I'm confused, is she interested or not?

[aderane2k]

So this will be a little long, but I honestly just don't know how to interpret the signals I'm getting.

 

About 2.5 years ago I was chatting with this woman on FB through a mutual friend. It went for a couple weeks, and we never spoke again, but maintained online friendship. Three weeks ago, I bumped into her while on a first date, and she was on a date as well. We waved, but didn't talk much to be rude to the dates. She messages me in the morning, saying that it was wonderful to finally meet me. We talk some more, and eventually I ask her out.

 

Over the next few days our conversation gets more in depth. She starts being flirty, and we talk about our interests. She adds me on Snapchat, and starts sending me sexual videos (nothing nude, but definitely interested). We talk about costumes (I cosplay), and she says that we really need to date one another, because she's not met someone that shares as much of an interest with her. Up until this point, very obvious she's interested.

 

On the date, I pick her up at her place and meet her roommate. We hang there for a few, and leave. The date was a movie in a park, so we packed blankets, and were going to get food and drinks (beer). On the way there, she asks if she can poke around in my car. I don't really hide anything, so I let her. Stupidly, I had forgotten that I bought a box of condoms earlier in the day because I was out, and left them in the glove compartment. She of course sees those immediately. It's slightly awkward, but eventually we laugh it off. We talk all the way there, and it's enjoyable.

 

At the park, we set up a little outside of the main area. As soon as I sit down next to her, she pulls me in and starts making out. She says she moves fast. She lays on my lap, and puts my arm around her chest. We lay like this, make out, talk, yada yada for the entire night. She says she "loves the way I think". It was amazing. I drive her back to her place, and she invites me up. Despite the box, I don't intend to do anything on a first date. We lay in her bed, snuggling. We talk about future dates. She says she's felt like she's known me forever. Talks about destiny, and how it was meant that we were to meet when we did. She gets up and changes in front of me, with her back turned. Eventually I go home, even though she says she doesn't really want me to, though no sex on date one. When I get home, I text her like she asked. We talk more about upcoming dates, and she really can't wait.

 

The next morning, I send her a good morning snap, she responds with one of her in a shirt and panties only. For the rest of the day, she doesn't respond to my texts (2 in maybe 10 hours). The next day (Sat) I ask about going out either Sunday or Monday. She responds saying maybe Monday. Sat and Sunday go by with no texting, but she likes every FB post and Instagram picture. Monday morning I reaffirm the date, and hear nothing all day. I text her one more time around the time I get out of work, and she says she has an emergency girls night, and that she's sorry. She and her roommate posted the whole thing, so she wasn't "lying" to me. The next day I ask how she's doing, and it's a short answer, we don't talk much. Yesterday my dog passed, and I posted a picture to remember him. She sends me a text saying she's sorry to hear that. We talk a bit about work, to take my mind off it. It's a funny conversation at times. Eventually I ask her out for this Friday. She responds a bit later that she's "going out of town after work I say it's okay, and maybe another time. She asks how I am doing, and then we have another back and forth.

 

That's essentially the entire timeline of events. She came on super strong, and now she seems to have taken a step back. She still talks to me at times, but it's not as flirty, and not as sexual. She's not rescheduling our dates, and I feel like I'm the only one putting in effort. It's just strange because she honestly seemed so into me on our first date, and I honestly really like a lot of things about her, and do feel like I know her very well. I know that she's a beautiful woman with a ton of guys coming after her, I'm just trying to figure out if she's worth it or not.

 

I almost want to just say, "Look, I like you. I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend, I just want to go on another date with you. If you don't want to, that's fine, just let me know. But I honestly think we've got some potential here, we just need to make time for one another."

 

Thoughts?

[mhowe]

It sounds whiney, to be honest. You have made it clear that you are interested. If she is, she will contact you.

[Tinydance]

Well, to me personally it sounds like she just REALLY wanted to get laid lol That's why she's been super sexually forward with you from the word go. Seems like she may have been saying all that stuff to get you in bed, and you being a gentleman and wanting to wait (most women would appreciate this) unfortunately had the reverse effect. I don't think she's interested in having an actual relationship because the whole time, even on the romantic picnic date, she just kept trying to be physical. Maybe it's also because she invited you to her place and undressed in front of you, but you didn't make a move, so she felt rejected. Anyway, I think maybe you shouldn't worry too much about chasing her and just let her come to you. That woman has ants in her pants, dying to get that itch scratched ha ha ha

[aderane2k]

Hmm. I honestly wondered if that was the case. She's definitely very conscious of her beauty, and I know she's very sexual. Traditionally I would not want sex on the first date, because I think it's a bit too forward and you don't really get to know the person before hand. However, in our situation, had it happened, I wouldn't have been so upset because we've known one another for some time, at least on some level. I see the signs now that I write them, lol. She was saying that she didn't want to have sex, but I'm now questioning whether that was just to gauge my response or not, because her actions spoke very differently.

 

Do you think that because I didn't actually go for it, that she's lost interest? And is now just keeping me around because she thinks I'm "nice"? I know you're both saying I should just let her come to me, but is there anything I can do or say to clear that air? Or should I just forget her and see if she comes back? Because, I'm looking for a relationship, and if she's emotionally unavailable, that won't work.

[mhowe]

There is nothing to be said or done.

 

Like what "I am sorry I didn't jump into bed with you....had I known you were going to ignore me after our date, I would have done the deed that night??

 

It cases like this, it is best to stick to your own boundaries, and not compromise them to attract someone else.

[aderane2k]

There is nothing to be said or done.

 

Like what "I am sorry I didn't jump into bed with you....had I known you were going to ignore me after our date, I would have done the deed that night??

 

It cases like this, it is best to stick to your own boundaries, and not compromise them to attract someone else.

 

Yeah, no I understand that. I wasn't saying that I'd have done anything differently, more just to say, "Hey, if that's what you're here for, I want you to know I'm looking for something more mature. If you want that, you know where I will be, but I'm not waiting around."

 

Interestingly, I had asked the same question to our mutual friend, whom I've known for six years. She responded with the following:

"I've been debating on telling you this since you two went out, but she's a maneater. One of the worst that I've ever met. I love her, but I always feel sorry for the guys who she is with. She's a siren reincarnated. I thought she'd back off when I told her I knew you, but I thought she'd do a better job of it. I'm saying this because I love you, but you need to cut your losses and get out if you know what's good for you."

 

So there's that. Now I'm not taking her words as gospel, I just think it's interesting, and it actually makes some sense. Anyway, just thought that was humorous, hah.

[mhowe]

Your response that you want something more mature is condescending. She is obviously looking for casual sex and you are not, so listen to your friend and cut your losses.

[Dottieflanogon]

It clearly appears that she wanted sex on the first date and expected you to jump on her when she undressed in front for you ,(some men would) she was trying to seduce you,so she probably felt undesirable when you didn't make a move. Now she is distant.......... I suggest you just let her come to you, she knows your contact info .... she knows where to find you if she wants to see you again. However, if you want to clear the air then you have to be more straight forward with her and ask her where you stand .

 

You didn't do anything wrong, If she just wanted sex from you then she not the girl for you.The first step should be getting to know someone,to see if you are compatible and have things in common . Don't give up, most women would appreciate gentleman like who wants to take time knowing a women before bedding her. ..Not "does this girl want to suck me up how soon can I get her to do it"?

 

Take it from me, OP. I'm a woman who knows what women want when it comes to dating,We don't just want to hook up ,At least us decent and respectable women you can take home to mama don't

 

Good luck