I'm in desperate need for some advice!

[sexygrl19]

Ok,so I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now.And there's something that happened a few months ago that I just can't seem to forget about.I'll try to make this quick.So I work third shift;and one morning I came home and there was a porn on t.v.But he was asleep.I quickly woke him up and asked him if he had been watching it.He swears he wasn't watching it.But see the thing is,it was ordered.It was free though.And part of me wants to believe him so bad.But how could he have not ordered it?Could there be a possobillity that he didn't order it?Any advice would be greatly appreciated!Thanks

[cooldude1234]

I dont understand, when you 'order' it, do you have to call somewhere, or just change to that channel? (i havent watched TV for about a year.)

 

Why would he lie about it?

 

Would it really be a big deal if it turned out he did watch it and was embarrassed that you caught him?

 

Just remember, most guys have watched porn at one point.

[hockeyboy]

whats the big deal? what if he did watch it? is that cheating or something in your book?

[Beec]

I agree. It is likely he was embarrassed by getting caught and lied about it on the spot because he was embarrassed. Once he lied, he stuck to it. What's the big deal if he was watching? It should not be an issue in my book, unless it is otherwise interfering with hsi sex drive or your sex life.

[sexygrl19]

Well,he knows how I feel about porn.I don't like it at all.And I'm just not going to be with someone that watches it.He ordered it on Cinamax.It's on On Demand.If any of you have cable with Comcast,I hope you know what I'm talking about.I don't know,I have a feeling that he watched it anyway.I just wanted some opinions from you guys about it.I just feel like he's lying to me about it.If he did watch it,I don't think he's ever going to tell me.It just hurts that he's keeping this secret from me.And I also feel like I can't trust him anymore.I mean,if he's lying to me about this,what else is he lying to me about?

[twizod]

You need to accept what makes a guy. We like visual stimulation..it isn't cheating. You will not find a guy that doesn't like looking at beautiful women....it isn't possible unless he is gay. We are wired to appreciate beauty. If you don't like it then be mad he exposed you to it not that he did look at it. Just tell him don't let it happen again and if he is gonna do that do it in his own privacy and not expose you to it.

[DN]

I agree with the others about porn but it is how you feel about it that counts. If you feel you can't be with someone who watches it then that's your decision. I would suggest you do some reading about why men watch it to ensure you want to stick to your feelings but that's up to you.

 

In this situation, you can prove nothing - if he lied, he lied, if he did not he did not. No way you can tell.

 

My tv came on in the middle of the night one time for no reason, scared the hell out of me. No reason I could tell, I guessed it was a powersurge snafu or something and forgot about it.

 

My advice would be for you to also forget about it and move on deciding to trust him If he does anything else then look at the situation again.

 

But don't allow this to play on your mind or you will damage if not destroy the relationship for sure.

[BlkLagoon]

I wish I had a problem this minor! You really shouldn't even worry about it and dwell on it so much. If a guy who watches porn (most of them) is someone you cannot be with for moral reasons or religious reasons- then maybe decided to get out of the relationship. Only under those circumstances do I think it's worth it. Otherwise- if it's because you feel jealous or unable to cope with the fact that he's able to get turned on by some porn actress (who is NOT even a threat to a relationship in reality)- then you are the one with a problem, not him. Yeah, he may be telling the truth, and he may be lying- you'll never know. Either way, he wants you to not worry about it. It's not something he did (if he was watching it) to hurt you! It's just a normal thing for a person, male or female, to occasionally indulge in. Some guys don't like it, most girls don't care for it- but you have to compromise sometimes about things that are not really ruining the relationship. He didn't cheat. There's no "other" woman. He tried to protect your feelings. I think he would appreciate it more if you wouldn't lay any rules on him that are so trivial. You're making porn a forbidden act- and this might make him want to watch it rather than not! hehe Really, think about your priorities here. If his watching something steamy on TV because you were not there at the time REALLY, REALLY hurts you for serious reasons, then think about who it is you're looking for. And good luck because it's kind of hard to find someone who fits a perfect mold.

[PrincessLinzay]

Yeah, Are you sure there isn't some other underlying problem here? I don't think that his watching porn should mean you can't trust him. Knowing how you feel about it, why would he tell you that he was watching it? He feels like he has to sneak around and do it obviously. Telling him he can't watch porn is just going to bring out the rebellion in him. Its like saying "don't look over there".

