6 Months no contact, suddenly thinking of Ex.

[JackJackxD]

Long story short, I was dumped 9 months ago out of a 2.5 years relationship by my Ex-GF. We tried to be friends for the first 3 months, but it didn't work out because I still had feelings for her. I asked for a final chance, but was rejected. Then I started no contact, which has been around 6 months now.

 

During the first few weeks of these months it was a really hard time, but I got used to not having her in my life. I started thinking of her less and less, and eventually got on with life. I've improved myself in various ways, and addressed my issues and mistakes during the relationship. I invested a lot more time than I usually would on my studies, which worked wonders in stopping me thinking about her.

 

I am near the end of my second academic year in University now, with only 2 more exams to go. Suddenly, I start thinking about her more and more. I miss her so much, and I can't concentrate on my revision. I made a promise to myself, that I would not contact her until at least I finish off my studies since that is my priority now. Now I contemplate contacting her after the exams, and started thinking of all the possible reactions from her.

 

I am not asking for whether I should contact her, because that is an issue that I don't want to have to deal with right now. It just messes up my head even more. I want to know, whether this is a healthy and normal thing for a person in NC to experience. I mean, if I miss her so badly now, does that mean that my 6 months of going NC to move on was wasted? Also, how can I get her out of my mind now since I need my brain to soak up the entire syllabus rather than drifting off to dreamland where me and her are happily back together.

[Clinton]

You haven't closed the door and still have hope so it's retarding your healing. So yes it's normal.

 

Even if you'd totally closed the door, it's normal to miss them once in a while.

 

If it was me, I'd put all thoughts of contacting her out of my mind permanently, accept that it isn't meant to be and try and regroup.

 

And the time in nc isn't wasted, it's given you some peace.

[blanco]

Healing is not linear. It sounds like you're doing what you need to in order to heal and move on, so don't beat up yourself there.

 

When you say you wouldn't contact her until you were finished with your studies, do you just mean this academic year? If so, maybe that has something to do with it. You set a goal, but but doing so, you may have subconsciously been thinking this whole time that there would be a specific point where you would reach out to her again.

 

I'm in NC and originally told myself to make it through the summer. I've been reconsidering that because I feel like if I set out with an endpoint to NC already in place, I'll feel inclined to reach out when that time comes, whether I'm ready or not. Instead, I'm thinking of taking it until the end of summer, then re-evaluating where I'm at with everything. Honestly, I could see myself still not being totally comfortable with her being with the new guy at that point, so when the time comes, I may just opt to continue on with NC.

[keyofbalance]

Sorry to hear that things did not work out. I do think it is normal for someone who has had NC to feel this way at times, but I do not think it is good for you to fixate on it. This may not be what you want to be advised, but here goes...if she left you and refused to take you back after you offered, the lady is likely no longer interested for one reason or another. You have devoted time, money, and effort towards pursuing a degree...you should finish what you have started for yourself. You deserve better. There is a good possibility that if you reach out to her again, she will reject that contact, she may already be involved with someone else. You should open yourself up to possibilities with a new woman, the pain will fade if you do.

[Creacion]

Breathe!

 

Isn't it interesting how unresolved emotional interactions of years old interrupt us when we need to concentrate on things in front of us?

 

Take a break, go for a run. Exercise. Get the brain focussed on the exercise and focussed on your breathing. Then focus on the study. It's important.

 

I had a similar thing.. But the opposite. It dawned on me that I liked a guy that I wouldn't date nor find compatible long term. I did allowed the self psychoanalysis.. It was calming. Basically, it didn't matter if he liked me or not, but that I recognised that I actually did like him even if I never see him again.. I was okay with that. The moment, I felt calming, I went straight into study. But it's timing. If you're too close and under prepped for an exam, force yourself to review it after. That you acknowledge it was an issue, but this exam.. You, your life is worth it and more important than a moment of long ago that triggered from the stress of the exam. Use all your energy, time, to hold onto yourself, focus, self soothe and self love.. Bring your attention to the fore.. Relax.. (You know full well, the other matter can wait.)

 

Good luck with your exams and your future!

[BrokenPetal]

im going to go with a different tact.... send her a small non questioning message... somthing light that plays on an inside joke.. or somthing that reminds you of her... and see where it takes you. there has been enough time passed to not have resentment. you never know if you dont take risks. but be prepared for a knock back.... think the worst first!

[mhowe]

im going to go with a different tact.... send her a small non questioning message... somthing light that plays on an inside joke.. or somthing that reminds you of her... and see where it takes you. there has been enough time passed to not have resentment. you never know if you dont take risks. but be prepared for a knock back.... think the worst first!

