Dealing with a Long-Term Relationship Breakup Help!

[southernbell22]

Hello, enotalone!

I have been reading through these forums for a very long time and I decided that perhaps it would help if I started a thread of my own to help me with my problem in particular.

Im gonna try to keep it as short as possible (but even then, I know this will be long)

 

Some background info before I keep going: We had a really strong connection with each other; we dated about 5 days after meeting each other because we just clicked really well together. When I met him, we were both in a really bad place. I had gotten my heart broken by my first love five months before and he was having a lot of trouble at home, with substance abuse, and depression as well. During the first month or two I was there with him at his lowest and almost every night I had to convince him not to commit suicide (this made me develop even stronger anxiety than I had already) and basically the only reason he is alive today is because of me.

As time went on we grew closer together and I began to make him feel happier about things, helped him build self confidence, and got him to stop taking pills and other really bad kinda drugs, alcohol, helped him get better at school, improved his behavior at home. We were completely in love with each other and both headed in a better direction together as well and both of our parents and friends thought we made a good pair. I was his first love.

I don't know exactly when a shift happened to tell you the truth but little by little he began to take me for granted or do things that would really upset me. He never celebrated my birthday (he was away at camp and came back home the day after and I didn't even get a happy birthday), not that I wanted him to buy me anything but we could've hanged out, when I was having an anxiety attack I asked him to come and see me- this was the only time I'd ever asked him to help me like that ever- he said no because he wanted to take acid with his friends and he's "already cancelled on them so many times before", when my grandfather passed he didn't even offer to see me, he'd always cancel plans on me the day before they happened, he'd take me to places to meet with his friends and promised he wouldn't smoke weed since I don't do it and always did it anyway, and he had only taken me out on one date in the whole year and 2 months we'd been together and he was high.

All of this got worse as time went on and he had changed into a new school where he knew no one and made friends with people who started to pull him back to where he was before: doing drugs and drinking. At this point we'd been arguing a lot because I just wasn't feeling appreciated or loved at all and he couldn't even take the time to see me more than once a week and I began to become depressed. Every time he hurt me and I'd tell him I'd always end up apologizing for making him feel bad. One of the final breaking points was when he took molly and I got really worried for him and told him I didn't want him doing it again (even his friends were concerned about it) and he got really angry at me and told me I was being stupid and that it was safe and that's when I felt that I had lost him, later that night he met up with one of his chick friends and nothing happened but it just upset me.

Finally towards the end we had an actual face-to-face conversation about what was going wrong and I told him how I felt and we were both crying and he was holding me telling me that he did not want to break up with me and I asked if he liked anyone else and he said no, that he only loved me and that I meant everything to him and that I saved him and that there's no way he could feel for someone else because he has a hard time feeling for others in the first place.

A week later he broke up with me through text and the reason being that he got bored with me and felt like he was too young, I asked him if he still loved me or if that feeling had been gone long ago and he said that he still did love me very much and we ended the conversation saying our final I love you. I haven't contacted him since except one or two times about getting some of my things back.

Some of his friends had talked to me and have told me that he didn't treat me right and that he was stupid for ending it and others thought that I was really a positive force in his life and that they don't think anyone could love him or be more perfect for him than me. But I suppose he wanted to see what that greener grass was about and couldn't commit (which I know, commitment is a really hard thing for teens and all).

A month (or sooner I think) after the break up he had begun seeing (but not dating I think) the same girl he met up with after taking the molly pill and I'm assuming they're still talking if they're not together by now anyway. I know for a fact that he never cheated on me with this girl though.

So here I am, three months later on enotalone. I don't cry about it anymore at all and feel much better but sometimes the feeling gets to me and thinking of him and the other girl together makes my stomach drop a little.

Do you think he will ever come back at all somewhere down the line (although honestly right now I think if he did, I'd reject him)? Could he had possibly forgotten and lost all feelings for me so soon or at all?

And what advice could you give me about this?

What bothers me most is that we could've worked out if only he had tried and that no matter how much I gave or how much I was there for him it wasn't enough.

I am only 17 (and he's a year younger btw) so it's really hard for me personally to deal with these kinds of feelings still.

 

Sorry this is long! This is the most basic explanation I could give and it would've been a lot longer if I went into more detail.

[Xylitol]

The killer thing about drugs is that the addiction is so strong that you chose drugs over friends, family , lovers and your own personal health in order to fullfill the craving that a drug addict seeks.

