goodoleboy

Well, here we go. I have been with my ex for over 4 years. We got married in July of 02. Then we ran into the problems last September. She tried real hard to make things right till Jan 04. Then she filled for divorce. She treated me real bad for about 6 weeks. I mean like dirt. Then I started working out hard at the gym. I got my career to take off. I started dating a cute lady that really helped me on my mental aspects. Then my ex chased me hard. We got back together but I made her finish the divorce at that time. She didnt want it at all. She put in 2 months of hard work. She really tried. I said things to hurt her. I guess I was still mad over her hurting me at the start of the divorce and being treated like dirt. Then she left. I got in the divorce our new home and vette and other trucks but she did get one of the farm trucks that she could afford to pay on. So she packed up all she could and left. Now she wont tell me where she is living or anything. Now I can call her since I let her keep a cell phone. But she treats me bad again. I know I deserve it. She has been real bad for 3 days. She wants me to leave her alone and give her time to think. She has told everone she loves me but she cant take it anymore. I booked a trip to cancun mexico to get remarried in July. It was a surprise. Well, I told her about that and she said as of now she would love to go. But no one knows what could happen in 2 months. But she is short and rude and doesnt want me calling her. Now the kicker. the cute little lady I spoke of at the start. LOL I called her and started spending the nite over there. No one knows. Well, my ex thinks she does and asks me about it. She shows she is jealous. My question is this. Everytime we split when I leave her alone for weeks with NC and she hears I am dating someone and my life is great she wants back with me. But this time she is like it is over for good other than the trip. Does NC really work that well. If I call she blast feeds me. But she did this last time and wanted back. But I am confused and dont really know what to do. I need some help. But I do want her back and I have learned my lesson. Please help me out here.

Well, I feel that way sometimes but the rest of the time I feel like there is alot of hope. I tried NC but she calls alot. Now I was calling alot to but now she calls at least once per day.

Roman, I have been going through alot of what you say and feel. Its very hard. Somedays are better than others. I know we all say take care of yourself and move on. Well, it is harder than said. I mean it is hard to do NC. And if they are the ones calling it makes it heck on your emotions not to pick up. But it is also hard to take care of yourself. I think what everyone means or the way I take it is to focus on something else. Like I started working out 6 days aweek instead of 3. I put alot of effort in my career and devoted more time. I took more pride in me. I have been through this one time before with my wife. Before we were married and then I goof up a little and here i go again. But it is not hopeless until you give up. Now it all depends on how you react to her actions. I learned that the hard way. With that long of a history there has to be something pulling her away. check your private messages and Ill send you some help.

hmmm, well what you say is very true in alot of cases. But my question is this. I got dumped years ago. and my g/f would not give me the time of day. She would take call my calls daily but I was spinning my wheels bad. After I tried and went all out for about a month I just gave up. I didnt speak to her for about 4 days. Didnt take her calls. Then she did call me and got mad as heck for me not talking to her. She went out with a guy alot but claimed not sex. But I did the same with a girl. Then we got back together pretty fast after NC. Now I am in the boat but married to her now and she filled for divorce and doing the same thing again. So would NC help now or am I s$%^& out of luck???

Ok, I have a few questions on this subject. I had a girl frined for 1 1/2 years. We broke up due to my fault. Based on rumors I kept telling her to move out. Then she told me if I did it again she would leave and not come back. Well, another rumor and come to find out it was an old ex doing it, I kicked her out again. She left this time. I tried to win her back for a month. Roses, text messages and begging and so forth. Then I went 3 days with NC and she called upset and we talked. Then with in a week we were good to go. She told me later that it bugged her pretty bad. But she knew we couldnt get back together in a week or 2 during that time since she knew I would not have changed. So she had to wait it out. Now she said she never had sex but she date a guy off and on during that time for the purpose of having someone to spend a little time with. I knew this when she went out with him the first time and she never lied about it. Now it has been 3 years and boom here I go again. Lets make this as short as possible. I opened a new company and left the company I worked for. Stress, Stress. I went in a shell and was to myself for about 3 weeks. I wouldnt tell her my feelings. I didnt want her to stess with me. I rejected her for watching TV and taking a bath nightly with her and having sex during this time. I was stressed. Then she started talking to a guy. She said it was about me and what I was doing and why. They talked alot on the cell phone. I found out. She didnt lie to me about it. But then she started being a perfect wife. But I was a %$^% about it. I told her daily that I live day to day and I dont know if I am getting a divorce. I had the power at the time and I knew it and abused it. I did by her another new SUV during that time and I was good some of the time. But I mentioned divorce so many times she gave up. Then she threw her hands up and filled for divorce. Now her mother forced this issue and said if she is paying for her side then she has no choice but to go through with the divorce. Now her mother got real mad and let my wife live with them and gave her a job waiting talbes at a cafe. Now she sticks to her thoughts and insists on a divorce but she tells me we may have a chance and can go out and see how it goes after the divorce. She wants to go to the Nascar races and to Cancun. She always talks about after the divorce. Now here is the real kicker. I talk to her mulitple times per day. The day of our first hearing I ignored her fully. Then that afternoon she called and wanted to eat dinner. Which I did. No biggy. Then she came over the next day and we slept together. Then the next weekend we went out Thursday - Monday. Then the next weekend (this past one) I sent her roses to her work Sunday. Then Today we had breakfast since we went to the bank for some issues. But she leads me all the time like she is around other guys. There is one man that is 52 and she is 24. He is a fry cook that makes around $200 a week. She helps keep his baby and they go places together. Now I cant say much since I have had the company of other women with out her knowledge. NOw I dont have sex but I do go out with them. Now the question I have is about NC. If I go with out contact since we talk numerous times per day and we are getting no where. Would the NC help me. Would you think that it may open her eyes that she may have or is losing me. I dont want to do this for the wrong reasons though. I just want her back and treat her right. But everyone preaches about NC and the healing but I have seen where it does bring back the other party alot of times. I would like to go till friday and then text message that I have taken care of something to do with our banking business. Then wait 4 or 5 days and have something else to talk to her about. Now in the mean time I just wont take all her calls and text messages. This is what I did last time as a last resort and it worked. Do girls really get upset when a guy gives up in a sense and puts wonder in their minds?? See, my wife is going from a princess to cenderlla. She had the world, cars, houses, travel trailers, trucks, atv's, diamonds and shopped daily. Never worked. Now she makes 30 to 50 dollars a night waiting tables for 12 hours or so per nite. She does get mad that I dont have to worry about money. So I know this hurts in a way. NC, how can I use this and how do I do this.

