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Gf is going to weekend festival with guy friends. Doesn't want me to go.

davekin

By davekin
in Age Gap Relationships

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

Posted
Posted
WOW!!! It's a girl by herself at festival with lots of drinking with guys. I'm done.

 

 

Did you invent the drinking? Because OP never mentioned it.

 

A woman by herself? How can she survive? Single girl in the city of wolves?

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

Posted
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I wouldn't be cool with a partner with these boundaries. But I'm not OP. And I'm a woman. I think it's less a safety issue here and more a boundary issue. If it was a woman posting about her younger bf going off with a group of female friends, sharing a hotel room, I'd feel the same way as I do here.

 

I wouldn't be cool with it either. But the fact of the matter is she presented the invite, withdrew the invite and is going.

 

OP's choice is to suck it up or dump her.

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Feast Apprentice

Feast

Posted
Posted

Yes I'm assuming young people in their 20s will be drinking a lot at a weekend long festival. If they are not drinking then please ignore what I posted. Not sure why everyone is assuming its Bible-con 2015. The fact girls aren't interested in going makes me think it's a guy thing - more likely drinking going on.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

Posted
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Again, I used to travel very frequently with a group of all guys.

 

Many of the men assumed I was there for sex. They even said so. I just laughed at them.

 

As I said, the word "no" is very short and easy to pronounce.

 

Remember, she'll cheat if she wants to. And if she doesn't want to, she won't.

 

Forbidding her to go somewhere won't stop her from cheating if she really wants to.

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Feast Apprentice

Feast

Posted
Posted

Yeah, the OP is unclear on what the festival is. I wouldn't worry about her cheating either, like is mentioned above. If a girl or guy wants to cheat during a relationship, at least you know to get out before it goes any further - marriage for example. Still surprised the women posting aren't worried about her safety, but ok. I know it can happen, been there, when I was in court helping my GF charge the "male friends" I sure didn't get the impression this was a rare event at all. Think you'd be surprised.

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  • 2 weeks later...
BigKK Collaborator

BigKK

Posted
Posted
I think the other girlfriends aren't going because of lack of interest in the festival.

 

It doesn't sound like a music festival and lots of drinking. Its sounds like Comicon.

 

This sounds more like Coachella vs. comic con. Two VERY different events in my eyes haha.

 

I just came back from rummaging through comic con, I came out with a sharknado hat. My girlfriend didn't bat an eye since it's an obvious nerd fiesta.

 

Coachella on the other hand, if I went with a group of girls...I think she'd still trust me but definitely wouldn't be as much of a happy camper if it was just me and a few girls in a hotel.

 

 

Needless to say, we need an update. as been there said, need to know if we're saving lives

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Snny Experienced

Snny

Posted
Posted
Thanks for taking the time to give insight. I have dropped it. We talked about it, and it's a one time thing. It was planned before I was ever involved. I do trust her, or I would've simply broke it off over this. It would be silly to end something that is growing over this. Thanks to everyone for giving me different perspectives.

 

He did follow up. Go back and read the thread. Unfortunately some posters are just turning this thread into an unnecessary debate.

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  • 2 weeks later...
skyhop333 Apprentice

skyhop333

Posted
Posted

Wait a minute.... she is okay with you having a separate room, but she is rooming with men who don't have their significant others around....

 

Suggest she stays in a room with you and her guy friends room with themselves. That's all a room is for is sleeping then that basically busts her if she denies you.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 3 years later...
davekin Apprentice

davekin

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Wow it's been a few years since I made this thread. Life is all about learning experiences, so I am updating this in hopes that others can give some insight. Maybe someone else is dealing with a similar situation and get something out of this one.

I will try to make this a short as possible, this event was a struggle in the following months. There was no infidelity but I always questioned my value to my gf in comparison to her friends. We remained together for almost 4 years, but these years were filled with much resentment and unhappiness. The below quote from another member speaks loudly all these years later, as I was excluded from so many things. I have never met a person who kept me segregated from holidays, work parties, birthdays etc. For all the major holidays she would fly back home to another state and never include me. I've spent every Christmas, New Years and other big events alone. I tried to go home with her many times, but she said it was her family time. I expressed my feelings of being left alone for the holidays year after year. "Will this change?" "Where do I fit in the picture?"

I've been cheated on in a previous relationship, that was awful. But this relationship made me feel alone and sad in a different way. I questioned my value and self worth.

 

Has anyone dealt with type of person that keeps everything segregated? BF, friends, family?

 

Davekin, go with your gut on this and how you think you will feel about it all the future. I had similar problems with an ex in the past. While I'm sure nothing happened, it highlighted the fact that she wasn't very mature and had different values to me. Those guys were friendzoned too but never became friends of mine. Think about this, will these guys be friends of yours too in the future? If yes, then this trip will never bother you again. If no, then you will also feel a little peeved about this trip.

 

The fact that you are writing about it shows that it bothers you. I can say with hindsight, that things like this will come up again throughout the relationship. You expressed your uncomfort and your GF does she care? Or is she simply saying too bad for you deal with it? Would you want a wife who goes away on trips with the boys and doesn't want you around. Time to start talking about this stuff now because these kind of values don't really change in people. Sure those guy friends might fade away over time, but I guarantee your gf's approach to situations like this won't change and you will be stressing about plenty of these situations in the future. One day she might dump you for being a pain over it and you will be angry that you never stood by you values.

 

And... you say you are dating her and not them. I take this as you don't really like these guys much. I used to say the same thing. But your gf picks them. So you are also saying you don't like your girlfriend's choice making abilities. Really think about yourself here.

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reinventmyself Grand Master

reinventmyself

Posted
Posted

 

Has anyone dealt with type of person that keeps everything segregated? BF, friends, family?

 

No. Because the moment it became apparent that I was going to be excluded from his inner world, I'd be gone.

I questioned my value and self worth.

 

No doubt the situation caused you to feel this way. But by making the choice to stay in it suggests that you don't honor your own value and self worth. Why did you subject yourself to this and why didn't you believe you deserved better?

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ThatwasThen Grand Master

ThatwasThen

Posted
Posted

You were part time filler by the sounds of things.

 

As for your question.. No, people in a relationship do not want you segregated from their family and friends. It almost sounds like she was hiding something (or someone) from you.

 

I'm sad that you let this go on for four years and didn't get yourself away from her and her segregation the minute it happened again after telling her how much it bothered you and made you feel sad and alone.

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