Please give me some advice, Please

[Mun]

I read part of your thread.

 

Your wife now wants the gifts she thinks she deserves and is going off on this jealousy thing because you talked to old friends ..after she cheated on you?

 

Sweetie, I think your wife is afraid that some other girl will get the gifts now. I advise you not to give her a darn thing. And let's see what she does. I bet she will be upset and calling you all sorts of things. She wants money, attention, gifts... everything you have to give..but I wonder if she really wants you. Keep your eyes open with this one.

[goodoleboy]

I took your advice. I went ahead and spent the evening with her. She came over and got ready. We went out to eat but she was too tired for a move. Took her to the mall since she wanted to just look around. she bought some things but I didnt foot the bill. It surprised her I think. then she got a text message from her guy frined. She didnt call him back. We went back to my place and watched movies. She was very polite but not like she really wanted to be close. When she was leaving she hugged me and a quick kiss and a thank you. Now today we are suppose to have a super bowl party and her birthday party. Just us and one other couple.

 

After today I may go witht he NC for a few days. I feel like we are frineds still but just spinning my wheels. Just dont want to lead her in a path thinking I dont care and I have moved on. I know Im crazy. LOL Love jacks ya up at times.

[sonjam]

Hey goodoleboy, don't say thanks and all that just yet, I have a feeling this is not over by a long shot.

 

Just a thought, If you are in a relationship or married, you dont take or make calls to friends of the opposite sex more than ONCE EVERY DAY. I don't know of any other couple, however openminded they may be, that would fall for an excuse like that. I agree with Muneca, keep your eyes open my friend.

 

Even if you ignore all the advice we give you, we will still be here for you....

 

Maybe it will all work out for you, maybe not. Let's hope for the best, but keep us posted.

[goodoleboy]

She called Sunday as soon as she got off work. Went home and got ready and came over to a frineds house where we had a super bowl party and her birthday party. She acted very well. then we left at half time since she wanted to go to my house and be alone. We didnt talk about serious things at all. Just a good time. Now she wants to go to the movies tonight. she has come a long way in the past week. Since she found out I had a cup of coffee with a lady friend.

 

Your right about keeping my eyes open and see how things go. Trust is hard for me right now. Ill keep them really wide and open and use logic on all aspects.

[sonjam]

have you spoken to her about the divorce, or are you still going to get divorced?

[goodoleboy]

We spoke Friday night about the divorce with a mutual friend. She started out that she thought it was better for us. Then she said 3 different times she didnt know what to do. She wants to go out and do things but we have to hide from her mother. And we are married. She just does not want to hear her mom b#$%^. She works for her mom as well. but if she was not still somewhat wanting back together we would not be spending so much time together would we?? She wants to be around me daily. Its strange.

[sonjam]

Obviously if it is pressure from her mother, she will have to deal with it, if your relationship with her is important enough.

 

She will have to break BINDING ties with her, like working somewhere else, and moving out of there. She should be having a normal relationship with a mother, OUTSIDE of her marraige, not have her mom rule her life like she was a 13year old?

 

You are unfortunately getting the short end of this! Ask her to take a stand for your love.

[goodoleboy]

Well, after being with her for 6 days straight. She still acks like a b^%$# alot of the time. She plants seeds like she is seeing someone when she is with her dad or going to the doctor or so forth. But we spend alot of time together.

 

She said we that the past week is the best time we have spent in months. But there is no affection. She claims I killed that when I ragged her all the time when she was putting forth an effort. She also asked me if planting seeds made me jealous. She wants the best of both worlds. I just think its time for me to go out and have a good time and enjoy myself and talk to her on the flip side.

 

I guess it is possible for some one to kill everyting you can feel for them. I just thought I was to much in love to ever get where I just dont care anymore. But I guess its getting there.

[sonjam]

goodoleboy, you really should have tried to take the NC advice. But I guess it is not always possible in everybody's situation. Im so sorry things looks like it wont work out.

 

I sometimes wish people would just stop playing games with other peoples hearts, and be honest. It will save all of us alot of heartache!

 

Talk if you need to vent a bit!

[sparkey]

re-read this whole thread, and pretend it is a friend writing your posts!

 

She is manipulating you and YOU are letting her do it! She is stringing you along. Get a good lawyer! Take care of you,.

 

No matter what, put yourself and your needs first!!!

[goodoleboy]

Well, NC since yesterday. the big kicker is this. Her dad called and told me to hang in there and he knows she is still in love with me. Wo Wo. LOL I met up with a lady that I have known for 15 years. Very good looking, Sweet, kind and is a nurse and has her head on straight. she went through a divorce 9 months ago. She was in a bad one with a guy that was a good guy but had a major drinking problem. We spent the day together today and man I will say it was a breath of fresh air. I enjoyed the company so much.

 

Am I wrong for looking to move on. My wife didnt call since yesterday at noon when she had to run in a store and she would call me right back. LOL no call. I feel guilty. I know if I cross the line there is no going back. But it has been years since I felt this good about things.

 

I just dont know what to do now. Should I move on (not becuse of one date with another) or should I wait. If I move on I dont have to deal with any of the issues presented. If I stay it will be a long hard road. Please advise. And yes the NC rule stands.

[sonjam]

You are still not strong. If she breaks the contact you are going to take the call. The only reason you have NC is becouse SHE initiated it.

 

We can only support you in your decisions, we can't make them for you. If you feel that the road you have to travel to save the marraige is too hard, then get of it. It doesn't have to be that road.

 

What if you really are not a good fit, and are wasting each others time, and you could find a partner far more suitable for you, than she was, and the same for her.

 

But then maybe you need to work through the problems. Make your decisions, we are here to support you, doesn't matter which one you take.

