Monekita

I hope you guys can help me convince my fiance that he is in the wrong. Here's the story... My fiance was seeing this girl for a couple of weeks before he met me, this is going back about 2 years ago. He slept with her (I know this because he told me, that it was really good - not that I care because that's in the past and he is with me now and he was honest enough to share that with me). My issue is she keeps calling him (she is infatuated with him) and he thinks nothing of taking her calls and emails (Thank God she lives in another state!). Only recently, she rang to inform him that she was pregnant to another guy and if he could advise her of what she should do. I've asked him numerous times to tell her to stop calling - I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall ](*,) Now I find that she's going to be coming up to Sydney for holidays and wants to meet up with him... that's just great, just what I need... I'm not allowed to speak to any of my ex-boyfriends although the only reason I'd ring them would be to see how they are doing in their life and careers - I formed good friendships with my boyfriends, kissed and mucked around but never slept with any of them - I wanted to wait until I found someone who was dedicated enough to make a serious lifelong commitment and love me for the person I am. I consider her to be an intimate ex-girlfriend and that she has ulterior motives (that is to sleep, if not steal my fiance from me. My fiance tells me that she's "just a friend", what we have is special because he loves me and I know that he does. I stopped talking to my exes because I love my fiance and I'm dedicated to him. I know that my fiance loves me cause we have been through so many downs and we've still stuck beside each other - I don't think he is keeping in touch with her just in case our engagement doesn't work out. I have 2 questions - 1.Is it fair that he keep talking to her? (My answer is "no, it's not fair - he should stop talking to her" and 2. Is she an "ex-girlfriend" as opposed to "just-a-friend"? (My answer is "she's an ex") What you you think? Thanks for taking the time to read my post

Hey guys, Thank you for your quick replies. Your replies are so genuine and thoughtful, and it's great that you actually took the time out to read my post and put your thoughts down. I'm really appreciative of this as you've helped me grasp the situation my friend and I are in and each of you are to be commended. It's great to get the perspective of someone who has been in this situation - it's very easy to focus on your own feelings and not totally consider the other person's emotions. Thank you so much for this, it's a bit of a wake-up call, which is exactly what I needed! Monekita

Ok, so this is the story... I've known this guy for about 2 months. 2 weeks after I met him, on the Easter Weekend, we saw each other everyday (5 days in a row), we spoke to eachother a couple of times during the week and we saw eachother everyday the following long weekend (friday, saturday and sunday). My bestfriend asked me what was going on - were we or weren't we going out? I rang him that night - I asked him what was going on and he said that he wasn't over his ex (they broke up 3 months before they were to be married), was not ready for a relationship and thereforeeeeee did not want to hurt me. (I appreciate that he was honest with me, he could have led me on and that would have really hurt me) When I told him that it'll take him roughly half as long to get over her as the relationship lasted, he replied that he didn't want to be "like this" for another year (they had gone out for 4 years and split up a year ago.) He hoped that he'd be over her hopefully in a couple of months, maybe weeks. I'd like to think that he likes me because I can tell by the way he acts when he is around me, what he says and the fact that he is the one that usually initiates our get togethers. We haven't kissed yet or even hold hands (I've kept my distance since he told me he's not other his ex - I want him to be comfortable enough to make the first move), but when we physically muck around it's all very chummy - like I'm one of his mates, one of the boys - not that I don't mind... He knows how I feel about him as I was quite emotional that night I called him to ask what was happening (I blame it on my hormones!) I like him, his company and he seems so right. I'm at that age where if I get involved with anyone, it will be serious and he knows this. So, ...is he scared and taking his time to make sure that I'm the right person to get involved with (which I'm hoping is the case), ...is he bored and using me as a distraction (I don't think so, he smiles and jokes too much when we're together plus he is the one who calls me to do things) ...or is he playing me (Unlikely, because his parents and I get on along with eachother like a house on fire) It seems he's taking his time and for once, surprisingly, I don't really mind. I just wish I had the ability to read his mind to see what his motives are. If my "special friend" is reading this, please don't be angry - I just needed some opinions and didn't want to hassle you because I like you too much to lose what we have right now...

Hey sTasios7!! Different people show they like someone in different ways. I like this guy at the moment and the way I act when I'm around him is definitely different to the way I am with other guys. So hopefully what I'm feeling right now will help you decide whether this girl likes you. You don't say how old you are but I'm guessing you're younger than me (I'm 27). I agree with helpmegirl however I'm oldfashioned (maybe I'm just old!) but I don't give out my number to a guy - they give it to me - it's the gentlemanly thing to do. If I like someone and like talking to them I would call them back. If they don't get annoyed at the sound of my voice, don't make excuses without a compromise (like, "sorry, can't talk to you now but I promise to call you back later"), sound happy to hear from me (you CAN tell) and invite me to call them again then I guess I can assume that they like me. Ask the girl that you like out to a cafe for a drink for a first date - don't suggest the movies because I reckon that's the absolute worse place to take someone for a first date if you want to get to know them better. If you get on well with each other you can always stay longer and have something to eat and if not...well, you're not stuck there for hours. If she initiates conversation, asks you questions about yourself and smiles when you speak then I think she likes you. And don't forget - this works both ways - you will have a better chance with someone you admire if you make them the centre of your attention. This is what I've been doing with this guy and he is still talking to me (he rings me up every couple of days and we meet up on the weekend) so I guess I'm doing something right!! Good luck and keep us updated ok??!! C U L8a, alligator!!