I'm feeling unsure all the sudden

[danman794]

So ive been with this girl for about 8 months now. We were on and off for a while, but have been on for about 3 months now. 2 of these month have been long distance and i suddenly feel like im not super interested in her. Im not sure where these feelings are coming from. Im not interested in talking to her on the phone anymore. Some of that may be because of her, though. Her life has kind of nose dived. She is taking time away from college after two dismal semesters, she fights with her parents to the point she wants to move out, and she is always sick with something and i hear her complain about all of it all the time. Ive kinda felt a little distant for a while now but the idea of breaking up just popped into my head right now.

 

Should I wait it out? I haven't seen her in a month almost so maybe that has something to do with it. I just feel weird because I have never felt this way in any relationship. I was head over heels for her and now it seems like its dissipating.

 

Any help is appreciated.

[blanco]

My first relationship was kind of like this. Good person, but we just didn't have much in common, so after the getting-to-know-you phase, we didn't have much to talk about aside from the mundane day-to-day stuff. It was also a LDR, which meant most of our communication happened on the phone. Not exactly a great medium for two people who don't have much to talk about with each other. She also seemed to always have some sort of mini-crisis going on, which wore thin after a while.

 

I think couples who don't have much to talk about can mask this a bit better when they're around each other. The phone seems to strip away everything and you're just left there facing the reality that you just don't have anything to say to this person.

[Crunchy]

I think couples who don't have much to talk about can mask this a bit better when they're around each other. The phone seems to strip away everything and you're just left there facing the reality that you just don't have anything to say to this person.

 

^very well said.

 

I'd add a few things. It's not uncommon for men to feel that they don't miss the other person for a while. My ex girlfriend was out of town once for a week, for which I didn't miss her at all, and didn't feel much like chatting with her either. This made me worry a bit but when she came back, things turned 180 degres out of nowhere and everything was cool. This happened a few more times in our relationship, never talked to her about it since after it first happened, I took it as a regular pattern that quickly solves itself.

The problem imo only becomes crucial when you miss her less and less over a lot of time (a lot being relative, you know yourself the best and what is a lot for you...I'm obviously not saying too much time needs to be wasted on figuring out if you are still interested in a certain individual or not anymore). If you two are meeting soon again definitely wait it out, and at the meeting focus on what your body's telling you. for instance you might feel a rush when you both kiss again, which is positive, or you might feel unsatisfied/bored while taking to her after long time no see, which would obviously be negative. Judge and make a decision on how youll feel at that time.

[Dcgent]

Not seeing each other frequently can be a drain on the intimacy. But the fact that you are getting tired of her lifestyle appears to be the kicker here. No use being tethered to something...you'll know when it is right to cut the cord.

[blanco]

^very well said.

 

I'd add a few things. It's not uncommon for men to feel that they don't miss the other person for a while. My ex girlfriend was out of town once for a week, for which I didn't miss her at all, and didn't feel much like chatting with her either. This made me worry a bit but when she came back, things turned 180 degres out of nowhere and everything was cool. This happened a few more times in our relationship, never talked to her about it since after it first happened, I took it as a regular pattern that quickly solves itself.

 

A lot of this has to do with how often you see the person. I lived with my ex for a year and a half, and so I saw her almost every day. In that entire time, I think we each had something that took us out of town twice each, so there was maybe six or seven days in that entire stretch where we didn't see each other. Honestly, I didn't miss her that much but that's probably because we saw each other so often that it was nice to get a reprieve. We were definitely eager to see each other upon each return, though.

[danman794]

I think blanco might have hit it on the head. I dont know if we really have a ton in common. weve been together for 8 months so i feel like weve been past the honeymoon phase for a while. When we call we talk about our day but we kinda just stall after that. This sounds dumb but after the whole "how was your day" part what should the conversation be like?

 

I have missed her more and less over the period that weve been apart. Right now I dont miss her at all and really dont want to talk to her much but once in a while I want nothing more than to see her. I dont know, this isnt my first long relationship (was in one for 1.5 years and that was long distance over a summer where we saw each other once every few weeks). My feelings are really messing me up right now.

[IAmFCA]

Do you respect each other?