her dad is a jerk

[Raiders79]

ok well over winter break i met this girl at one of my friends house... i dont go to school with either one of them or anything... but we were at his house (there were like 10 of us there) and it was kind of a small party. we were just hanging out and somebody said we should watch a movie. so we stuck one in (i dont even remember what movie it was) but that girl sat next to me. about half way through the movie she leaned her head on my shoulder so i put my arm around her and we kinda cuddled for a lil bit. then she got thirsty and got a drink for me and her. when she came back she decided to sit on my lap instead of next to me which was definitely cool with me. so we reclined in the couch and cuddled and talked. didnt watch the movie at all. but anyways... the other guys went out to the hot tub and the two of us stayed there together. we kept on talking and she started kissing my neck and ...... other stuff happened... it ended up with me stopping her cuz we just met... and both of us are virgins and i just didnt think it was worth it right there... i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime and she said no... i was shocked and went home... about a week later she finally called me (i wouldve called her but i didnt have her # and i dont know her last name either lol and i dont know how she got mine)... anyways she said the reason she said no wasnt cuz she wasnt interested in me but it was because her parents are VERY overprotective.

 

I asked her dad if i could date her and he straight up told me no. i asked if he would be alright with it if we had a dinner with them first or something so he could meet me and see what im like and he shot that idea down... he really just doesnt want her to date anybody... well we talked on the phone for a while after that without her dad knowing... but one day during our conversation he picked up the phone in the middle of our conversation and started yelling at her and grounded her from the phone...

 

i guess all i want to know is what do you think i could try to see if her dad would ever let it happen... cuz im not gonna date her behind her parents back. i dont think it would work too well that way... thanks for reading this LONG post and replying...

[carribean chick]

Have you ever asked her why her father is so protective of her? Is it because she betrayed their trust before when they did let her date? Or is it just because he's an overprotective father? Why don't you find that out first.. but also in the meantime Try to talk to her Mom.. Most likely if you can win the Mom's heart she will tell the Father to back off a bit. And by "winning her heart" I mean find out a time that the Father is not home and go over with some flowers (NOT ROSES) for the Mom and try to sit down and talk to her about how you just want to take her daughter to dinner and a movie... and see where the conversation goes from there. Persistence beats resistance!

[BellaDonna]

Her dad has not accepted that his daughter is growing up yet. My father was the same way- him and my grandfather would joke around and say they'd "kill" anyone I dated.....now I know they were both gentle and loving men and just hated to see me grow up.

 

Fathers see any guy that wants to date their daughters as hormone-enraged, animalistic predators, trying to get their daughters in bed (even if they are NOT). That's his "little girl" you know. Some dads remember how they may have thought themselves at 16 and how horny they were- and the experiences they wanted to have, and what they did with girls they dated. You are being stereotyped, unfortunately. And I'm sure daddy would blame you for his daughter sitting on your lap too- even if you did not initiate anything. He cannot accept the fact that his daughter is becoming a woman- and with that comes sexuality. He's denying that part of her being exists right now. So you'll be the villian no matter what- even if it is mutual.

 

Fact of the matter is - when you're a teenager- dating is NORMAL, experimenting is NORMAL. Parents did it too when they were your age and that's why they struggle, knowing their kids are going to do it. Some parents let their kids grow up more easily than others. Some protection (looking out for your teen) is a good thing. But this dad is being over-protective and creating a situation where his daughter will NEVER go to him or confide in him, she'll sneak behind his back. I know because I did it myself when I was 16. I got into a lot of trouble. I was grounded a million times.

 

I always say I will NEVER do that to my child. I even made my brother turn a million shades of red- he's 16, and I knew my parents would be just as strict with him- so I recently gave him the whole sex talk in case they were being over-protective. but at least now he knows he can go to me about girls/dating/sex, or any other problems or feelings he's having and I won't judge him. The worst thing to do is shut a teenager out.

 

BTW the way- my family now accepts and ADORES my "date" ( now husband)- we met when I was a teenager and I guess he FINALLY convinced my father and grandfather (after 9 YEARS and a wedding!) that he was out for more than a cheap thrill with me! But they absolutely hated me dating him (or anyone) when I was a teenager. They'd rather see me play barbie dolls....or knit.... or become a nun.....anything but grow up....

 

I agree with Caribbean chick that your only hope is to kiss up to her mom. If it's still a "no no" to date her after that and her dad never warms up to you- then you have to ask yourself if you want to be the guy she has to "sneak" with- It sounds like her dad could have a temper by the way he acts on the phone. Be cautious. Should the 2 of you ever decide to be intimate- be SAFE and USE PROTECTION....This sounds liek the LAST person you'd ever want to have an unplanned pregnancy with- her dad would likely flip out....

 

Good luck!

 

-BellaDonna

[Raiders79]

hey thanks to both of you for ur input... especially you BellaDonna... since youve been there. well see im not planning on sneaking around with her no matter how fun that does sound lol i also dont want to have sex with anyone yet... so thanks for the whole protection and be safe thing but i wont need protection... my pants will stay zipped i assure you... ive learned a lot of things from my brother's mistakes and i dont need my life to be sped up by having a baby or anything so im just gonna not even risk it...

 

but i think you might be right about them not wanting to see her grow up and i think maybe i could suck up to her mom... but ive never seen or talked to her mom... and i havent even talked to this girl very much since i only met her over winter break and shes been grounded from the phone ever since basically... so ive never seen her dad ive only talked to him on the phone for very brief periods of time where it was only him yelling and me trying to get out a peep... lol... well im starting to get over it, i mean i really wanted to be with her... i had soooooooo much fun with her and i know she did too... and she is really beautiful... i dunno... i

 

m kind of confused by this whole thing. im usually loved by all parents of EVERYONE... i mean my friends parents even call me their son, and one (who has 4 boys) calls me the "good son that she never had"... so i just am not used to being treated like this i guess... ill get over it eventually but i really like this girl... ill try the whole suckin up to the mom thing... but i dont even know where she lives exactly... i know what city its in and the neighborhood but i dont know the house... so i cant just go over there and expect to see her mom... but i could try calling and hope that either her or her mom picks up... cuz if her dad picks up then he surely will know my voice and hang up...

 

if you have any more input or anything that i could do PLEASE chime in and help me... THANKS A LOT