Indifference

[brigirl92]

So just a little background of my situation.

 

Dated someone for almost a year. He broke up with me in January because of depression we both have was affecting our relationship, along with other minor issues. Pretty amicable split, and overall good relationship. Remained in limited contact for a month after split since we both desired to remain friends. Valentines Day, my ex contacted me telling me how he was thinking of me. In a weak emotional state, I gave in, we ended up flirting with each other. It was a huge set back for me emotionally, so I told my ex I wanted space to heal and to get in a better head space. I said I wanted to not talk to him for an indefinite amount of time. I realize dealing with the breakup, along with my depression, was getting to be a lot to deal with. He told me he'd give me all the space I needed, apologized for overstepping boundaries, but of course he still wants to be friends nonetheless. He wished me well, encouraged me to find productive ways to deal with my depression, and also said I could reach out whenever I felt like I needed to talk.

 

Well it's been over a month since we last spoke. He has honored my desire for space and I haven't tried to reach out to him. I'm starting to reach that level of feeling indifferent. He does cross my mind from time to time, but I don't get any emotional rise out of those thoughts. I realize this was someone I loved, thus thoughts of him just don't go away and I'm okay with that. I get nostalgic at times, and I feel emotionally numb in a weird way. I mean I'm happy I got to experience a great relationship and all, but reflecting back on the good times doesn't make me feel any type of way. It's so weird to me.

 

Honestly, the desire to be friends with him isn't really there anymore. I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to be friends further down the road, but I just don't feel like it's needed anymore. This is all so weird to me. He's a great person, but I no longer use that, or the fact that we had an amicable split, as an excuse that we NEED to be friends. When we first split, I literally couldn't fathom becoming strangers with someone who was so good to me. Now the thought of possibly becoming strangers who share a past just makes me feel...indifferent.

 

But I do have one feeling that comes from an impending, inevitable communication in the near future. That feeling is fear. I have fear that my feelings my revert. I've made so much progress and I don't want to jeopardize this. This is also why I haven't reached out to my ex yet. Majority of me just doesn't feel like reaching out to him. I am so indifferent about him. But we will have to speak soon, as I have some things in his storage that he'll finally have access to. We had already discussed that he'd see to me getting my things when we broke up, but when the time actually comes we'll have to communicate about it.

 

I'm glad that I've became indifferent, I just don't want something as simple as discussing the logistics of getting my things from storage to my new place of residence to be a setback.

 

I actually don't plan on reaching out to him until it gets really close to that time. I just don't like this impending fear that my progress might be halted no matter how much I feel indifferent and secure about our breakup. This is my first breakup and I often feel lost on how to navigate it. I feel like I've been doing good so far. It's just this small hurdle to get over.

[kbbcoop77]

There's no reason to be friends with him, friends with exes is pretty rare anyways. I am civil with my ex because we have kids who are both over 18 now so I really don't talk to her unless I have to regarding the kids. ..other than that I prefer to leave her in my rear view mirror, she broke up with me so why should I give her any of my time?