Why am I still hurt?

[Eclipse you]

Hi. I'm a 15-year-old, shy, self-loathing, skeptical guy. I generally don't care what people think of me, and I'm usually pretty mean to everyone, except Carissa. I've been going out with Carissa, my first girlfriend, for about five months, and we really loved each other. In fact, we still do. We used to do a lot (or as much as we could, because I live about an hour away from her) together, and we hardly ever got into an "arument." About a month ago, she started telling me that she hates everything and everyone. I didn't quite understand why, because she didn't really give a reason, so I didn't really worry about it. About two weeks later, we started having a discussion on A Perfect Circle (very good band). I disagreed on something, and she just got EXTREMELY pissed off. She stopped talking to me for quite some time. I felt really rejected and I thought she hated me. About a week later, I get about a three page e-mail from her, explaining why she acted the way she did, and why she's been so short with other people and I. After I read it, I felt so much better. About three days later, things got back on track. No fighting. Nothing negative. Well, two weeks ago, she tells me she doesn't understand herself, and she just breaks up with me. I couldn't really say anything. I just felt so crushed and unwanted. She told me she loves me and still has strong feelings for me, but she just can't see me. She didn't tell me if it's permanently or just until she figures out "who she is," but I just feel so bad. I don't know what the Hell is wrong with me. Someone, please help me.

[Colls]

Nothing is wrong with you, believe me. I acted just the way your gf did b4, adn it took me some time to get over it. But I can assure you it was all me. You gf may be scared to love u as much as she does. She may not want to let her self love u to the point where if she ever lost u, she might not want to go on. I think the 2 of u need to talk baotu this whole thing. If she wont listen to you, then write her an email or letter like she wrote you. Let her kno how much u care, and that you want to help her if hse needs it. Tell her you will always be there for her no matter what. But deont ever blame yourself for this. 15 is a tough time for ALL grls, so dont worry it will get better, and form the way it sounds, she'll come crawling back soon. Just remember ......

 

If u love something let it go, if it comes back to you it was meant to be.

[Eclipse you]

One thing, I did send a long e-mail to her, but she hasn't replied, yet. Forgot to mention that.

 

But it's hard to let go, because I love her so much.

I don't want to go as far as saying I'm OBSESSED, but that may be the case. I think about her all the time. I've never told her that, but I think maybe I should. It might sound a bit cheesey to her, but it's true. I really can't stop thinking about her. Even in my dreams, I think about being with her.