feelin disconnected - pain but no tear

[Sista12]

Hello people.

 

I have been quite off track lately. Due to some life events. I have a pretty difficult life, struggling with financial crisis and parental issue. Everyday I wake up to some kind of bad news in the house, something relating to financial issues that my father deals with. This has been going on since the past 9 years, when my dad lost his business. I'm 21 years old. And my father used to be a rich man with everything he wanted. But he has been unable to fulfill my needs and wants. I do not blame him. I know I am being tested. I am religious and have strong morals about relationships and men.

 

So , other than this set back in life, I go through a lot of other problems such as, with men usually. I had one man who was really nice to me initially, became a jerk to me, I got attached to him as a friend, he wanted more friends with benefits, and he stopped talking to me when I didn't give it. when i try to speak to him , he says why are you talking to me go away, and other hurtful things.

 

I had recently confessed to the guy I've been in love with for the last two years about how I feel. He rejected me. It is okay. I was upset about it but he said I am young for him. He's just 26 ! -.-

 

I met someone online and I know his interest is dying in me. I just never had someone who loved me like crazy or someone who approached me themselves and sticked around with me. I am too nice, that's my problem. I can't play mind games of follow dating rules. I'm really simple, honest and if I like someone I usually like to talk to them and be around them.

 

Other than that I'm getting good education , I am very educated. I'm average looking. Not ugly. More educated than the girls with me. But I see men choosing women who are unambitious or are completely over me.

 

These days, I feel sad about my life and my struggles. But I can't cry. I want to cry. If I was able to cry I would not be posting this here. I feel sort of disconnected. Like the pain is there, but its set in deep.

 

Too many rejections and difficulty at home has made me this way. I don't want advice over how to treat men. I just want to know what's going on with me? I do pray. I'm religious. Sort of. I have faith. But sometimes I wonder how it will be like if I die one day and all these people who made me feel bad about myself feel.

Will they regret being asses to me? I haven't ever been creepy. My crush told me he thinks of me as a really good person. After ( he rejected me) he came to say just this . I was happy but then wondered if I'm such a good person why can you not be with me?

 

I focus a lot on myself. I want to be something in life so I study all the time, but I need love in life. I need some sort of comfort from somewhere.

 

Also I can't move out of my parents house. I am an Asian and we don't have a culture like that. So Im stuck here to till I'm married.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance I hate being so vulnerable. Buy at least I won't have people judging me here( hopefully)

[SpottiOtti]

Sometimes I have trouble connecting with the tears too. When that happens and I feel I should cry, I either A. Call a friend who I can talk to who will be sympathetic, because sometimes sympathy from others can trigger tears, B. Listen to a song that I know will make me cry, C. Watch a movie that I know will make me cry, or D. Go to this place I have which for some reason makes me feel safe to cry. Might any of that work for you?

[Dottieflanogon]

hi Sista 12

 

It looks like you are feeling really down.

 

 

 

 

Your young, this is really the start of your life....time will change things .I believe you are a great girl, so there shouldn't be any reason why you can't find that special someone some day.if guys keep rejecting you then ,you just haven't met the right one yet. ...they were not meant for you.All I can say is ...It is just not your time yet.

 

while your waiting to meet that guy you still have to do you meaning continue to take care of yourself mentally and physically, continue to go out with your friends, attend functions and look your best when you do

 

look at the good things that you have. ....you still have your parents, you have a roof over your head, internet access... continue with this list, come up with things you like about yourself- make a list of all your good qualities.

 

 

Good luck.