Be careful when choosing friends

[hecka_bekah]

I just got back from a friend's house. I needed to call up another friend because I was so upset, but I couldn't get ahold of anyone so I'm here online. A guy friend I know invited me to hang out at his place with a few of his friends. These friends I actually know from church and these are the people who have been a bad influence on me and I was naive enough to hang out with them. Well, I knew it was better to stay home tonight, but when he invited me I wanted to do something. After all I've been alone much of the time due to the fact that I recently broke up with my boyfriend and my best friend moved. I knew they would ask me to drink and I usually say no and I thought I would just say no this time. Plus, his parent's are gone and they are nice people and just thinking about doing this behind their back bothers me.

 

I went over and it was fine for awhile, but just observing these people I hung out with for a few monthes, I got a bad vibe from. Then my guy friend kept on asking me if I wanted to drink. I kept on saying no. He said he would buy and I said yes thinking I would only drink a little bit. Then what really bothered me was a conversation a couple of my friends had. They are brother and sister and so they were comfortable enough to talk about anything with each other. The brother said something about a "sweet spot" and his sister said, "you know all about that don't you?" He said "how do you know?". "Someone told me,"she said. I knew they were talking about this last summer. Something I'd love to forget.

 

This summer at a friend's going away party the brother asked me if I would want to go watch a movie with him. He basically made me feel guilty because no one was going to hang out with him that night. Well we watched a movie in his room and he asked if I wanted a massage. I didn't think he'd take advantage of me in anyway. After all he is a goofy, likeable guy. I said yes and it made me feel comfortable when he said that his mom used to massage them when they were little. It seemed innocent, until something happened that I regret...a sexual act. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to happen, but I'm more upset with him because he had a way with words and his touch. I felt so disgusting and he said that I shouldn't tell anyone...ugghh. He acted like he cared about my feelings (I was kind of seeing a guy and was just emotional), but what he did was use that to his advantage. That sickened me....

 

I ended up telling my best friend and the guy I was kind of seeing right after. Also, I told my guy friend (who invited me to the hang out) later on. They are really good friends and I wanted him to know what his friend was really like. I told him not to tell anyone and he promised....

 

Well he lied and it really hurts right now. For some reason I thought I could trust him. Also, I can't believe that I was going to hang out at my guy friends house, thinking that nothing was going to happen. I realize that you just don't put yourself in that situation and think your strong enough to handle it, because in most cases a lot of people aren't.

 

I decided to leave a little after the brother and sister said that. Even the brother asked, "Why don't you hang out with us anymore?" Maybe because they never call me or it's just the guys calling me to go clubbing. Yeah, it feels like they use me and I'm glad I realized that now. I have a feeling the sister knew why I left, but I don't care at all what they say. After all, they know I have morals and it should be known. I just feel so gross for what happened especially because I have good relationships with their parents who I see at church.

 

I am mad at myself for being taken advantage of, but it's a learning process. I'm still naive and it scares me that I can put myself in a position way worse than that. Okay this is getting to long so I'll cut it short. I just want to say to those people out there that are my age, who may be feeling lonely and are really eager to make new friends....be careful! A lot of people are there to use you even if they use words that contradict the very thought if it. These people don't care how much you drink, well only if they can have some action with you and that's the only time they call you up! Be careful when picking out good friends!

 

Rebekah

[marolua]

I think good friends never joke in the way these people have done. Maybe you should be more aware of what you mean by a good friend, an ordinary friend and a best friend.

Ordinary friends might tell jokes about you that might hurt your heart. That has happened to me. I told something special to one of my friends, and I heard him joking about this very important issue to other guys. That was so disgusting. The thing is that this can happen to everyone, the important thing is the be aware of the limitations of your friendship and stop hanging out with them because you do not have any other thing to do. Make new friends, and don't give people more love than they deserve.

[Gauchori]

hmmm... firt of all.. I don't think these people are good friends... and... what kind of church do you go to? because if they were religeous enough, I don't think they would even drink....

 

Anyways... you have to know that when people get together, specially when they know eachother and stuff, they tend to go jerks and do stupid stuff that you never thought they would... Not because they are uncapable of doing it but because you thought that was not their personality. (and if they are drunk, its worse)

 

well.... thanks fo sharing your experience with us. Now I know that I should not be alone with a girl in a room with her even If I do feel guilty of something....

 

And I'm sorry about what happened I hope you feel better and get over it soon! 8)

[hecka_bekah]

No matter the church, there will always be those who are "Christians" and who are Christians. These were the only people around my age who hung out around town. The few other people are of at school. Yeah, I learned a lot from just this experience. I know not to tell secrets to those who are friends with the people the secrets are about. I've learned that no matter how good of a person you are, hanging out with people who are bad influences will change you for the worse. I thought that I could be a good example, but the fact is I'm so young that I'm not that strong and I can't really control my feelings. So why even put myself in that situation? I know now not to put myself in that situation again.

