chino106

i was stupid for going over to try and catch a glimpse of you, to prove that I was okay. But obviously you and your friend trying to hide from me. Thats okay, i get the hint, Im not gonna be the one holding people back so i'll remove myself. I hope I can be my myself again soon. I hate feeling like this. I wish I can hate you and forget you. Even knowing what you have done already and the things you said, all i can think about is damn i love this girl. This sucks I hope one day i can be happy again without you. I really do.

I have been lurking and reading every single page from this thread. Finally decided to make an account. When i first started reading i realize this thread was giving me false hope. The more i read the more i realize i shouldnt be reading for hope. I should be reading it to better myself and learn from other peoples mistakes. I wanted to post my story Me and my first love were together in a LDR for a yr n half. She broke up with me about 2 monthes ago, 10 days after vday on the phone. When we were together we made 2 agreements, 1 was to break up before we cheat, 2 was to do a face to face break up. She said we are too different to be together and she didnt see a future. She wanted to be single and focus on herself. I called her the next day after a long night of sleepless pondering and pour my heart out and accepted the break up. I agreed that our relationship was not healthy and i thought of breaking up before too but i couldnt because i loved and cared for her too much.. She said i am truly a good man, i will always have a special place in her heart. (We were each others first). 3 days later loneiness and regrets hit me like a hurricane. I thought about all the fights we had and the times i couldnt compromise with her and had to get my way. I basically blamed myself for everything. I told her i want to work for another chance. She said she doesnt want a relationship right now and wont see me because it wouldnt be good for her. 3 weeks of contact, i would send her a package every week filled with treats and cute things she loves,plead,beg, and told her ive changed, all the things i shouldnt have done. Then she suggested that we shouldnt talk as much because it was hard on her and its giving me false hope. I respected her n tried LC for two weeks but it didnt help, she refused to talk anything about relationships so i end up doing the same thing in contact minus the regular talk we would usualy have when stayed in contact. Things were also bad for me outside of my relationship. Both my grandparents got sick and had to go to the ER 2 weeks apart. I was doing horrible in classes. I couldnt sleep at night thinking about her. I lost 15 ppunds in less than 2 monthes. I started drinking to sleep (i dont drink before this). Then i found this thread and decided to really do NC. Its been 3 weeks now and im getting weak because i looked at stuff i shouldnt have. I found out she has been talking to this guy she knew since middle school whose had a crush on her for awhile, even before we met. They talked before i met her, but nothing happened because he messed up. So now shes talking to him and she also slept with him probably a week after i started NC and a month after we broke up. This guys wants a relationship but she doesnt. She told him they can continue this but she does not want a label because she cannot do a relationship for awhile. It just killls me that she can just get into fwb so easily and she refuses to see me. Part of me wants to break NC and seek to meet up again. But i know this would not be the right thing to do. So im trying my hardest to stick out the NC because nothing i can do is gonnna change what she wants to do. I still love her and would love a chance to prove to her that i have changed and bettered myself. I know NC is for you to forget and move on. Idk if i can do that. Shes graduating college in a month. I always placed my hope that in the summer i can make something work. Hopefully someday i can come back and finish my reconciliation.