 

Obviously if you take the

I will say it was a breath of fresh air.

route, we will not be hearing from you anymore

[goodoleboy]

I think I will stick around here for a long time. This has been the best source of support I have found. It even opens my eyes to the good times not just the bad. I would love my marriage to work. More than anything in the world. It has been 6 weeks since she moved out. I have done all I can. NC is all i have yet to do. When we do talk she talks about guys she works with (calls them alot) and calls others and does not want anyone to know where she is. It is so strange. She tries to make me jealous in everyway. After awhile it just gets old.

 

I am tired of being a door mat. I am tired of her calling just due to her wanting something. After a good bit of this I feel there may be a happier life out there.

[Mun]

You know Goodoleboy ...she sounds very immature. In my opinion she doesn't behave as though this is in a serious relationship....at all. Her mother has control of her, she doesn't want anyone to know she is with you-her husband, she talks about and calls other guys even in front of you ( unless I misunderstood). Looks to me like you are both in different places in your lives.. and possibly wasting each other's time like Sonjam says.

 

Your wife should be your equal partner, your best friend and she should respect you...is that how you feel towards her? Does she behave the same towards you? Think about this before you make a big mistake.

 

Love

[goodoleboy]

update. LOL

 

She called my work phone and marked private. She wants to go to Cobo San Lucas in Mexico. But wants to go anytime after the divorce is final. She also wants to go to the Nascar Races in April.

 

Now she talks about how she hates dealing with other peoples kids. But she is watching 2 kids that belong to another man. She told me it was a frind of hers and doing him a favor.

 

She stated that she wants a divorce or would have never filed for it.

 

Everytime she speaks she does nothing but try to piss me off. She talks about when we split up she had sex with another man. She did it for sex since I would not be a husband and have it with her. But when it came down to having sex she backed out. But she almost went all the way.

 

She stands firm on wanting the divorce and like there is no turning back no matter what. She is rude all the time. She is never kind at all. She also stated she would love to have a 2005 mustang but even if I bought it that she would not stop the divorce.

 

Now she gets pissed about the thought of me having another women in my life. I called my lawyer and he stated that dating another women or doing anything cant hurt me. That we do not have kiids so it wont matter what so ever.

 

Last time we split up years ago it was for the fact of us getting in a fight and I would kick her out. But by the time it came down to it she would stay. She told me that if I ever do it again she was gone. 2 weeks after that we fought and I said get out and she was gone. 7 weeks into it we got back together. She told me months down the road that she could not have come back any sooner due to the fact that I would not have learned anything if she did. She dated others and so did I during that time frame. But the NC worked then. I didnt talk to her for a week and boom she was wanting back.

 

Now I mentioned divorce for so long is it possible that she is doing the same thing?? It is like the whole thing over again except we are married now.

 

What is the best way to win a women back??

[Mun]

Goodoleboy...you want to win her back? I think you should re-read your post and ask yourself WHY you want her back. I can understand wanting to be needed, but it seems that along with being immature your wife is also selfish. She says " I want.." I want.." I want..." and she expects you to give, give, give. If that makes you happy, go for it, but think long and seriously about whether she wants YOU or the things you provide.

 

I know we can't tell you what to do, don't sell yourself short though...really think this through before you make a decision.

[goodoleboy]

Ya know, you all are right. I have givin her money and gifts for 6 weeks. I have been so nice to her and treated her like a queen. I have been there everytime she calls. She could call for me just to drive 20 minutes out of my way to sit down and talk while she gets her nails done and I do it. Ya know, after thinking this over, it just pisses me off. I guess she knows I am wrapped around her finger. I guess she knows that no matter what she has said to me she can get away with it.

 

Now on the flip side. She heard that I had coffee with a lady. She tripped out. Went off. Just flat out got bent sideways. Then whan she thought I was at a local club she went off again. Bent backwards. LOL

 

Now if you do not want to be with someone why do you care what they do??

 

I guess I loved my life with her. I loved her. Now I know I can live with out her but I was so much at peace with her and loved her so much I just dont want to move on with out her. God I am so stupid I know. Just dont know how to over come all of this.

[goodoleboy]

update.

 

Well, last night I told her to stick a fork in me. IM DONE.. I just went off. Today she calls me and asks about some text message that I didnt send. She said it was from a private number and not my cell. So I said I had no idea what she was talking about. She got pissed and hung up. Then called back and told me that I dont have to be rude when I am at my b*&^%'s house. Then hangs up. Then yes then she calls back and tells me that if I am going to be that way she will never call back.

 

I dont know what the deal is with her. She was mad at the world. Now she has worked 8 hours then off 8 then worked 8 and then has to pull a double with only 2 hours between and will make about $100 total. But still its not a good reason to get after me about this deal.

 

Cant see why she blows off the handle so much.

[goodoleboy]

well, it blew again. She called me again and then had to go. She was at somebodys house. She said she would call me back. I said make it before 6:00 pm. I have plans and will be gone. She said if I was going to be gone all night she wanted to stay at my house. Which is both of ours but it was granted to me. Then she blew off again. Getting on me about going to be with some ho's. I told her I would see if I can speed the divorce up with my lawyer on Monday and then she really got mad.

 

I dont see what difference it makes if she wants the divorce then why care who I am with and what we do.

[sonjam]

goodoleboy, to be honest with you, all this will sort of peak, and then cool off after the divorce. You will see. Once the "tie that bind" you are gone, so will the interest.

[goodoleboy]

Well, I feel that way sometimes but the rest of the time I feel like there is alot of hope. I tried NC but she calls alot. Now I was calling alot to but now she calls at least once per day.