Heartbrok3n445 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 Oh yes 100% being ignored has made it easier Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 Oh yes 100% being ignored has made it easier for me to stick to NC due to the fear of being ignored again. It's still hard, I'm having urges to text but I know I won't be. I wish our break up was more respectful, I don't understand why he is acting the way he is. HE wanted this, not me, so really shouldn't he be the mature one and I be the one talking crap? Now I know the things I do I just have so many more questions! From a guys/dumpers perspective... and from my story... has it even been long enough for him to process me not being in his life anymore? Link to comment
rich46 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 From a guys/dumpers perspective... and from my story... has it even been long enough for him to process me not being in his life anymore? Definitely not. You are effectively still in his life after all. Given the recent contact, which I am not blaming you for as we have all been there, he knows that you are still struggling and he feels (rightly/wrongly) that you are still there if/when he wants you back. I have read that it takes at least a couple of months for a dumper to potentially feel their emptiness of what life will be like without you. Clearly this is a generalisation, but I think it sounds about right, but only if there is absolutely zero contact whatsoever. Any slight contact, whether it be a quick text here or there, still friends on facebook, speaking to mutual friends about eachother, etc will dilute this process and consequently the likelihood of the dumper experiencing their emptiness will decrease. Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 A friend of ours made a comment saying that my ex seems happy to be at the place he's living now. That just killed me a little. I told him we dont need to talk about that stuff. I struggle to realise how he can so easily not have me in his life even though as you said, it's still like I am because of the contact I made earlier in the week. Would that even count to him though since he didnt reply? Link to comment
rich46 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 A friend of ours made a comment saying that my ex seems happy to be at the place he's living now. That just killed me a little. I told him we dont need to talk about that stuff. I struggle to realise how he can so easily not have me in his life even though as you said, it's still like I am because of the contact I made earlier in the week. Would that even count to him though since he didnt reply? Definitely counts. Rather than looking at that specific instance of attempted contact, look at it in more general terms. He knows the effect that this break up is having on you, not to mention that you have got back together before after a break up, so there is no urgency for him to come back to you. Like I said before, only after a couple of months plus might the realisation sink in, so quite a long way from that happening at this minute in time. Do you have a lot of mutual friends? I think this makes it more of a challenge to move on and become mysterious to a dumper. In my case, as my relationship was semi-long distance, we have no mutual friends so I have been able to cut my ex out of my life completely (although she beat me to that, I suppose haha). Might be worth distancing yourself from those mutual friends if at all possible while you recover for a month or two. Failing that, then yeah, definitely make it clear that you don't want to know anything about your ex for the foreseeable future as it will set you back each time. Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 We have a few mutual friends but I have been distancing myself to avoid any news or comments being said. Because we have been through this before (and the things he is doing is very similiar to last time) and he fact I have shown how I feel and he knows how I feel, etc, do you think he assumes he can just come back if he wants to? Because sometimes I feel he thinks he can just be single for a while then he thinks when he needs to get his life together again he assumes he can just get me back. Link to comment
rich46 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 We have a few mutual friends but I have been distancing myself to avoid any news or comments being said. Because we have been through this before (and the things he is doing is very similiar to last time) and he fact I have shown how I feel and he knows how I feel, etc, do you think he assumes he can just come back if he wants to? Because sometimes I feel he thinks he can just be single for a while then he thinks when he needs to get his life together again he assumes he can just get me back. Yeah, I think so. The phrase "taking you for granted" springs to mind. The key is now to not let that happen again. Move forward in your life, be strictly no contact, work on yourself, and try to get to that point where 2 or 3 months have passed and you are feeling like even if he did reappear, you wouldn't want to go back. It won't be an easy ride, and there will be bumps along the way, but deep down do you want someone who takes you for granted and verbally abuses you like he has done post-break up? Not to mention his drug issues. Bottom line: think about yourself from now on. Link to comment
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