Is it worth chasing? And what would I say?

[MStowe]

Hi guys,

 

I'll try to keep this short.

 

I met someone through a mutual friend approximately one month ago and was told how they had a massive crush on me and had been stalking me on Facebook.

 

After finding it funny initially, I spent some initial time with this person and found I was quite attracted to them and we had unspoken chemistry.

 

We went on a couple of dates and again, it was really intense between us, especially when kissing.

 

I've spoken to this person most days and he has usually been the one initiating the conversation.

 

However in the last two days, he's suddenly gone cold, rarely texting and when he does he's far less warm. And when I asked to see him on the weekend he indicated he's busy working.

 

I might be going slightly crazy here but my intuition tells me something is up .... Do I say something? If so, how can I approach it with him without sounding like a mad person!

 

Its been only a few dates but I like this guy.

 

Thanks in advance.

[GTR King]

How many dates you been on with this guy??

 

He might be busy or something come up....

 

just let him text you 1st & see what happens

[mhowe]

Have you already slept with him?

[MStowe]

So far we've been on three dates. They've all been pretty intense. And we've spent hours and hours kissing together on the last one.

[MStowe]

Thank you for your reply. We've been in bed together and done stuff but we haven't slept together just yet.

[relevart]

Call him. Ask him what's up. We can only guess. He might think you two are moving too fast. Or he might busy, in bed sick or something even more mundane. Also, if there is a same sex issue going on here, how out is he? Could he be second guessing?

[MStowe]

Hey Relevant, that's the funny thing, our mutual friends have been talking about how much he likes me. And on our last date he made a joke about how he consistently stalks me on Facebook.

 

What do you mean about him second guessing?

[ParisPaulette]

I know you won't want to hear this, but it's either a) he met someone else and is suddenly all, "Oh wait here, I'm not taken yet, time to slow this one down and go check that one out" OR b) his initial attraction and interest have waned as he got to know you better and his initial idea of who you were or what it would be like was replaced by reality.

 

Not that this is a reflection on you, it's just that it's easy to have crushes and get excited and to picture someone a certain way before you get to know them. And then reality hits and you realize the person isn't like what you thought they were, or the chemistry just fades or.or.or. It may not even be anything he's conscious of or can vocalize. It just is.

 

Accept it for what it is, he's lost interest for whatever reason. Always ignore what friends tell you, because often times they're projecting their own wishes or maybe aren't seeing the change in communications. And if they're mutual friends he may not tell them the honest truth, because he doesn't want to make people mad or hurt you. But the fact is after three dates if their attraction is growing they are all over you, they don't go distant and cold.

 

It's time to move on. Even if he comes back my past experience with cases like this is he'll continue to play it hot and cold and drive you around the bend, which is not normal. Chalk this one up to a tried it, it was a no-go. You want a growing attraction and consistency in action on both sides, not this.

[SpottiOtti]

I think I would give it a few more days and see whether the behavior changes, and if not I think it's okay, given the level of intimacy that you reached with him, to call him up and say "I've noticed your behavior toward me has changed - what's up?" If he tries to pretend you are imagining things or gets defensive, I'd move on.

 

I think Relevart's question was: Is it possible he is not as out and open about his sexuality as you, and is that maybe contributing to his behavior?

[Misskitty16]

You already asked him to get together and he said he was busy. The ball is now in his court, and I would not contact him again (until he contacts you). I am more with ParisPaulette on this one, but we will see. I know you like him and it is not easy, though.

[MStowe]

Thanks very much for the wise words everyone. It makes sense. A small update - today he's been texting me quite a number of times with small talk. I've also been ill so he was asking me how I was feeling.

 

I've said to him it would be great to catch up and when I'm free so the ball is now in his court.

 

It's highly confusing and easy to get sucked in when he consistently messages me but the action doesn't feel there. But I like him so I'm going to try and go with it and not get too sucked into getting upset over it.

 

Fingers crossed