are gonnna make the decision you already made (I believe you made the decision before your post), so take whatever action you feel is necessary. But remember, once you do it, things will never be the same again between you two.

[Hope75]

I think this coming of age experience you are having is typical of people your age, and it is also typical to "grow out of" a relationship you started in your teens when you weren't sure what you really wanted from life.

 

I think you have a very good grasp on what you want for your life right now, and that's the freedom to explore your opportunities. You have every right to have that.

 

Your boyfriend unfortunately has fallen into the trap of thinking that the harder he tries and the more he shows his love for you, the more likely you are not going to drift away from him, but it is already happening.

 

I think the fair thing to do is to talk with your bf, about how you feel. If you still want to be with him but want more space, let him know that. I know you did before and he had a hard time giving it to you, and I think that's because you want different things. Having said that, probably the best thing is to part ways and give him a fair chance to find what makes him happy in life too.

[greenie35]

Your situation is a lot like the situation I'm in--Except I think I'm in his shoes.

It took reading this post to see the reaility of it. It seems to me you already know your truth. Everone experiences heartbreak in their life. It's understandable that your worried about hurting him, but it almost isn't fair to be with him if you can't give him your whole heart. You're at a point in your life when you're really getting to know yourself. It's important that you give yourself this time to find yourself and even though he is hurt he will move on, in time. I found the answer to my question in your question.

 

"once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"

 

Good luck, and thank you.