Broke NC less than a day later...

[Heartbrok3n445]

I feel like posting helps me a lot. I've been one to type things out if I'm going through a bad time so it's nice to be able to do that and have support of others who are going through or have gone through the same or similiar things.

 

Yesterday I posted about if NC would work to help get my ex back (of corse I am trying to NOT have that mindset). Well.. I was doing well today (I wanted to text him of corse but didnt) until I get a text from him in the late afternoon basically having a go at me for texting/calling too much. I did apologise as I said he had given me hope when it wasnt true so I was just angry (I have a tendency to basically text out my entire thoughts without thinking). I was annoyed that he decided to text me that almost an entire day AFTER the texts had even happened.

 

I cracked and ended up saying I wasnt going to talk to him again... to then texting him asking if everything he said was true blah blah and some other questions and that I needed to know and he just writes back 'yes they are true'. I then asked if he could answer the others and that I feel he is moving on quickly and does he still believe we may get back together jn the future blah blah and then I just get a reply saying 'Im not moving on so stop freaking out' and then I sent other texts asking again to answer my questions blah blah then I eventually sent one saying its obvious he doesnt care and to not talk to me again unless he realises he's made a mistake.

 

I know I'm pathetic... I'm just so wanting him back right now even though in reality, if we got back together NOW it wouldnt work because I just think we would have the same issues and I wouldnt believe anything he says and assume he'll leave again etc. I know we need time apart now if we were ever to work but I'm just scared he'll move on quicker if he doesnt hear from me.

 

I need to stick to NC though and I wont be contacting him again. I'm just hurt that its only been a few days and he's already adding girls on facebook and probably talking to them as well. How can it be so easy to just do that after all the time we were together

 

You know what helps though? Crying. I cry hard and sometimes hysterically but then I feel okay for a while.

 

I feel like I'm rambling but it helps me to vent and share.

 

I hope everyones coping better today.

 

xxxx

[mhowe]

I think you have proven to yourself that your CONSTANT contact has driven him further away. Hearing from you is driving him INSANE.

 

I don't know what it will take for you to stop.

[sailsup555]

supposedly it takes 30 days to break a habit so just act like its a really bad habit. The fact that he still replies and seems to somewhat want to argue means he isnt over it and hes working on dealing with his emotions as well so i think for the time being its best for both and any potentional future relationship because you'll just end up arguing. After 30 days your emotions are less of a roller coaster and you can think logically instead of just based on your emotions. ive broken nc a million times and it really just did drive him further away. Try to make him miss you and see what his life will have to be like without you in it

[Heartbrok3n445]

I am stopping. I know contacting him is not doing anything for me. Trust me I feel like an idiot. I just wish he would tell me straight 'there is no chance'.

 

Honestly, I wouldnt have text him today at all if he didnt first. I will be sticking to it now because I do know its not helping.

 

It's just been a really tough few days and going from talking all the time to this has been difficult.

 

Do you think I've ruined it for good?

[Ms Darcy]

YOU don't need to communicate everything you feel to him. Doing that not only makes you seem needy and clingy, it kills attraction. For your own sake, I would advise you to commit yourself to no contact and learning how to be a more secure person.

 

If not, you will continue to drive him and other potential men away.

[mhowe]

Then tell yourself ---- THERE IS NO CHANCE IF YOU CONTACT HIM ONE MORE TIME.

 

Part of NC is not responding to contact. And the reason he contacted you....WAS TO TELL YOU TO STOP CONTACTING HIM!!!!!

 

That clearly did not call for any response. It called for action.

[Heartbrok3n445]

Thanks everyone. I feel really embarrased. I'm normally not a needy or clingy person at all. I guess I'm just desperate to stop hurting because I'm struggling a lot. But I do know I'm making it worse.

 

Oh and in that original message he did ask me a question at the end which is why I responded. If he just had a go at me I wouldnt have said anything. (Not that that means I should have replied anyway)

 

I've never felt so lost and numb and weird before. I think because its only been a few days and those little comments he made the first two days gave me hope and I held onto that too much and kind of lost my self control.

[Miss Virgo]

Hey honey,

 

Please believe me when i say this.... HE WILL REACH OUT EVENTUALLY! but that may not be to reconcile, but just to simply apologise. Either way, you need to be sure you are in a good place (emotionally) to process things when it does happen. You do not want him thinking he is walking back to an emotionally volatile person. My ex ended things with me four times and each time he colder and more horrid towards me. Almost like he never cared. But EVERY time he left me, he eventually came back. And I promise you, I never contacted him during our splits!

 

As for crying - dont hold anything in. Cry, scream, vent and talk as much as you need to. It's healthy and makes you human. Your feelings are pure.

 

Hope you get yourself in to a better and stronger place soon....

 

xx

[pavlo81]

I think you have proven to yourself that your CONSTANT contact has driven him further away. Hearing from you is driving him INSANE.

 

I don't know what it will take for you to stop.

Know this all too well....take it from me...stop!! He no longer cares for you or your feelings

[Heartbrok3n445]

Yeah, I know. I've pretty much ruined it for myself. Trust me I wish I never contacted him and I really regret it now.

[pavlo81]

Stating the obvious but how e are brewk ups....worst thing is losing ya best friend....yet the dumper never seems too care

[blanco]

I'm guilty of breaking no contact or pushing for more communication when it seems like the ex has moved on and I haven't. It's never resulted in anything positive. Never. At best, my exes tolerated it at first, but then finally put their foot down when it became clear that them hearing me out wasn't leading to any progress.

 

It can be excruciating to feel like you've lost both a romantic partner and your close/best friend. I've felt this loss each time one of my relationships has ended. In a way, I think it shows that I have a habit of minimizing my friendships when I'm with someone. I have some really close guy friends who I would consider my "best" friends. Yet, when I've gone through bad breakups, it's always my ex who I feel like was my "best" friend. I don't know how healthy that is.

 

With my most recent breakup, I definitely felt the loss of a friend more than girlfriend. We had drifted apart and neither of us were satisfied by the relationship anymore. We were more like friends in that we hung out, but had very little intimacy after a while. After we split, we remained in communication because I wanted to not totally disappear from her young children's lives. I felt fine with that arrangement, because she and I still hung out once in a while at her place and would talk, or watch something, get food, etc. That stopped entirely when her current fling came into the picture. It was only then that I really felt the loss of the relationship, because it was then that I finally had to deal with the loss of a close friend.

 

As for contact, go buy a notebook and use it as a journal. I've done this with every ex of mine while I wasn't communicating with them. You get your thoughts out on paper, out of your system, and best of all, don't bother your ex in the least. Remember: There's probably nothing you can say right now to change how things are. Only time may help that.

 

If nothing else, you'll be able to page through this journal in a couple of years and be amused by how awful you once felt about something that might seem unimportant to you now.