Got her e-mail address/msn, what next?

[Timbits]

I talked with her for about 5 mins at the bookstore where she works and was able to get her e-mail address (it was hard overcoming the fear but I sucked it up and did it ... with success! Even though it was only her email address, it felt like the piece of paper in my hand was the coveted Holy Grail) Now, since I only have her email address I am wondering whether I made a mistake and should have asked for her phone number. (But then again I can always ask it through email).

 

I haven't emailed her yet. I truly want to know how I should approach this. What is the etiquette supposed to be like for writing emails? how long? how often should email her? should ask for her number before we become dedicated email buddies and nothing more? Also, is it a good idea to add her to my MSN messenger list? I know it may seem trivial but situations where shes on and I'm on and if I dont engage in chat she or I may think bad of it... I dont know why I am worrying about this so much, I think its because this is the first time in a long time where my chance with a girl actually seem good! I know I know, I shouldnt think too much of it. hmmmm....

Furthermore, say we do make contact through email regularly, I do not want to disclose a lot of info about myself. I'd personally rather save it for when we are actually on a date so I have something to say. I am so bad with conversation that occasionally I need to write points down on paper and go through them in sequence when conversing with someone.

I think its a mixture of two things:

1) I hate awkward silences, and

2) She might think I am uninteresting.

 

In addition to that, is it ok to ask a girl out on a date via email? Or should I ask for her phone# and ask her over the phone? Has anyone been in this position or know anyone who was? Any help is appreciated, the sooner, the better. I trust and value your opinions very much You guys are the relationship experts I could never afford to have in real life!

[San123]

Well you can talk about maybe getting together sometime in an e mail, but if youre going to set up an actual date, Id do it on the phone. Its more personable.

[DN]

ok, first of all relax. Then, having done that, relax some more. You're winding yourself up so much you'll bust a spring.

 

Make sure in the e-mail that you identify yourself properly, she may have given it to others at some point and wonder who the hell you are.. Say something how you were pleased she gave it to you cos you think she is attractive, pretty, whatever you like. Say you would like to get to know her a little better and suggest meeting for coffee. Don't give time or place, just leave it open. Let it be non-threatening and laid back (this is why you have to relax). Send the e-mail within 48 hours. If she answers yes, ask for her number so you can set a time and lpace

[Caldus]

What is the etiquette supposed to be like for writing emails? how long?

 

Besides the obvious rules such as no cussing, etc., there isn't much to it. Just be yourself. Keep the emails relatively short. Usually no more than a paragraph. Get rid of the "fluff" in your emails and stick to the point.

 

how often should email her?

 

I would definitely not email more than two or three times a week as she will begin to think you're some desperate guy. Wait until she responds to your email before writing another one.

 

should ask for her number before we become dedicated email buddies and nothing more?

 

Maybe add a line to the end of one of your emails asking for her phone number. Say something like "hey I would like to chat with you on the phone some time ... what's your number?"

 

Also, is it a good idea to add her to my MSN messenger list?

 

Well you got her screenname so why not? You're the one who asked for it so add it on. Start chatting with her some time.

 

In addition to that, is it ok to ask a girl out on a date via email?

 

I would suggest doing it over the phone or better yet in person.

 

You really need to relax first though. You're way too worried about all of this. It's not supposed to be like that. It's very important to be yourself when you chat with her. Don't try to impress her. Also, she may have a boyfriend already so keep that in mind.

[lady00]

I agree that you should send an email asking to meet up casually and just say "sometime" and hopefully she will respond yes. I also agree that its important that you send it within the next couple of days so you can make reference to meeting her in the bookstore and she will remember you, put a face to an email address so to speak. Don't leave it too long otherwise she might forget. I definitely agree with the other posters about the most important thing...have fun! Go with the flow and just let things progress naturally. Email her and if she responds then email again and maybe chat online with her, ask for her phone number etc over time build up communication and get to know each other.

