re-establish contact

[justme123]

i haven't spoken to my ex in about a month and a half. we've been broken up for 6 months and have hardly spoke for most of that time. the last time i saw her was to give her back some things because i was moving home, which is accross the country. unless she has moved home too, which she wasn't planning to until this summer, she is about 3000 miles away from here. when i left she told me to "call her sometime".

i've started thinking about her a lot again and the idea of re-establishing contact is in my mind. my old phone was shut off so i don't know if she's ever tried to call me, but i doubt it. when/how do you know if it's ok to call again? i've almost called a few times, but i'm afraid i would just hear her voice and not be able to say anything to her.

[annie24]

Why do you want to talk to her again? Who broke up with whom? How long were you together?

[justme123]

Why do you want to talk to her again? Who broke up with whom? How long were you together?

 

I'm not sure I do or why. Probably because I still love her and I want some sort of contact with her, but I don't know what sort or how to get it.

 

She broke up with me. We had a fight. She told me she doesn't love me anymore.

 

We were together for a little more than a year and a half.

[annie24]

Why do you want to talk to her again? Who broke up with whom? How long were you together?

 

I'm not sure I do or why. Probably because I still love her and I want some sort of contact with her, but I don't know what sort or how to get it.

 

She broke up with me. We had a fight. She told me she doesn't love me anymore.

 

We were together for a little more than a year and a half.

 

I know... you still love her, but when someone rips your heart out and stomps on it, the last thing you should do is go back for more!

[justme123]

thanks for responding. Prior to the last time I saw her we were no contact also for a few months. We went no contact because I stopped feeling like she wanted to hear from me and she stopped initiating contact before that. I don't know if I have changed, I have thought about/analyzed myself and our relationship too much. I've realized mistakes I made that I wish I could of seen ahead of time. I think I have changed, but I don't know if it is "totally". I have no idea if she has changed at all. What would I be saving my pride for?

[Mentor]

Hi,

 

It sounds to me like you are looking for something more than just a quick chat to catch up. That is OK, you have not been apart that long, and it was a significant relationship to you. I don't think that it is a good idea to call however. This will likely reopen wounds that have just begun to heal. In time you will be ready to call her up and catch up as friends (prehaps...), but I don't think that this is where you are right now, based on your own words.

 

Give yourself more time to heal, and give her a chance to contact you first. Just think about how much more meaningful it will feel to you if she is the one who seeks you out to talk.

 

Good luck!

[justme123]

Mentor, how can I know when I am ready? She also may not be able to get in touch with me because my old phone number doesn't work anymore.

 

Thanks for the responses.

[Mentor]

Mentor, how can I know when I am ready?

 

When you stop feeling like this:

 

"i'm afraid i would just hear her voice and not be able to say anything to her"

 

Or this:

 

"I'm not sure I do or why. Probably because I still love her and I want some sort of contact with her, but I don't know what sort or how to get it."

 

Or this:

 

"I think I have changed, but I don't know if it is "totally"."

 

First, you have to decide what you really want from contacting her.

 

If you would like to explore the possibility of getting back together, I would suggest letting her make that move. A relationship involves two people. If you do one day decide to take this route, then be sure to undersatnd fully why you broke up in the first place. Both of you likely need to work on things to avoid the same thing happening again. Are you ready? Is she? If she approaches you about this idea, then you are in a position to evaluate where you both are, and whether or not to pursure this. You will be in control of your own life. If you chase after her, you are allowing her to control you.

 

If you genuinely want to be friends, then ask yourself if you could handle listening to her talk about another guy. If you could do this without being hurt, then you are likely able and ready to be true friends. If not, then I would wait. It will open wounds that have just barely healed over.

 

I hope this helped...

[justme123]

Does letting her make that move mean not making any attempt to contact her unless she decides to?

[Mentor]

That would probably be the best. Is there any way that she could get your new phone number without you having to tell her (mutual friends, etc.)?

[justme123]

Well, she had my current number a long time ago when I was staying here on a trip, but she may not have it anymore. We don't really have any mutual friends that would know my current number.

[Raptor]

One thought but I'm not sure if it is the best idea or not. Ask to meet up with her just to catch up. Dont go into it expecting to get her back, but rather to see if she has changed and talk. At the end of this give her your new number and say something like if you ever want to talk here is my new number.

 

Then you let her make the next move, dont contact her and move on with your life. You now know she has your number, and if she still has feelings at all for you she should call. Just a thought.

[justme123]

So you guys think it might be a good idea to talk to her? It's not something I'm sure I want to do right away even if I decide I should. It's just what's on my mind right now.

Raptor, I like the suggestion of meeting her in person, and would love to do it like that, but there's no way for me to because of the distance.