 

Really not.good advice. The question of trying again was asked and answered 6 months ago after 3 months of hanging out as friends. And since OP still has hope...it will ONLY start him at square one to hear "I told you 'no" six months ago and I haven't changed my mind".

 

Because if she had....she would have been in touch.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

You are missing her because your mind is still trying to accept that it is over and no longer what it was. Do not put a time limit on no contact because tine limits give false hope. If she hasn't contacted you, she isn't interested enough in you to stay in touch. That is an indication to you that you still cannot recover this relationship and will only prolong your ability to accept this situation.

 

I know you don't want to hear that you need to find someone better, but is this misery worth repeating? Do you really want to live life trying to work through a mud pit of trying to make a failed relationship work again? Whether you realize it or not, being single is much more fun than being with someone you have a lack luster connection with.

[Doofus]

First, this is certainly natural. You used your schoolwork to distract you from the pain of the final break; now that school is drawing to a close, of course you're thinking about her more. So don't worry that this is weird or extraordinary. I think it would be weird if you weren't starting to think about her more.

 

Is this a girl you were classmates with in hs? Are you likely to see her this summer? If so, it's even more to be expected that you would be thinking about her. If you are likely to see her, you need to think about how you want to handle that (but only once you are done with your exams!!).

 

I know it's hard to hear, but the chances of you two getting back together for anything more than what is only a summer booty call for her are very very small. Women your age go in 2-3 year cycles with relationships (just look here at all the guys who get dumped after exactly that period). It's biological: There's really nothing you can do about it, but, in that, there's some freedom. You couldn't have done anything before to save the relationship and, it's likely, there's nothing you actually did to 'blow it'. So, if you're thinking anything like that, stop.

 

Good luck on your exams, and once you grieve for a few weeks after school gets out, my advice to get back out there and date! They say the best way to get over a woman is to get under another one. They, in this case, are right!

[BrokenPetal]

See I don't know why everyone is so negative on this forum.. The constant cut everyone out your life who hurt you message is very extreme.

I don't think the orginal poster should hold out hope of a reunion but sometimes in order to clear the constant what if question you need to take risks.

Maybe the he will get no answer. . Maybe they will become great friends.. maybe he will realise she isn't the girl he loved and it was all a fantasy in his head. ... why not just take a chance if you feel strong enough to cope with the worst reaction. You may just gain the best!

[mhowe]

See I don't know why everyone is so negative on this forum.. The constant cut everyone out your life who hurt you message is very extreme.

I don't think the orginal poster should hold out hope of a reunion but sometimes in order to clear the constant what if question you need to take risks.

Maybe the he will get no answer. . Maybe they will become great friends.. maybe he will realise she isn't the girl he loved and it was all a fantasy in his head. ... why not just take a chance if you feel strong enough to cope with the worst reaction. You may just gain the best!

 

You bang your head against a brick wall for 3 months.

You stop...and the hurting stops.

 

Do you need to really need to bang it again to realize it is going to hurt again?

 

If his ex had ANY second thoughts, she would have called him.

[Doofus]

 

If his ex had ANY second thoughts, she would have called him.

 

While I agree that the OP's chances are slim, this ^ is patently untrue . Of COURSE dumpers sometimes have second thoughts, and they do so, even when if they don't reach out. We do posters here a grave disservice by lying to them, treating them like children or like morons. Everybody knows people who got dumped and got back together with the people who dumped them - there's a ridiculously long thread here consisting of stories about exactly that. And people who post here know this. They KNOW this. Telling them they have no chance, or, no reason to hope is contrary to the facts. It undercuts the influence we who reply in this way, might have. And what's more? The truth is that it is hardly ever the case that anyone proffering advice on here has enough information to be sure that that advice is sound. It would be more effective if we acknowledged that, too.

 

OP: You never know what will happen, but, until she reaches out to you, or, until you reach out and get a favorable response, you two are not together, and, based on what you've told us, there's no good evidence that you will be. Also, reaching out to her is likely to make you less attractive to her. You should probably view reaching out to her as if it were the entirety of a nuclear arsenal. Regardless, though, don't wait around for you and her to get back together. While it might happen, you're passing up a lot of potential fun and friends and, frankly, sex. You're young. Take advantage of that while you can.

[BrokenPetal]

In addition... I am evidence of that.. I was dumped.. I tried on numerous occasions to get my ex back.. I gave up. 2 years later I reached out... and over a slow process of being friends I got him back! Then I realised I didn't want him any more.

It's the op choice and while I agree he should move on I think you should live by regrets of what done than not done. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Why not answe the questions in your head. It's not like he needs to go head strong let's get back together.

There are so many grey areas in life.