Approaching 30 & friendships

[Cherry009]

Hi I am almost 30 & have noticed in the last 3 or so months how my friendships are changing, my old school friends who i always considered my closest friends seem to be getting more and more distant, is this normal as you approach this kind of age? I make an effort to get in touch regularly but I feel like it is always me who is getting in touch and never them first.

 

I have recently got into a relationship in the last 6 months so maybe it has something to do with that? Or maybe I am being sensitive and that when you get a bit older you just naturally drift a little? It has happened with a few friends not just one so can't just be a conicidence.

 

I have a silly imagination and often start to think there is something going on behind my back where they have all started to gossip about me and as a group decide to distance themselves from me, i can't help but think it!

 

Is anyone else going through anything similar?

[concernedfrien]

Hi there, im in my mid-twenties yet I'm already beginning to experience this as well. I guess it all started when we starts to work. I was rather unfamiliar with this kind of phenomenon at first... but I believe... perhaps this is a part and parcel of growing up and something we have to accept. I'm trying to handle with the idea that people will start to drift apart further as we get married and will each have lives of our own. However, it all boils down to the attitude in how we wanna change things as well. For me... I still try my best and put in the same amount of efforts, if not more... In keeping in touch with my close clique. doing all we can is one thing though, as for how the friends react and if they reciprocate the same effort is another thing and is up to individuals. I totally feel you... I myself really dislike the idea of close peeps growing distant as we age. Yet, I feel we can always do something about it... perhaps it's also to see who stays with us till the end... sorry if my opinion sounds disoriented... I truly feel ur concerns and all...

[chickadeedee]

This is really common... are a lot of them married with kids or newlyweds? The 30s are intense 'nesting' and child rearing years for a lot of people and they let their friends lapse during that time focusing on kids, or just keeping friends who are 'easy' to fit into their child centric lifestyle (i.e., next door neighbors with kids, other Mom's who live in the same neighborhood'.

 

And some get into really demanding careers in their 30s where their life is mainly about work.

 

So I wouldn't take it personally. It is interesting too that a lot of people you 'lost' in your 30s may try to re-connect with you in their 40s and beyond when their kids get more independent or they get bored with their career or realize life is about more than work and kids, or they get divorced and now have time to focus on a social life outside the home again.

[Cherry009]

Thanks for your replies, none of them have kids, or are married, some are still even single, but some are in relationships but have been with the same guys for about 6 or 7 years! So i am sure when they have kids they will probably disappear off the face of the earth!

 

It is very sad but i guess all i can do is try to keep up the contact and will see who is a friend until the end. Thank you

[catfeeder]

It is very sad but i guess all i can do is try to keep up the contact and will see who is a friend until the end. Thank you

 

Old historic friends will cycle in and out at various points. These are natural cycles of divergence. If you take them too personally, you'll slam doors shut on the cycle back around.

 

As we mature we solidify certain traits and don't homogenize as easily as we did as kids. We were blank slates then. So gone are the days when our 'best' friends met all of our needs.

 

Tread loosely, and cultivate new and different kinds of friends to meet different needs. Your shopping friend may not be the best conversationalist, your tennis buddy may not be available for much else, and the friend with whom you confide secrets may not like to go out much. The point is, we find one or two common points of convergence and build around that to get different needs met.

 

Head high.

[Khaleesi86]

I experienced this in my EARLY twenties so consider yourself lucky that you got to hold on to girl time for as long as you did,

It's very hard to be CLOSE friends with people who are single when you're in a relationship and vice versa.

Not many people want to be honest about this, but the truth is your lives are DIFFERENT.

The same can be said for those friends with kids.

You can maintain quasi friendships and acquaintance with people who aren't living the exact same life path, but I think that's it.

It's not personal, it's just life.

[Snny]

I lost a couple friends recently. The gap widened after I got married and am slammed with grad school. I find it interesting that I lost contact with nearly ALL my guy friends (who are single, but car fanatics like me) except for one person since I got married. I'm even questioning if they were honestly my true friends.

 

Like any relationship, friendships take maintenance to keep. Unfortunately people lives change drastically at 30 based on education, careers, area relocation, spouses, and kids and friendships are even harder to manage when juggling those.

[RelaxByWater84]

This started in my late teens and early 20's. And it continued to this day. I really don't have any close friends. Still searching though. I think for me it was mainly my friends and I had vastly different interests and priorities. It happens.

[MarmiteX1]

I am in the same position as you although i am few years younger than you. I only have 1 or 2 friends that maintain friendship. I guess its part of life. My advice is don't change who you are and keep going like i am.