Over my boyfriend... I'm attracted to a new guy... Now what?

[lillady898]

Okay, so since my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, I have been pretty intruiged by this one person in particular. We never speak, yet I see him every day. I don't know what it is that always draws my eyes to him. I know he's a year younger than I am (which is no big deal to me) and that he's into music a lot. From what I know, he seems sweet, kind of shy maybe. I want to talk to him and get to know him, but it's been a while since I've tried to pursue a guy. Usually it's the guy trying to pursue me. I see him looking at me occasionally, though. I really want to get to know him and see what he's all about, hopefully before Valentines Day. I just don't know if he has a girlfriend, and if he does, how he'd react to me. I just don't know how to strike up a conversation while the only time we see eachother is during a lecture or something where it is difficult to converse with anyone. Should I just go up to him during the down time and say hi? Or what? There is little, if any downtime. Should I just make it apparent I'm checking him out so maybe he'll go out of his way? It usually isn't this difficult for me to speak to someone. I'm just not used to being the pursuer, especially since being with my ex. I know this may be long for such a simple question, but thanks for any tips!

 

Oh, and if it helps, we have no mutual friends. I don't think any of my friends even know he exists... yet.

[DN]

how do you know he is into music?

 

anyway that is probably the key. Go up to him say "Hi, I am lillady898, I noticed you like ???? music. What is it about it that you like?"

 

Smile, smile, smile.

 

Keep the convo going by asking other questions about his interests. tell him what yours are.

 

 

If you want, you can slip in, all innocent like, "Does your g/f like the same music?"

 

Take it from there.

 

Invite me to the wedding and yes, of course you may name your first child after me.

[Krazy]

Heh, sounds like you described me

 

In that case what DN said about the starting a convo about music is a good idea.

 

But yea, ask him about what his interests are and stuff. That'd be good for keeping up the convo.

 

For the getting him to go out of his way to speak to you first thing, i'd say that'd have a good shot of working. If I knew someone was checking me out for sure i'd walk up to her and try to say something

 

That's all I have

[lillady898]

Haha, yah, I'll be sure to invite you to our wedding and our baby will surely be called baby "DN." A girl wants to pursue a guy and apparently that translates into "I want to marry this attractive man!" I only know he's into music because right before the lecture thing begins and right after it ends, he's listening to his I-pod.

 

I'm a pretty flirty person so I don't think I'll have a problem smiling and asking him about himself... Hopefully. I'm going to try to talk to him tomorrow, but does anyone know when throughout tomorrow I should?

 

Should I just get up and sprint after him after the lecture is over, then accidently bump into him and let everything fall out of my arms so he'll feel inclined to help me pick everything up, thereforeeee forcing him into stop for a few brief moments? I'm putting too much thought into this. But we sit in two opposite ends and I only noticed him from afar and then whenever I walk past. Should I just walk back to him in the middle of the lecture and say, "Hello, what's your name?" There's only about 30 people in this lecture, so it's fairly small and people would notice someone trying to talk during it. It'd be rude also. Timing is everything.

[DN]

I was projecting - as a joke of course. And what, pray tell, is wrong with the name DN? It's served me well for all these years. Now you have me paranoid. Could this be why people snicker when I introduce myself?

 

The books thing might work providing a heavy one doesn't fall on his foot. Better yet, why can't you 'ambush' him after class?

[lillady898]

I was joking as well, so no need to be peranoid. DN is a lovely name and I'm sure it will serve our future baby well just as it did to you.

 

I honestly don't know how to do the dropping book thing well though. Maybe this is a bad example, but anyone who saw Legally Blonde knows when the lady broke the mail man's nose after picking up the pen she dropped. I know it's a bad example, but yeah, I probably would end up hurting someone. And I'm not sure how attractive it would be to clearly run into someone. Especially seeing as how I am not a very convincing actress. I may as well plan that ambush.

 

I just don't know when to make time to have a conversation. Should I just stick with the obvious cheesy grin and hope he catches on and goes out of his way to talk to me? I don't even know his name so I can't really call after him without sounding odd. Should I write a note with my number on it and drop it near him for him to (hopefully) pick it up? That'd be weird in my opinion, but whatever it takes.

[DN]

 

 

suppose he doesn't see it and the neighbourhood pervert picks it up.

 

Don't play games, they rehearse that stuff a million times in film etc. before they get it right.

 

However you approach him and for whatever reason, smile bigtime and look into his eyes. Say your name and then go on.

 

Don'y obsess over this or you will mess it up. Casual and frienfly and open to him is the key.

[lillady898]

I know all this, I don't want to have to drop notes, run into him , or what have you. There is just no way to talk to him during the lecture and he is usually gone a couple minutes before I am, so I'd really have to gun it to catch up. I just don't know WHEN to do this. I guess that is my only question. When.