Hmmm, my ex told me Friday that she got me something for VDay. So I sent a dozen roses to her work yesterday for this great day. Then today she got all bent out of shape since I would not let her come to my house and get stuff that is hers. I am not being a a%$ but I just dont want her going through all my stuff with out me being there. She went off about this. But the courts told her she had to go through a process if she wanted a hair brush from my house. She got over that pretty fast. Then she said she had plans this morning for lunch. Like a date. but it was not a date it was lunch with her dad but she acts like it was something else. Then I was nice. I asked her out for dinner. but no she has plans. I dont know what they are but she has them. So I asked a cute girl out tonight and we are a go for dinner and a movie. But it sucks not being with the one that you really love alot. So at least I got a gift for today and she got roses but it sucks we are not together for this day. Now my wife wants to start dating and going places after the divorce. Strange deal on me. Sorry so long guys.

Another strange day. My ex called and I didnt pick up. Then she texted me and said she was going to the house to get some things. She is by the court order not suppose to be there at all. So I went home and then we talked on the phone. She was bent all kinds of sideways. then she would go off and hang up. Then call back and be level headed. She said she had plans at 11:00 this morning (like a date) and could be at the house at 12:00. but come to find out she was at her moms house with her little cousin. then she said tonight would not work out since she had plans. She makes it like she is out dating. But then alot of the time she is doing no wrong but she does plant seeds with me. She talks about getting back together down the road. But she did this last time years ago and later told me if she didnt give our seperation enough time that we would have never gotten back together and made it. So I wonder if this is not another point she is proving to me. She has said from day one that after the divorce we can date or live together or what ever but we need to wait till the divorce. Now she wanted to get our vow's redone months back anyway. So this may be an effort to do that after the divorce and just start over. I dont know. This is bumming me out bad.

Well, I have kept the no contact today. The Daytona 500 speed week is in place for Nascar and me and my wife were there last year for this event. She was on my mind so I messed up real bad. I sent her a donzen roses. they were a orange color with red tips. It was cool as it could be. It had butterflies as well. Looks like they were flying around the roses. It is cool. But I thought well, she works today and it always made her so proud to have flowers sent to her. So I did it. I got a text message telling me the roses were beautiful and thank you. I got my message accross what ever that was. Her cousin called me today as well. He said that he was at the lake and saw my house so thought he would call and give me a call and check on me. After we talked a bit he brought up my divorce. He said that my ex is hitting rock bottom to a degree. He said she doesnt have all the money and nice things anymore. She is working double shifts just to have spending money. That she is always in a bad mood. That she is keeping some guys kids and they are driving her crazy. But when she calls me she asks like kids are just oh so cool. Her cousin also said that he can tell that the divorce is starting to hit home with her. He said that she knows she is not near as happy and her moods are bad most of the time. what is so sad is she is hanging out with low life people. Now I dont mean poor people. I mean people that have not morals. People that have been in and out of jail for drugs and stuff. Is it possible that people wake up one day and realize what they had and want it back??

I agree with all the posts above. It took her 5 months to start to come back and still has no sign to commit to you. If she felt anything she would have contacted you sooner. but its almost like she does not have anyone right now. Trust me I know how it goes. I hate to say this but I have done the same thing in my past. I had a girl that was head over heals and I would go back to her a few times a year when there was nothing else to do. In the end I learned and saw what I was doing and it hit me hard. I may be wrong but it sounds close if ya ask me. Good luck and I wish ya the best.

cleverme, you know you are right. I had a house built and completed in June of last year. I am having to pay my ex around $20k at the end of the divorce so I can keep it. Even though she didnt pay one red cent for nothing. But... I would love for the g/f to move in today. But due to my divorce I am out of luck. Now her son is cool as he can be. He is the same age as my daughter. He is a true boy but acts like a little adult. its cool. Your right about her brother-in-laws brother. If she had feelings she would have acted on them by now. I guess I need to let time take care of that since I know she will get sick of not being able to go and do things because of him. I know I need to stop contact with my ex. Its hard but I know I have too. I am going to start NC today. I think that will be my best bet.