 

Lately, after this experience and also breaking up with my boyfriend (who doesn't want to talk to me again), I've realize how difficult it is to find a true friend. It's the times when you need people the most when many aren't there for you. And sometimes even your true friends aren't there just because they can't (gone away, etc). However, God is always there!

 

I look back at the mistakes I made and I feel disgusted with myself at times. I think about how I can become if I only hang around people who don't really care about my well being. But I take this time to really turn things around in my life. I'm still young so I have much room for change, good change. And though I still will be there for anyone who's wronged me, I don't need to hurt myself in order to give to others....

 

Thanks for the advice and encouraging words

[Sexychiick16]

i agree with u 100%..something similar happened to me like that. Us girls are weak when it comes to cute , smooth talking fellas...Im not sayin all of them are the same, but a majority of them are.

 

As for the church thing...He oviously is one of the wolves who "dress in sheep clothing"..pretty much playing church..If i were u ide stay far way from these people and start worryin about urself and caring about ur self."In order to love others u first much love urself"..

 

Guys are great and all but some just dont know the word no and some just dont care. u just gotta look out for urself and take care hun...

I know where ur at girl..

 

sends tons of Love

[hecka_bekah]

Thanks sexychiick16! It's nice to know that you understand the situation I'm in. The odd thing about it was that I wasn't attracted to him. I didn't see him in that way and so that's why I was shocked that he would make such a move. The fact is that he had a way with his words and his touch which made me feel at ease and very comfortable with his massage. One thing led to another and I just feel so used and taken advantage of. I allowed it to happen but at the same time I felt like I didn't give him permission. Weird I know, but a scary position to be in and I never want to be in that same kind of position again!

 

I get sick even thinking about it. How did I allow this to happen?! And on top of that, my "friends" didn't take it seriously. Not even the one who promised he wouldn't say anything. His reaction to what I said was disappointing itself. And if I were to tell my "friends" the feelings I felt about it then it would have been ugly. I'd rather just not deal with seeing these people at all let alone feel comfortable expressing my true thoughts.

 

I wish so much I could forget what happen, but unfortunately it will stay in my memory.....but I will definitely learn from this.

[joe45]

what were his exact sly cool words he said to you to get u to accept a massage?

what kind of massage was it lying on ur back or what

 

most guys if htey ask u to come over to his place its for some fun

[hecka_bekah]

Perhaps knowing more information would help you make sense of it, but I'd rather not say details since it is personal. All I will say is that he had a girlfriend who he had broken up with at the time, but they were still acting like they were together (hanging out all the time, etc). Plus, I thought it would be a good idea to have him meet my friend since I thought they might be interested. So I didn't think at all that he was attracted to me in that way. His parents are respectable members in the church and also he knew that in the past I liked his good friend (the guy who invited me to his house). Yeah I was naive....all of those things I listed didn't bother him at all.

 

I was still a little emotional about getting over my guy friend, bummed about this one guy who I had recently given my number to and never called me (who I thought I might have had a conntection with), and I was confused about my feelings towards this one guy I had been hanging out with who liked me. Later on I started to really like him, but it didn't work out because he was extremely busy (he's an EMT and started going back to school) and we lived an hour away from each other.

 

BTW-Don't think all this drama happens all the time! Quite the contrary, it was just one crazy summer!

 

But anyway, my "friend" (the one who massaged me) knew about this and was acting buddy buddy to try and make me comfortable around him. He bought me some dinner and he asked, in an innocent way, if I wanted a massage. Again, I don't want to go into details but I didn't see his face, only felt his touch, which was very relaxing. Not thinking about who I was with as much as just feeling very much at ease. Okay, I don't want to think about it anymore...lol. But by far it was a mistake and I've learned not to trust guys so easily. Of course you probably read it and think "I can't believe she didn't see it coming", but when you're thinking about other things going on in your life sometimes you don't see it coming. And when it happens, the scary thing is that it's friend the people you'd least expect. I hoenstly don't know why I let it happen, and I'm hard on myself about it. But I can honestly tell you that I felt very used and continue to be distraught about it. Also, he said "don't tell anyone." Yeah I wonder what he didn't want me to say anything. Well anyways, I should stop talking about what happened. I just wanted those who are naive to know how easy it is to be hurt when being too trusting of others.

[Sexychiick16]

One thing that you really shouldn't be doing is putting yourself into situations that you are not able to get out of. Questioning your every move that happened that day isn't going to do your concience any better. Asking yourself why is really just going to hurt you worse...

 

I know what you need to do, and i think you know too..

 

Address that guy who thought he was so clever to get a peiece of you...And let him know that ...That is never going to happened again and that you feel violated and whatever else is on your chest at the moment.

 

I know this sounds very hard to do and it sounds so worthless, but it'll make you feel tons better and him feel like the slime that he is!

 

I hope all is well hun

 

Pm me anytime