8 months on

[hopefulandhurt]

Hello everyone,

I was first brought to this site back in September when my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me. We were together from 15-23 and I was pretty confident we would be getting engaged within the next year or two. He broke up with me seemingly out of the blue. We hadn't been fighting, still great chemistry, always had fun together, families were supportive, etc. I was shocked. His reasoning was that he couldn't ever imagine only being with one girl for his entire life and we hadn't lived enough and needed to date other people. I truly felt that no one in the world had experienced heartbreak like I did, I was a complete mess.

 

I tried to go nc right away but I slipped up way too many times. I couldn't cut him out. Three months post breakup I found out he got into a relationship with his coworker. They are still together now and have been for 5 months. I was crushed when I found out but it gave me the push I needed to really stick to nc. I was convinced my ex would come back. I mean we had so much history and I know shared. Deep, true love and I was confident this was a phase for him. We'll, 8 months later and I was wrong. I wasted so many valuable time reading guides on how to get your ex back and I looked for any successful reconciliation stories I could find. I held onto false hope for way too long and it delayed my healing tremendously. Giving up hope was like starting the breakup all over again. If I could do it all again I would've done my best to accept it was over from day1.

 

For my healing, it took an active effort for me to move on. I worked out a ton, threw myself into my studies (I'm a grad student), started new tv shows, read books, let myself cry when I needed to, and forced myself to go out and take a walk when I started to dwell in my own sadness. I treated myself to manicures and massages, bought myself small presents, changed my hairstyle and did whatever I could to make myself better. I leaned on my friends and family a lot for support. My girlfriends were amazing. They let me obsess and over analyze when I needed to but always planned fun activities to distract me and give me something to look forward to when I wanted to think of other things. I always knew I had great friends but this breakup strengthened my relationships with virtually all of them.

 

I didn't feel ready to date for a while. Friends would try to set me up or tell me to go out on dates but it just didn't feel right to me yet. About 6 weeks ago I finally gave in and promised I would give online dating a shot and just go on one date. To my absolute shock, I met the most unbelievable guy. I don't usually believe in love at first sight or anything but I felt an instant chemistry, so natural, and so at ease with this guy. He's exactly the kind of guy I would want to date. The best part was that it was so mutual. For so long I pined over someone who chose someone else over me and as I started spending time with someone who out me first it felt amazing. This new relationship I'm in is so new and fresh but feels so right. Even if it doesn't work out it has shown me that I can have feelings for other guys besides my ex. For now I just can't believe how lucky I have gotten. He treats me amazing.

 

I don't have resentment for my ex. He was a wonderful boyfriend and was very respectful to me during the breakup. He never ignored me when I was sad and broke nc. I'm happy he's happy and I'm happy that finally 8 months later I'm happy too. My ex and I don't speak anymore. There was too much past history and residual feelings and too much hurt for us to speak now. No one knows what the future holds, we need to let things unfold naturally.

 

I just wanted to tell you all that it gets so much better. But you need to decide to heal and move on. Never decline an invitation. Go out and have fun. Do things for you. Everything works out how it's supposed to. Don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes along the way. Whatever is meant to be will be and you will get there - to a point where you can fully accept the breakup heal and move on. To everyone I. The early stages, hang in there!

[chino106]

Thank you for sharing. I can relate to just about every part of your story. Today would be 3 monthes since my breakup, same situation as you basically but our relationship was not nearly as long as yours. I did just about everything you did trying to heal. Things have been getting better i lost hope of reconcilation when i found out shes out there exploring and got with another guy. i still think about her constantly but not as bad as before where id lay in bed all day thinking. i honestly think this girl willl always have a place in my heart no matter what. Its true that you wont truly heal and move on until you have met someone new. Im happy that youve found someone. Your story definitely brighten up my day. Thank you

[ParisPaulette]

Thank you so much for sharing this. It means a ton to post things like this, so others going through the beginning of a breakup can see that yes, life does indeed get better. And I'm happy you're doing well now. Keep going, you're young and your life is all ahead of you and who knows what tomorrow will be. And having survived and flourished in the face of that first breakup you now know you are essentially able to bounce back and keep moving forward.

 

I've done exactly what you did several times and it helps, each time growing stronger and more sure of what I did want instead of what I didn't. And gaining a pretty nice life overall out of the deal. You're handling things very well and doing very well. Here's to a wonderful life for you.

[meozorchild]

hopefulandhurt, thanks for sharing. I want to point out that according to the first half of your post, you still seem to be hurting over that latest breakup. Therefore, I'd advise to take it very, very, very slowly with the new man so that you can make sure your feelings are in check along the way, and that you don't end up hurting him or yourself any further in the process. Best of luck to you.