Wiseguy90 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 A few days ago I was out with a friend having a drink. While there, an ex girlfriend walked in with a couple of people. I was in a considerable relationship with this woman (7 years, lived together, been through lots, ended because we grew apart). The relationship ended approximately 2 years ago. We have both dated others, and if im not mistaken, she is currently with someone. We have had basically no contact since our split, except for a birthday greetings or random encounters if we see each other out. I will admit, it took a while to move forward, yet have never completely lost my feelings for her. Our interaciton that evening was different. We talked about how things had been going and provided updates on our lives. Strangely, she had considerable information about my life and appeared to be fishing for information (current relationship info). She also detailed a dream to me she claimed to have had the night prior in which I attempted to reconcile with her and she expressed an element of openness to it. We chatted for a good hour.Throughout the evening she moved progressively closer to me. Prior to leaving i said good-bye to her companions, wished them well, and proceeded to say goodbye to my ex. At that time she hugged me and we said it was nice to see each other again. We kept our arms around each other at that time and left them there for a few moments. I didnt think much of it until my friend and I discussed the evening following our departure. Since then, I find myself questioning what to do. I have always maintained a level of love for this woman. I have gotten past the relationship ending, progressed to live my own life, and have been content doing so. I have accepted both of us had flaws in the relationship. Mine being a failure to committ at such a young age (28) and wanting to sow my seed. I am cynical when it comes to reconciliation and I feel as though I should leave her alone. Upon considerable reflection I have come to a stalemate. I have had no contact with her since. My dilemma being do I reach out and attempt to see what is there or just leave it be and chalk up our previous encounter to being two friendly adults? Advice is much appreciated! Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 just leave it be and chalk up our previous encounter to being two friendly adults? My vote. Seven years together --- and you wanting to sow your wild oats, would not have left a great taste in her mouth. She was curious and nostaligic. I have met up with ex's from many moons back and done the same thing. You can't have spent that amount of time together and not have a "run in" bring up the great memories (and conveniently forget the break up). Link to comment
jimthzz Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Ex is ex is ex is ex. The reasons why are unchanged. Link to comment
Baily Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It would probably be fun for a little while...eventually the same "issues" would appear...but if you are just looking for some fun I say 'Go for it!' It's nice to have a fling and ride it for what it's worth. I know we are supposed to chase the long term relationship, but there is nothing wrong with having some fun going into a day to day relationship. I'd say put the past baggage you guys had in the past and just have some fun together. If you guys can talk for an hour and have fun that's one heck of a sign that you guys have some cool connections...ride em out. Link to comment
fruju Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 At lot can change in 2 years, so I'm not as pessimistic as others. I say if you are interested, then invite her out to dinner and see where it goes. I've known of people to get back together after years of separation and for whatever reason it works now. Sometimes two people need to go off and figure some things out before they can fully appreciate building a meaningful relationship with someone. You must have a good idea about what didn't work in the relationship before and some time to reflect on that, so you are at an advantage there to address these going in. Link to comment
Wiseguy90 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 At lot can change in 2 years, so I'm not as pessimistic as others. I say if you are interested, then invite her out to dinner and see where it goes. I've known of people to get back together after years of separation and for whatever reason it works now. Sometimes two people need to go off and figure some things out before they can fully appreciate building a meaningful relationship with someone. You must have a good idea about what didn't work in the relationship before and some time to reflect on that, so you are at an advantage there to address these going in. I spent significant time evaluating my role in the relationship and how things played out. I've realized I wasn't prepared to move forward at that time, whereas she was. There has never been a question about the emotions involved. Today I am in a different place in life, which is the result of personal evolution and the assistance of a unbiased professional; i truly believe I am ready to make progress in being within a relationship with somone. Things do change over the course of time, particularly people and their goals/outlooks. Appreciate your response. Link to comment
Baily Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Ease into it....go on some, what I call 'meetings' first. Meet her at the bar a few times...and let it start and end there... then take her out for goofy golf or something fun/silly where you can both participate in an activity....don't do dinner or any meal yet. IF all goes well THEN go for dinner. Dinner always signals 'we are taking a step' ...I don't know why, but it does. Note there's nothing wrong with hooking up during the 'meetings' You also sound like you are wanting a long term relationship....my advice is don't. If it comes it comes...but if you force it or you are in high desire of finding 'the one' there isn't a chance in hell it's going to happen. You can ruin the perfect thing by force feeding it. She is probably dated quite a few guys and now sees that you ARE a good catch. EASE into things not trying to sound mean, but take it real slow...don't text her a ton. Once an hour max....let her chase you. If you look desperate and act desperate...yea you know... I liken it to going out to the bar trying to get laid...notice that it never happens...but the times you are just having fun with your friends and not expecting it...it happens. Why? The ladies saw you having fun and wanted to be a part of it. You didn't look like the horn dog staring at every piece of meat in the place... Link to comment
ballerinababe Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 If she already has a boyfriend now, it's a moot point, isn't it? Maybe you should find out if she has a boyfriend first. If she is single, then reach out and invite her to meet up in a casual setting. Link to comment
Wiseguy90 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Great point. I've been guilty of forcing things before. It never works. Your last paragraph is even more true. That's where I meet most women and it's an awful place to try and makes things happen. Link to comment
Wiseguy90 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 If she already has a boyfriend now, it's a moot point, isn't it? Maybe you should find out if she has a boyfriend first. If she is single, then reach out and invite her to meet up in a casual setting. It was confirmed through a friend that she is in a relationship. Answers all questions Link to comment
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