Confused twentysomething virgin.

[Mcq]

This might be a long read, so in advance I apologise.

 

I got talking to this guy online, he seemed really nice. We had an amazing first date, it was actually incredible. He knew from the very beginning that I was a virgin. I explained to him that I wasn't able to give myself to someone without attachment. He found that amazing, he applauded me, he was really shocked. After our second date, which also went really well, he messaged me after saying that he had an urge to kiss me but was scared that it would freak me out. I basically said that I would have loved it if he did, and he agreed that he would keep that in mind. Also, when I say Virgin, I mean I have not kissed or done anything with anyone before in my life. Nothing.

 

The third date came and I was ready for that kiss! He made me feel things about myself that I'd never felt before. Being with him was so exciting. The compliments, the gestures I was just overwhelmed! At the very end of our date he started to seem distant and uncomfortable. I wasn't really sure why. When I got to my car, I looked at him waiting for it. There was nothing. I couldn't believe it. Nothing. I leaned in to hug him and kiss him on the cheek, but he felt so stiff. He said he would call me sometime to do something with me again. I drove home completely shattered. I was so sad.

 

I messaged him after I got home, thanking him for taking me out. He responded, said he'd had fun.

And then I said it. I really like you.

 

He didn't say it back. He messaged me saying he has been thinking about what an amazing guy I am, how beautiful and kind and nice it is to be around me. But that he couldn't be my first. He said that no one ever stays with their first boyfriend and he was looking for something permanent with someone. Basically he didn't want me to have sex with him and then leave him. I couldn't believe how weird it was! I said the reason why I hadn't been with anyone was because I wanted to find someone to be with. I said I was looking for something permanent too. He didn't text me back. For three days there was nothing. I was heartbroken. I really liked him. I had never felt this way about anyone before. Then out of the blue, he texts me asking how I am. Like nothing happened. I played it cool and didn't say anything about it, then finally said that I inderstood how he feels and that I would like to remain friends. I didn't want to lose out on this amazing connection. He was shocked, he assumed we would remain as friends already. He explained that he didn't want to be the first because the first never lasts, and I want to last.

 

I don't know how I can change his mind. We've seen each other since but strictly platonic. It hurts me so much because I care for him. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He made me so happy. He texts me things now like, you're cute, I wish you were my boyfriend??? Why would he say those things to me? I feel tormented I don't know what to do.

 

Please if anyone has any advice or ideas please help me.

 

Xx

[Capricorn3]

I think he's messing with you. (btw, are you male or female? I can't quite figure it out).

[Mcq]

I'm male. I just don't understand why he would do this. He talked in depth that he wanted to find someone to spend the rest of his life with. Knowing all that he knew about me, I would have thought that things would go well. The thought of letting go of him hurts me so much. I'm so confused and to be honest heartbroken.

[Capricorn3]

I can understand you are confused, anybody would be. I definitely get the impression he's messing with you. Why? Who knows. Some people are bored, or they like the power they have over you, or he enjoyed the ego boost. All that stuff about can't be your first - that is so lame and is letting you down easy. I say move on. This is not it.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with moving on. For whatever reasons, this isn't going to go as you hoped.

 

May I make a suggestion? I don't think it's necessary for you to explain everything about your virginity status and how you can't have sex without attachment right off the mark. I think you might be at risk of attracting a certain type of douchebag by sharing that so early. They don't need to know all that so soon before you are even dating them. They will find out as you date and get to know each other. And as you suss out each other; both ways.

 

I'm sorry this was disappointing for you but I'm glad for you that you are out there getting your feet wet. Dating isn't always easy. But it can be pretty awesome too.

 

There will be lots of men who will make you feel how you have felt. You are just discovering all this; but I promise you, there will be many more times you will feel excited about a guy!

[Mcq]

I see what you are saying. I just feel like such an idiot. We had so much in common, everything was perfect. I'm scared really. So so scared that I will never find somebody and be so alone. I am the only single person left of all my friends. It might sound ridiculous, but I feel like I never want to open my heart to anyone ever again. This has scarred me so much.

[Mcq]

Thank you for your insight itsallgrand. I really appreciate that so much I will remember what you said.

[Willywagtail]

May I make a suggestion? I don't think it's necessary for you to explain everything about your virginity status and how you can't have sex without attachment right off the mark. I think you might be at risk of attracting a certain type of douchebag by sharing that so early. They don't need to know all that so soon before you are even dating them. They will find out as you date and get to know each other. And as you suss out each other; both ways.

 

^^^

This is the most important thing.

 

You sound young, so it's your inexperience that's guiding you. Don't make your inexperience your defining feature.

 

I don't think he was messing with you. I think he liked you and didn't want to hurt you.

[lukeb]

It is better to meet people through friends or social situations rather than online. Keep expectations low, look at it as a way to meet people generally if the guy you are on date with isn't the one it is possible you could meet someone through him, his friends, people he knows.