[DN]

asap - tomorrow

 

why do you not know?

[caramellabacix]

try this.. a guy did this to me once and i thought it was the cutest thing in the world:

 

he walked up to me in the hallway, tapped me on the shoulder and goes "hey, you dropped this."

 

when i looked at the paper later it had his name and phone number on it

 

now this is a guy who i've only stared and smiled at before lol so apparently checking him out had worked. maybe stick to just obviously checking him out for a day or two, and THEN try something like this. so then it doesn't seem like it's coming COMPLETELY out of nowhere to him.

[DN]

try this.. a guy did this to me once and i thought it was the cutest thing in the world:

 

he walked up to me in the hallway, tapped me on the shoulder and goes "hey, you dropped this."

 

when i looked at the paper later it had his name and phone number on it

 

now this is a guy who i've only stared and smiled at before lol so apparently checking him out had worked. maybe stick to just obviously checking him out for a day or two, and THEN try something like this. so then it doesn't seem like it's coming COMPLETELY out of nowhere to him.

 

did it work. Did you go out with him?

[lillady898]

I guess the whole problem that I'm having is a bit misconstrude, and I apologize for not being any clearer. The problem is not in technique on how to go about this, but rather when to do this. You see, I arrive fairly early and usually he arrives shortly thereafter. There isn't much time between then and when the lecture begins to really strike up a conversation, or even meet properly for that matter. I'm not going to get up in the middle of the lecture, walk back to him, and start a conversation then. And I am definetly not going to sit by him and be an annoyance by attempting to converse throughout the lecture. Besides, he sits in the back, and I need to sit in the front if I'm going to concentrate. thereforeeee, there is no way to talk during this. Ok. Then, after the lecture is over, he gets up and leaves almost immediately with his friend. I do the same, but by the time I stand up, he's usually out the door. I don't necessarily want to follow him and be a stalker. It is just very difficult to find a time to even sneak in a "hello, how are you?"

 

I need to know how to go about striking up a conversation and meeting him with all of these stipulations.

[DN]

James Bond, where are you when we need you!!!

 

Can you pass him a note - Hi, I wanted to talk but never get the chance. Would you wait for me after class by the (insert place to talk outside class room and prying eyes)

[caramellabacix]

 

did it work. Did you go out with him?

 

how could i resist??

[vitalcoaching]

Hi Lillady,

 

Hope things are going well since you posted this.

 

Here are some extra tips if you are still loking for ideas.

 

Before you even speak to him, there is a direct way to build up excitement and attraction with him.

 

Eye contact works wonders! Truly.

 

You probably know this but make it obvious that you check him out. Let him notice and do that again every time you see him. Don't stare, simply sustain eye contact for a couple of seconds and smile.

 

This will intrigue him and make him want to know you. Once you establish complicity that way, the next steps usually unfold naturally.

 

No need to rush into it.

 

Let the attraction build up.

 

Next thing, say "Hi" when passing by next to him.

 

These little signs have huge impact. Play that flirting game for a couple of weeks and he'll be in heaven the moment he sees you walking to him.

 

Don't rush it, give it time and space to build up naturally.

 

He might altogether take the lead...

 

Good luck and enjoy!

 

vitalcoach

[Mintyfresh]

actually i was in a similar situation

 

basically she sat all the way in the back of my sociology class and i sat all the way in the front. I turned around and noticed her looking at me then pretending to look at her desk when our eyes caught.

 

Seeing as its a night class theres a 20 minute interlude due to the class being 3 hours long. Problem was during that break she walks off with her 2 friends etc etc i really didnt know how to approach her.

 

basically when class ended i sat there and played with my cellphone for a second till she walked by, i got up and took the same exit path as her. She opened the door for me and i said thanks. After we were outside i made some stupid comment about how boring the class is.

 

....So maybe you could try a similar approach ?

 

(and if you're curious i walked her to her car and got her name and she told me that she'd see me next class... i think class will be canceled this week due to the snow, but uh next time i see her i plan on asking her out)

 

All in all i think your best bet is just to do whatever the hell you have to do to make sure you're either in front of him or behind him when you leave class and just casually bring up a comment about the lecture. "So are you as glad as i am that class is finallllly over ?" ... something to that effect.

[lillady898]

Thanks for all the replies! I did something almost the same- Kind of. I was going to try to rush to catch up to him, but I couldn't. However, I did run into one of his friends on the way out. I had a conversation with him, and it was so odd, he invited me to some huge frat party. I decided to go, hoping that maybe he'd be there as well. He was, so I went up to him and started a conversation. We talked for a while, but I found he was too much of a hardcore partier, which after dealing with a heavy partier in a previous relationship, I'm just not willing to go through again. And as I talked to some of his friends, I guess he had some pretty rocky relationships... As in he cheated on quite a few of them. Oh well! I had fun in the process of getting to know what he was all about.