I sat her and thought about my last post. Each of you are correct. The reason for me sleeping with my soon to be ex. I do still lover her. Its hard to do the NC and not take her up on the offer of coming over. but If you had seen my other posts you would think I am crazy for even thinking of her. So I have made up my mind to stick to NC and if it was meant to be she will find a way to bring me back. I look at it now as I am finished. I gave that women my all and it was not good enough. but she also has said she will never have a life as good as she had it with me. So..... Now the advice of what each of you gave me seem logical. I know I have to bee real careful not to over step my bounds. but I think I can do it in a way to help her not just to do it to give me what I want. I dont want to make it sound that if she does not get him out then I am gone. She is so nice and soft hearted it is almost a shame. But he does have feelings for her and she thinks that he will stay as long as he can and hope that she will have feelings for him one day. She thinks it is sick. He is the same as her kin folks. So she is not really hip on that. I guess right now I dont know how to word it on starting the conversation about him. Any thoughts on all this to help me out. If I am wrong on anything with this or my ex please let me know.

I did blow her off and blow it up yesterday. I got fed up and just went off. She was mad at the world from the start and got real mad at the end. NC from now on with her. She may want to talk but I have nothing left to say or do. The new girl is really everything I have ever wanted. But I cant call her and she cant call me since the lodger is there 24/7. She is soft hearted. Even her mother is to the point of taking care of it. The girl just turned 29 Friday. So its not like she is a teenager. I just dont want to over step my bounds. heavenlee, this girl is 180 degree different than my ex. She loves her career. We have talked at times for hours. We were watching TV the other night and just talking and the way she was to her mate would have been a dream in my eyes. but her husband ( a long time friend of mine as well) loved beer and the bars more than her. He cheated on her at least 2 times per month for 9 years. I could go on for weeks on how great of a girl she is. But the point is she always looks to the positive side of people and is soft hearted. When the lodger states he is going to get a job in the next few weeks and move she thinks it is the truth. Just like her exhusband would say he was going to stop cheating. She is smart but she looks at people in a positive way. I have spoke to her about this just a little. but I hate to start out as a control freak. I want to start out on the right foot this time and keep in mind my mistakes in the past and make sure I can keep this relationship good and have a good time with out tearing it up at anytime in the future. I may be wrong on how to look at this or what to do.

Ok, I am going through a divorce. No kids so I can date. So here is my question. I have known a girl for, well, 10 years plus. She is a beautiful girl. My wife or soon to be ex is not even close to this lady. She is a nurse. Independent, kind, sweet and smart. she is always in a good mood. Its great. We have so many things in common. No the issue. We have been going to lunch for a few months. She comes to my house somedays and stays all day.. Earl moring till late. but she has a guy living with her. It is her Brother-in-laws brother. He went through a divorce and had no where to live. She was a single mom (she got a divorce 9 months ago) and having him there was peace of mind. She has said from day one there is nothing there. but she learned he has feelings for her. Not a sexual relationship. But she cant go out on weekends or do things do to this guy. He will not move and will not get a job. He lives off of her. Now she is soft hearted. I have know this for years. She just cant put him out. Now our relationship has come to where we will be seen in public more when my divorce is final. She has plans to decorate my house I had built 6 months ago. She was going to get her tubes tied this month but I made a comment I would want a son some day. So now she is not doing it. She talks about alot of our future. I never speak of it. I told her 4 weeks ago I need time and space to get through my divorce. She gave me 2 weeks and sent me VDay cards. She started calling. I know she wants to really hook up but what about the live in. I cant say alot about him due to me being married still and having sex with my exwife a few times a week. I dont know what to do. And no my exwife wants this divorce beyond a doubt. I tried to work that out. No go on that.

Well, here is my 2 cents. I had a girl friend that I broke up with a few years back. I started dating a new girl and moved on pretty fast. I would still talk to my ex ever now and then. But I found out she had a new guy. I did call and ask her about him. I told her I was glad she found a good guy and hope things work out for her. She was a good girl. We had a 2 year relationship before we split. So he may just be curious. Thats all I was. I had no intention on getting back together. Everyone is different. So that is just my thoughts.

well, it blew again. She called me again and then had to go. She was at somebodys house. She said she would call me back. I said make it before 6:00 pm. I have plans and will be gone. She said if I was going to be gone all night she wanted to stay at my house. Which is both of ours but it was granted to me. Then she blew off again. Getting on me about going to be with some ho's. I told her I would see if I can speed the divorce up with my lawyer on Monday and then she really got mad. I dont see what difference it makes if she wants the divorce then why care who I am with and what we do.