Just need someone to listen

[mindless14]

I wish I had someone I trusted enough and was comfortable enough to talk to about this, but I don't. So here I am. I think I just need it to be heard, need to say it to someone, anyone, even if it's strangers on the internet.

I miss my dad. Like crazy today. It's been 4 and a half years since he passed away. I was 20 wen he died. My oldest son was a baby, he never got the chance to meet my youngest son. That's killing me right now. I don't know what's making it come about today, but it's seeming so surreal. Like even 4 years later I refuse to believe he's gone and want to just pick up the phone and call him. I didn't realize how much I took him for granted, and all I want right now is to tell him everything that made him the perfect dad, how much I love him and how much of him I see in myself, and how grateful I am for that. I never saw it when he was here, but he was the only person I've ever known who truly just wanted me to be happy, no matter what that meant. He supported me in every way, and always had a way to make me see that no matter what, I'll get through anything. And now, to get trough this, I need to hear him say, "you're a good kid. You'll figure it out. You'll be ok. I'll always be here for you." And I can't ever hear him say that again. I literally cannot believe it some days, and today's one of those days that I just can't get my head around the fact that he's Gone. almost 5 years later. I can't find any words to describe what I'm feeling other than to say that I need my dad.

[Capricorn3]

I'm so sorry for your loss and how you are hurting right now. Not much I can do/say which can make things better, but all I can say is that I know the feeling and can relate - sometimes it's still so surreal knowing we will never see our loved one again.

 

Be kind to yourself. ~Hugs~

[mhowe]

Talk to him...out loud or in your mind.

 

My mum died 2.5 years ago, and I talk to her most days then not. I believe they are still with us, guiding us. I talk to her about what is happening in my life, what is going right...what I need help with. I don't believe that death severs our connections with those we love. They are always in our hearts, and their guidance in life lives on.

 

I am sure he knew how much you loved and admired him. And I am sure you see parts of him in your child.

[Xylitol]

Then instead of dying for your father , how about you start living for him? Just imagine you had died instead of your father, would you have enjoyed it if he would be grieving and living in misery over the death of his daughter for many years to come? Of course not, you would want him to be happy and live his life to the outmost. You don't need your father to come and say "you're a good kid. You'll figure it out , you'll get through this. Because you know dam well in your heart that he would say these things regardless of what you are going through. Because you would dam well say these things to him as well if it was the other way around. You have your son, you have your own life to live, and you have a father that you want to make proud of you by being the happy person that he wanted you to be. And let it be known that even now your father would want these things for you, and even here on Enotalone we agree with your father by saying: you're a good kid. You'll figure it out. You'll be ok. And we'll always be here for you if you need us. . . Because after all, just like your father wanted you to be happy, we also want you to be happy. 8)

[LunaLee]

Very sorry for your loss. A friend of mine was very close to her dad and he's been gone over 10 yrs and she still struggles with it. You just have to appreciate the time and memories you did share with him, and believe that he is still watching over you (and your family) in some way. Although I am not religious, I believe that true love has no barriers - not even death. Your dad is clearly in your heart and always will be, so I am sure he is aware of that and is proud of you. As long as he is in your heart and mind, he will always be with you.