davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Long story short, I was invited to go to a long weekend festival. Then I was uninvited by my gf. She told me it is not fair to her friends who are sharing the hotel with her. They had planned this trip before my gf and I ever met. Her friends that are going are guys and they are not taking their girlfriends to this festival. She claims she wants me to go, but I can't because it will upset them. This has left me upset. How upset would this get other people? I trust that she is not fooling around with them, but I am hurt that I am not being included and my feelings are second to her friends. Am I making a big deal out of this? We have been dating for 3 months, she and her friends are in their mid 20s. I'm 35. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It was planned before you MET! None of them are bringing their gf's. Time to put on your big boy pants and tell her to enjoy herself. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I disagree. Something feels off here. Are you guys official? If you are her boyfriend why would it upset them if you attend as well? Travel plans are made to be changed. Why aren't the girlfriends going as well if it is one big happy family? Or maybe that is a sign of the age difference between the two of you. She is still at the couchsurfing stage while you are more at the stage where everyone can afford their own room. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Couldn't you get your own hotel room? Why is your presence upsetting to them? Have you met them before? Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you both for the quick replies. Yes we are official and tell each other that we love each other all the time. I think the other girlfriends aren't going because of lack of interest in the festival. Part of me says to put my big boys pants on and let them be. The other part tells me this might be a future sign of commitment issues and care of my feelings. Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Yes I have met the friends. And the idea of me staying elsewhere at the festival is ok with my gf. But that is definitely not ok with me. I would rather not go, than get my own room and my gf still sleep in the room with the other boys. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I think she is hiding something she doesn't want to disclose to you. If you were invited first and she uninvited you there is something she is not honest to you about. I am sure she won't tell you either... anyways....unless all of her guy friends are 100% gay I think you have something valid to worry about. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 What if she shared a room with you, but still shared the cost with them? Is it the cost of the room that upsets them or something else? Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 All 3 claim to best friends. One of the guys thinks I will be in the way and tagging along to everything they do. It all is upsetting me more and more to be honest. Maybe they think I'm old and lame, who knows. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It was planned before you MET! None of them are bringing their gf's. Time to put on your big boy pants and tell her to enjoy herself. This I would agree with, if it was all girls who don't bring any of their boyfriends Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Davekin. They are her friends. What do you think is going to happen...a gang-bang? Come on... Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 No, I stated that I trust her. My concern is of my feelings coming last to everyone else. If I am her bf and lover, I feel I should be included with none of this drama. If the tables were turned I would include her regardless of what my friends think about it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Okay - if all these people are guys, she would have her own hotel room and the guys would share, right? So how would that hurt their feelings? It would just be a matter of you sleeping with your girl, where their arrangement won't change, or is she hiding the fact they are all rooming together? I don't know about you, but if I was going to a festival with friends, I might jump at the chance to be able to split the trip more ways and it to come out cheaper for all involved. What would bother me is that she wanted you to come UNTIL she decided their feelings would be hurt, which makes me feel one of them voiced their opinion and then she reversed her decision on you. Rather than she not inviting you because the trip was booked. its not that you shouldn't trust her - but the fact that she ininvited you to save THEIR feelings that would concern me more. If she had never invited you, that would be a different matter. I would keep an eye on things going forward. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 No one said gang-bang. And the thread is under Age Gap which is the issue. The gf is still down with the low rent music festival where 5 people share a single hotel room and live off of junk food for the weekend. Just an interesting dynamic when she is the only female there and she is more worried about hurting the blokes feelings then finding a way to include her new guy. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 No, I stated that I trust her. My concern is of my feelings coming last to everyone else. If I am her bf and lover, I feel I should be included with none of this drama. If the tables were turned I would include her regardless of what my friends think about it. Do you think you should be involved in all her social activities? If she has been spending most of her time with you since you have started dating, you can not conclude that this event is showing her putting her friends needs above yours.... Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 You are exactly on point with why I made this thread. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Geeze, life is too short for this ruminating lol. Newsflash, Davekin. A couple do NOT have to do absolutely everything together. In fact it is a healthy sign when they do things separately as well as together. Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 You are exactly on point with why I made this thread. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Geeze, life is too short for this ruminating lol. Newsflash, Davekin. A couple do NOT have to do absolutely everything together. In fact it is a healthy sign when they do things separately as well as together. Not at all. If she was going with all women, or couples, or a mix of guys and gals - he wouldn't care. Its the fact that she invited, then disinvited to not hurt THEIR feelings. its not like "you know, i know i invited you, but we wanted to make this a girl's weekend" (if it were all girls.) or "You know, I found out that the show is sold out and there are no more tickets. I know I invited you - but I am sorry."(girls or guys), not "i don't want to hurt their feelings" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 well her friends clearly think that having you there will be a party kill for them ..and indeed the dymanics in a group of friends does change when one takes their SO with them .. as this was planned pre you and you and her are only 3 months into this I would just let it go . Of course I have thought , does the one that is shouting the loudest have an agenda and that's why he doesn't want you to go !! but ..... he could have an agenda festival or not ..and that is only me jumping to huge conclusions . Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Where does this stand in the scheme of things when I read some of the heart-rending threads on here. Pippy, I know what you mean about "Narnia", heh heh Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Where does this stand in the scheme of things when I read some of the heart-rending threads on here. Pippy, I know what you mean about "Narnia", heh heh hahhaah come on ..there's room for you Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 well her friends clearly think that having you there will be a party kill for them ..and indeed the dymanics in a group of friends does change when one takes their SO with them .. as this was planned pre you and you and her are only 3 months into this I would just let it go . Of course I have thought , does the one that is shouting the loudest have an agenda and that's why he doesn't want you to go !! but ..... he could have an agenda festival or not ..and that is only me jumping to huge conclusions . Thanks for your input. It's exactly what my "good cartoon angel" on my shoulder tells me, ha. But it's also not a good way of making me comfortable with her and friends relationships. It's made our relationship uncomfortable to be honest. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Dave. You can't have the roses without the thorns. That's what life is like. Link to comment
davekin Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 True, the old "bitter without the sweet." Link to comment
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