What's the story, morning glory?

[Monekita]

Ok, so this is the story...

 

I've known this guy for about 2 months.

 

2 weeks after I met him, on the Easter Weekend, we saw each other everyday (5 days in a row), we spoke to eachother a couple of times during the week and we saw eachother everyday the following long weekend (friday, saturday and sunday). My bestfriend asked me what was going on - were we or weren't we going out?

 

I rang him that night - I asked him what was going on and he said that he wasn't over his ex (they broke up 3 months before they were to be married), was not ready for a relationship and thereforeeeeee did not want to hurt me. (I appreciate that he was honest with me, he could have led me on and that would have really hurt me)

 

When I told him that it'll take him roughly half as long to get over her as the relationship lasted, he replied that he didn't want to be "like this" for another year (they had gone out for 4 years and split up a year ago.) He hoped that he'd be over her hopefully in a couple of months, maybe weeks.

 

I'd like to think that he likes me because I can tell by the way he acts when he is around me, what he says and the fact that he is the one that usually initiates our get togethers.

 

We haven't kissed yet or even hold hands (I've kept my distance since he told me he's not other his ex - I want him to be comfortable enough to make the first move), but when we physically muck around it's all very chummy - like I'm one of his mates, one of the boys - not that I don't mind...

 

He knows how I feel about him as I was quite emotional that night I called him to ask what was happening (I blame it on my hormones!)

 

I like him, his company and he seems so right. I'm at that age where if I get involved with anyone, it will be serious and he knows this.

 

So,

 

...is he scared and taking his time to make sure that I'm the right person to get involved with (which I'm hoping is the case),

 

...is he bored and using me as a distraction (I don't think so, he smiles and jokes too much when we're together plus he is the one who calls me to do things)

 

...or is he playing me (Unlikely, because his parents and I get on along with eachother like a house on fire)

 

It seems he's taking his time and for once, surprisingly, I don't really mind. I just wish I had the ability to read his mind to see what his motives are.

 

If my "special friend" is reading this, please don't be angry - I just needed some opinions and didn't want to hassle you because I like you too much to lose what we have right now...

[redbabymama]

dont worry honey, this guy sounds very ginuwine. just give him time to get over his ex because 4 years is a long time. in the meantime the best thing for you to do is to help him get over her buy being extra nice and listening to his problems, but not all the time because then you will become a pushover, and thats not what you want to be! so just give him some more time because i have a feeling your friendship will turn into more if you play your cards right! but dont rush things to quick because then he will think you are a nut!

 

Good Luck!

[pececito]

Give him some time. I know saying that is easier than doing that but try. Cherish the friendship that tere's between the two of you and maybe it will become something more. Good luck, Monekita.

[bzborow1]

It sucks that circumstances have kept you two apart, but at least the guy cares enough about you to not risk screwing it up. I think how you're handling this is great, but at the same time try not to focus solely on him, because if he's made the choice to take some time to get over his ex, you've gotta keep living. You could be missing out on other great guys.

 

"is he scared and taking his time....right person to get involved with"

 

ans: he is not scared, his is trying to get over his ex though. I was engaged and it really takes a lot out of you. He's probably taking his time trying to make sure he's completely moved on because he thinks you are the right type of girl for him to be with, and he doesn't ever want the confusion of...if his ex asks him back...the decision would be up in the air, he would want to easily choose his new gf (which it seems he's unsure of now).

 

"is he bored?"

 

ans: No he's not bored with you. In fact it seems he really has taken a liking to you.

 

"is he playing you?"

 

ans: How is he playing you? He told you he isn't ready for relationship and would like to be friends...leaving you free to be with whomever you want. He's certainly not playing you.

 

His motive is obvious, to keep you in his life. It seems to me he likes you, but understands he's gotta figure some things out for himself first. Being sick (mentally) and in a relationship is worse then being healthy and alone. It also seems he doesn't want you to be the "rebound girl". If you like him a lot, you should be honest with him. But don't sit around and wait for him...if it happens it does, if not...at the very least you've got a good friend.

[Monekita]

Hey guys,

 

Thank you for your quick replies. Your replies are so genuine and thoughtful, and it's great that you actually took the time out to read my post and put your thoughts down. I'm really appreciative of this as you've helped me grasp the situation my friend and I are in and each of you are to be commended.

 

It's great to get the perspective of someone who has been in this situation - it's very easy to focus on your own feelings and not totally consider the other person's emotions. Thank you so much for this, it's a bit of a wake-up call, which is exactly what I needed!

 

Monekita