Almost divorced... Budding rel w/ coworker

[DrFoowangle]

I've been playing it cool w/ the coworker.

 

We were supposed to meet last week for business reasons, but I happened to miss her, so that helped my situation a bit. All of our communication since has been on official business and during business hours.

 

I've largely "stepped back" as so many of you advised. I was reaching out to her because she was the closest female to me aside from family. Plus, I'm attracted to her, so it was tough. Been basically alone for 7.5 months now and needing female companionship (emotional and physical).

 

To help fill the need, I finally broke down and created an online dating profile (on one site). It is already making connections for me and opening up it's own set of problems, but at least it isn't a coworker and these are women that are looking.

 

The ink isn't dry on my divorce yet, but it is progressing. Feel like I jumped the gun with the whole online dating thing, but I don't PLAN to really act on anything until things are official. Here's hoping. Right now, it's just chatting/texting and getting some self confidence back.

[Helpexpressme]

I'd be looking at this girl more than anything. She's sitting there flirting up a storm with you while she's got a boyfriend. Not good on her part to lead you on.

 

And she is leading you on, because you think you stand a chance with her, and you probably do. But she's potentially a cheater.

[DrFoowangle]

In her defense, I don't know that she ever really did or said anything of questionable character. It was generally me that made extra advances in communication content and frequency. Looking for reasons to see her or spend time with her. Just being nice and friendly to me was probably enough, as I was attracted to her from day 1. I'm sure I'm exaggerating her feelings and interpreting them as reciprocal simply because she didn't push me away. Once I can get through all this divorce business and step away from her for a while, I'll be able to re-evaluate with clearer vision. She is definitely a cool chick and I would like to stay friends with her, as we have a lot in common, we both bring a lot of quality to the company table, and we have a somewhat indefinite collaboration on an annual basis. We work well together.

[Sportster2005]

All situations are complicated.

 

 

No they're not. When we are honest with ourselves they are blindingly simple. Saying things are 'complicated' just allowsourselves to abdicate good judgment and sound reasoning.

 

She has a boyfriend and I haven't told her my personal details- as far as she knows I am still with the wife. Neither of us talks about our significant other. Almost like it is on purpose.

 

She has a boyfriend and you are co-workers, you shouldn't date. It's not the least bit complicated.

[relevart]

I could use a fling or rebound myself, so it's hardly a lose-lose situation.

Yes, it is. You'd be the other man or. Find someone single.

[DrFoowangle]

These Johnny-come-lately replies aren't entirely helpful if you can't bother to read the entire thread.

[relevart]

These Johnny-come-lately replies aren't entirely helpful if you can't bother to read the entire thread.

Never mind.

[relevart]

Now that I went through the entire thread, here's my advice --

Yes, it is. You'd be the other man or. Find someone single.

Since I'm not sure you can be selfless in this situation where you don't want to cause this woman any pain, let's use an entirely self-serving situation for you. If you entice this person to step out on her SO, she will likely do the same thing to you down the road.

[DrFoowangle]

Now that I went through the entire thread, here's my advice --

 

Since I'm not sure you can be selfless in this situation where you don't want to cause this woman any pain, let's use an entirely self-serving situation for you. If you entice this person to step out on her SO, she will likely do the same thing to you down the road.

 

Thank you for your comments.

 

Like I said, I've backed away from her. I value her friendship, happiness, etc. if there is a chance for us in the future, I will take it. In the meantime, I won't be a saboteur, but a friend with a healthy amount of distance.

[Shane505]

Just on the fact she is texting you and flirting with you I would say go for it. She obviously isn't loyal to her boyfriend. The only thing I would caution on is if you guys work directly with each other all the time. If anything goes sour it will be awkward to see each other.

[DrFoowangle]

Just on the fact she is texting you and flirting with you I would say go for it. She obviously isn't loyal to her boyfriend. The only thing I would caution on is if you guys work directly with each other all the time. If anything goes sour it will be awkward to see each other.

 

Ha. After all this time, a dissenting voice. Thanks for that.

 

We do work for the same company, but in different offices. We collaborate on projects though.

 

I've sort of forced myself to move on and stop thinking there's a chance there. We still talk, but mostly about work and its periphery just not in the evenings.

 

Today in an email exchange we were talking about a potential job posting for her in FL and I pretty heavily implied that I have "new-found freedom" and that my responsibilities are now limited to "my dog and I," which has made me consider looking for employment elsewhere. Thought maybe she'd bite and inquire what I meant. But no.