Deserving Happiness

[Glamourice]

I often hear of people even on this forum say things like 'you deserve better' 'you're worth it' when someone is hurt and grieving, and 'everyone makes mistakes' is often said when someone does the hurting.

 

What if the people who are hurt have also done shady things in the past or even the present, and aren't really good people themselves? How do we know they deserve better?

 

And, what if someone intentionally hurts, disrespects someone? or absolutely devastates them even if it wasn't malicious? Happens all the time. If everyone deserves to be happy, and we are all offenders in some way, there really aren't any long term consequences to screwing around with peoples feelings are there?

I have a hard time accepting that.

[leseine7]

I think the point is that YES everyone deserves happiness - to be able to reach their highest potential in this life - and the whole 'you deserve better', etc, anthem on this site to each individual is a reminder that it is not about the consequences or outcomes for the 'other.' It is about YOU. Focusing on you, how you can improve and grow for the next relationship. What to do if you are no longer happy or feeling treated well.

 

I find that whenever I am focused on the feelings/ repercussions going to a person I feel hurt by, I lose my power immediately and shrink to a very unhappy place. When I focus instead on how I am today, what is working for me, and what relationships are healthy and fulfilling in my life, I grow and improve right away. Difficult to achieve, yes, but the main goal of that advice flying around.

[mhowe]

If it wasn't malicious, how can it be intentional? If someone breaks up with you and you are hurt..that's fine. But it doesn't make the other person disrespectful.

 

And yes..everyone deserves to follow their own path to happiness.

[Clinton]

No one deserves anything. Life's what you make of it.

 

As far as consequences there can be but there are no garuntees there are. Bad people get away with stuff all the time.

 

Only you are responsible for your happiness. And even trying your hardest with the best of intentions you may not achieve it. Life's a byotch bUT it's the only game in town

[Glamourice]

If it wasn't malicious, how can it be intentional? If someone breaks up with you and you are hurt..that's fine. But it doesn't make the other person disrespectful.

.

 

No no I mean of course there are intentional and malicious ways to hurt someone, but I am also asking about those who hurt and disrespect someone unintentionally because of lack of knowledge, experience, or just not being the relationship type. Two different scenarios.

 

And I'm speaking from the dumper's perspective who was made to feel inadequate.

 

And Clinton I agree with you but I guess I just don't understand why people use the 'deserve' word if that's the case.

[catfeeder]

This nails it, IMO. Everything comes back to the Self.

 

On flights we're told that when the oxygen masks fall, we need to apply our own mask first before helping the next person--otherwise we'll lose the ability to help anyone else. That's clarity. If I get hung up about whether or not I 'deserve' to breathe the oxygen, I'm sunk.

 

So when we see someone flailing around wondering whether or not they deserve the pursuit of happiness, we offer the same clarity.

 

You deserve the right to pursue yours, just as I deserve to pursue mine. This doesn't take away consequences. We each get to pick our methods. There are people in jail who still own the right to pursue any happiness they can eek out of that.

[mhowe]

but I am also asking about those who hurt and disrespect someone unintentionally because of lack of knowledge, experience, or just not being the relationship

 

type.

 

It is my belief that others generally don't "hurt" us. Hurt feelings come from expectations and assumptions about how someone else should act.

And if that other person is immature or inexperienced ----- well, that should be taken into consideration.

 

It appears you are in the role of "victim" here --- someone hurt you (unintentionally) and you are wondering why they deserve to be happy?

[Glamourice]

And if that other person is immature or inexperienced ----- well, that should be taken into consideration.

 

It appears you are in the role of "victim" here --- someone hurt you (unintentionally) and you are wondering why they deserve to be happy?

 

Yes, precisely. Two people actually, an ex as just one example. He wasn't very experienced at dating or life in general and really disrespected me when it came to interactions with other women. Namely, the kind of woman who charges you for their attention. But I'm still trying to include the people who deliberately set out to screw others over as well. They seem to be the least likely to deserve a route to happiness.

[mhowe]

Here's the thing ---- no one gets to decide who "should" or shouldn't get to be happy.

 

Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. And worrying about it is just a waste of energy.

 

And someone who uses hookers is not "inexperienced in dating or life in general".

[Glamourice]

But what if that's all he knows and he's lonely, considers them friends?

[mhowe]

But what if that's all he knows and he's lonely, considers them friends?

 

How is that your problem?

[Glamourice]

Because in an earlier post#7 in this thread you said immaturity and experience should be taken into consideration.

[mhowe]

Considering hookers as your friends isn't immature. It is foolhardy.