Advice/outsider opinion on LDR struggles

[Firefly56458]

So my boyfriend recently started working FIFO 4 and 1. It's a very big change from texting him all day and night, seeing each other so much to not hearing from him all day (he's not allowed his phone on site) and barely having time to talk at night and never seeing each other. He is missing my birthday (the first birthday spent with him), our one-year anniversary and Christmas. I thought i was getting over that fact and everything was going to be okay, but then (like always) his roster messes up and he won't be here for my birthday celebration, which i specifically planned for so he could attend. Already feeling so hurt and lonely, i lost it and got furious. I know it's not his fault but i'm so hurt i don't know what to do but lash out at him, and i know it's not fair to him, but i feel like we should go our separate ways, but...i'm too afraid to let go. Advice on how to deal with this ? Thanks in advance.

[mhowe]

You may not be cut out for long distance. It takes compromise, trust and companion. Yelling at him about things he cannot control is counter productive. You can celebrate your birthday whenever you see him again...you are an adult.

[Firefly56458]

I wanted him to spend time with my family and experience it with me on my birthday because he's never spent time with them...hence why i got annoyed. everything i planned was ruined and i don't know how to compromise and remain calm with everything that has happened.

[mhowe]

He didn't even know about the plans...so getting annoyed with him is grossly unfair. Taking it out on him is wrong.

[catfeeder]

I know it's not his fault but i'm so hurt i don't know what to do but lash out at him, and i know it's not fair to him, but i feel like we should go our separate ways, but...i'm too afraid to let go.

 

If you keep lashing, he'll let go FOR you. Nobody wants to be attacked, especially by someone who supposedly loves them.

 

You knew this guy's career going in, and you get to decide whether you're cut out for the long periods of absence and unpredictability. This is not something that will go away, so decide whether you can be in it or not. If not, then spare both of you the histrionics--they won't accomplish anything but resentment.