 

First off all, you are not a boring person like he said. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how you behave etc etc. He told you , you were boring because you don't do drugs. I remember from a person i know, he and his friends did a lot of drugs, and the guy decided he wanted to quit drugs. Then the friends came to his house, and he explained how he didn't want to do drugs anymore. All of his friends stood up and left the house, he panickly said: But we can still be friends right? The friends replied: There's nothing to gain here in this house anymore. So in other words , then didn't care anything about this person.

 

And the same is happening to you. You were a positive influence in his life, and you did a lot of good things. However the attraction to drugs is stronger then his attraction towards you. That's why he chose doing acid with his friends, rather then going to your birthday. He liked this other girl above you, "because" she was doing drugs. Yay , now he can get high and have a girl at the same time.

 

I'll be frank with you, this guy is dead. He'll go from one trouble into the other trouble until he dies. You want to stay as far away from this guy as possible, one day "and mark my words" he's going to either call you or stand in front of your house, begging you to take him back. When that moment comes in your life you have to say "you chose drugs over me,so goodbye" and then slamm either the door in his face, or smack the phone on the horn.

 

Look, i'll tell you this much. Loving someone is one thing, but that does not mean you should allow yourself to be dragged into a black hole hell of despair. You want your life to be clean from drugs, you want to throw all the negativity out of your life, and only allow positivity into your life. Second,

 

You cannot save this guy, it's not your job. He needs rehab and a professional psychiatrist to help him over his problems. You cannot provide this kind of help so don't go back into his life as he will only pull you down.

 

Get yourself a healthy guy with a good education that has a future to offer to you. Never ever touch drugs in your life, get yourself a good education, have some self worth and don't throw your precious life away to the lions, or things that drag you down. Why not? Because you deserve the very best. And not some armageddon of some sort.

 

Yes i also feel sorry for him, but you have to preserve your own life first.

[southernbell22]

This is honestly the best piece of advice I have heard about the situation ever so far thank you for being so honest with me and not trying to sugar coat, I value that.

I think I am doing well at realizing all the points you have made which means I am making good progress and I agree with everything you've said.

At least now I know what I do not want in the next person I get with and the situation has taught me to also put myself first sometimes too!

It has also allowed me to really recognize my worth.

[SooSad33]

Hi Silver,

I know this all hurts but you do at least realize this relationship.. and this guy, is toxic.

The fact that he had issue's before he met you. And that carried on in your relationship.

 

I know, right now you're in pain and you do miss him, but in time you will realize what was going on and it's affects on you and the relation was no good!

Like an alcy, it is very hard to have anything work with someone like that.

 

And it time you'll feel that this BU was actually a good thing. It is sad he has such problems .. and hopefully someday he will realize it isn't good and get help for it.

BUT, now you have to back off, and accept & heal from all of this.

 

Give it time.. one day at a time.

 

tc

[southernbell22]

Bumping this up because I feel as though I've hit another wall

 

TLDR;

 

For a year I supported my ex who had many many home and mental and drug related problems, we were each others first loves. Towards the end he began to treat me badly (didn't support when my grandfather passed, always always put drugs and his friends in front of me) and we'd argue a lot but about the same problems because he wouldn't put in the same effort as me. Although he was the one doing a lot of the wrong, he broke up with me although he still loved me because he "got bored" and felt like he was too young (can't commit) and that he was worried I was the only relationship he'd get to experience (this was both our first LTR)

 

about two weeks after breaking up he began to go out with another chick who was probably there for him during our rough times. Since the breakup, he's been getting deeper into drugs and drinking and blacking out on the weekends.

 

I don't really want to get back with him I'm sorta just in this angry state of mind about it and wondering how he could possibly start dating so quickly (I think this is a rebound but of course one is never sure). I have nothing against the girl, in fact, I think shes a pretty cool and sweet person. I'm just upset that I'm still so bothered about all of this.

 

Although I know the focus should be set on moving on (and it is honestly) do you ever think he will look back and realize he lost a good thing or really regret it and act on it?(I know he really felt like I was the one that got away through one of his friends, this was when the break up was fresh).

 

I would really like some input/opinions/advice

Thank you!

[mhowe]

No...he won't. His maturity stopped when his drug addiction started. He will continue a cycle of relationships and break ups...never learning nor looking back.