 

I don't think that this should cause you to distrust him.

[DN]

Not to challenge others posts but what is not a problem for some people is a mjor problem for others. It is fair to point out that a complaint may be trivial in most people's eyes, but if someone has a moral or religious issue it is not really fair or helpful to minimise it.

 

I don't think porn is a problem either, and think many women misunderstand why guys like watching it; I agree with what posters have said about that.

 

But plenty do not, they see it as morally wrong, degrading to women etc. and they are entitled to think so. It is not an unreasonable view, given upbringing, religion etc. And it is hers.

[Fif Angel]

Well I don`t think that telling this girl how she should feel about porn in going to help the situation at all.

 

Evidently she has a problem with porn in her relationship, many woman do, and simply advising her to get over it is probably not the most sensitive course of action.

 

I am not particularly sure of the modus operandi of paying for television porn, as I have never been into it, but I am pretty certain that unless he changed the channel in his sleep, he was lying when he said he didn`t mean to watch it.

 

Regardless of the reasons why he lied to you, the fact remains that he did so and that`s never a good thing.

 

If I were you, I would probably sit down with my boyfriend and gently explain to him that you don`t see how he could have `accidently` stumbled accross porn considering it was a pay-per-view channel. Tell him that you won`t get angry with him but you want to know if he was watching porn, does so regularly etc.

 

Hopefully if you stay calm he`ll respect you enough to give you an honest answer. If you feel STRONGLY about porn and that you can`t be in a relationship with a guy who is into it, then he should respect your feelings enough to let it go.

[sexygrl19]

Fif Angel,I have sat down and calmly talked to him about this.Numerous times actually.And every single time,he says that he understands how weird it sounds but he did not watch it.Just the thought of him watching other naked women is really disturbing.Can you guys understand that?I'm sure no one is that happy with the idea of their partners watching other naked women or men.But I think that some people just except the fact that their partners want to watch porn.But not me.I think that porn is very nasty and discusting.It's all the same anyway.What's the big deal?

[Fif Angel]

Well in that case the only thing you can really do it to choose to believe him or accept the fact that your boyfriend is lying to you.

 

With regards to the former, is there any way that it could just have been an honest mistake? The more I think about it, it seems to me that if he was deliberately trying to watch porn behind your back, knowing how you felt about it, he`d have made damn sure that you didn`t catch him at it. Plus, how many guys actually tend to fall asleep while watching porn?

 

The latter option is less palatable, that he is lying to you. Have you ever caught him out in a lie before? If so, then I would be very wary here, that is definitely a red flag. Of course if has never lied to you before then you don`t really have much to go on.

 

At the end of the day, there`s not really a lot you can do. If he tells you that it was an accident, and he hasn`t to the best of your knowledge lied to you before, then unless you can prove that it wasn`t an accident ( i.e you know how your own television works, so you could probably figure out if it tends to change channels for no reason) then I would have to advise letting the matter go.

 

It`s really hard, I , too, have had those funny little incidents where you can`t work out if he`s lying or not. Let it go this time, but look on it as the first red flag and be vigilant for anything else that seems suspicious.

[sexygrl19]

Well thanks for your advice.Not many people really responded to this thread but o well.I guess I'll just try to forget about it since I can't prove if he watched it or not.It was just really weird.Ya know?Anyway,thanks again!

[DN]

sexygrl19 said "I'm sure no one is that happy with the idea of their partners watching other naked women or men.But I think that some people just except the fact that their partners want to watch porn"

 

In just the same way that you object to people telling you how you should feel about porn it is perhaps not wise to assume you are sure about how other people feel about it. If you read this thread and others about the same subject you will find plenty of women and men who don't have a problem with it and it is hardly reasonable to assume they are lying.

 

As with many issues there is more than one opinion, there are usually many, few are them are 'wrong' or 'right' they are just different and are as valid for the people who hold them as yours are for you.

 

Advice is best measured by quality not quantity. When you get conflicting advice and opinions it is for you to then sift through them, see what makes sense to you, think about whether any of it might inflluence your opinion and then decide what you want to do.

 

Good luck, I hope all works out for you.