[The1]

you are thinking way too much. calm down and relax. women like confident guys. she obviously has a taken a likeing to you otherwise you wouldnt of gotten her email. jus email her, and get her number so u can set up a dat later on.

[annie24]

Yeah, I ditto what everyone else said. I think the e-mail should not be longer than 4-5 sentences. Send it soon (within the next day or two). Ask her to lunch/dinner/movie/whatever. Once she replies, then you can start going back and forth on e-mails. Like the other people said, not more than 2-3 per week.

 

I don't like chatting over IM with my friends who live in the same town as me - it feels pointless - I'd rather they called me. I only IM with my friends that live in different states or different countries (cheaper than the long distance phone bills!) But, that's just my personal preference.

[Timbits]

Appreciate the speedy responses; you guys are super fast! Will keep in mind all the pointers you gave me, all were excellent! The points that struck me the hardest were relaxing, having fun and just enjoying the date, rather than worrying about what she's thinking & whether she likes me. Clearly, I have been using the wrong mind set all along. In response to Caldus' concluding question: At the time, I had asked her if she was married or had a boyfriend to which she replied no, so I'm assuming the coast is clear for me to offer to get to know her better. Will update you guys on the developments as they come.

[Timbits]

Hey guys I am back. I've had 2 online sessions talking with the girl whose E-mail/msn I was able to get. In person she was calm, cool, and collected and in a way seemed mature for her age. When I talked with her online, I realized that she typed things like "OMG", spelled 'this' like 'dis', and used "lol" a helluva lot. That to me looks like she isnt as mature as I thought her out to be. I am assuming that she has a truckload of friends on msn who talk like dis and dat, and it rubbed off on her. Heck, I'm going out on a limb considering I've only chatted with her twice, but that is what it seemed like. I suppose msn messenger is not a great way to have a decent conversation b/c u constantly have ppl IM'ing you here and there. thereforeeee, its hard to focus on one conversation. Now, all of a sudden, she seems younger than 18 yrs old. Should I even continue this pursuit? I am 24 while she is 18. I plan on asking for her number as a last resort to have a decent conversation over the phone (like we did when we briefly met for the first time at her work). The funny part was that I came this close into thinking she was THE one. There's nothing left to do but smile at my obvious blunder. Should have known 6 years was way beyond my threshold.

[DN]

does she talk like that in person?

 

sometimes people get into a mode of talking online that is not who they really are, or a stream of consciousness thing which can distort their usual way of speaking.

[PrincessLinzay]

Hey Timbits~

 

First and foremost, kudos to you for actually making a move! It takes a lot of courage to approach someone.

 

Emailing potential dates is kind of a foreign concept to me, but I'll try to help

 

I agree that the first step is to relax Email gives you an opportunity to feel each other out without any of the first conversation silences. You want to convey your real personality, but I definitley agree you should keep some things out to share on a date.

 

Her MSN personality could very well just be a product of the computer world. I would focus more on how she came off in person as this is more likely how she is in reality.

 

Keep it casual, but don't let so much time lapse that you fall into the "friend" category. Make your intentions clear, ask her out the next time you two talk. Suggest coffee or dinner, something casual where you can get to know one another better in person. No movies.

 

In this day and age, email is probably almost more common than talking on the phone. I'm going to learn right along with you.

 

Good Luck~

[Caldus]

Actually, instant messenger is more common than email as far as I know. She probably talks like that because a lot of other people talk like that in the instant messenger world. I know a lot of people who talk like that on AIM/MSN/Yahoo but then talk differently when in person.

 

Timbits, remember to relax and have fun. Nothing worse than taking the whole thing so seriously.

[Tombo123]

Talking via messenger rather than in person is very different. First of all, there are times when you wouldn't know if she was joking or not, agreeing or not.. it happens when talking to someone in person, but it's better in person as you see them and can also tell if they do agree to a suggestion or something.

If you want to talk to her (ask her out on a date), I'd say talk to her in person.