aderane2k Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I've hit a wall in my relationship. I've been dating this woman for 3 months, she's recently out of a long and bad relationship that ended with attempted suicide on his part. When we first got together, it was very loving and hot, but it's since cooled off. I'm taking it slow with her, but I do tell her how I feel about her, perhaps a little much. She's a loner, and doesn't really go out. She has two friends, and only one of them she can actually see. Majority of her time is spent at home watching Netflix and being alone. So she's told me that coming out with me is a big deal for her. She works Tuesday through Saturday in a job where she has to talk to people all day, so she uses Saturdays as her "decompression" day, and just shuts off. Anyway, we went on a day trip February 1st, and I asked her to be my Valentine at the end. She didn't say no, but kissed me. Last weekend, we went out for date night, and then this week conversation has died down. We normally text a few times each day. Yesterday she sends me a message out of the blue, wishing me a good day, and asking if we could go out Friday night instead of Saturday. My answer to her was that, "Whether it's Friday, VDay, or both, if we're together, it's a good plan." I have not heard anything from her since, nearly 24 hours ago. I haven't sent her anything because I don't want to make things worse, because I can't help but think I've made her feel pressured about a stupid little holiday. We aren't a couple yet, and we haven't talked about what we think about VDay If we had, she'd know all I want to do is see her, not even go out and do anything romantic. I don't know what to do, because it's a weird feeling right now. Do I wait for her to say anything? Do I apologize if I made her feel uncomfortable? I wish we had talked about it, and made plans to NOT spend it together, so the pressure was off. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 She wants to go out Friday night. Make a plan and convey it to her. Do not apologize. Then on Fri, ask if she would like to do something on Sat, or if she would rather take it as her decompression day like always. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 You sent her a response that doesn't require a response. You offered to make plans, she asked for Friday instead of Sat and it seems like you agreed to Friday. So now make the plans and contact her to confirm them with her in terms of time/location/activity. Given that today is Thursday, probably would be good if you do that sooner rather than later. Also, treat her like a normal human being, not some damaged flower. It's not fair to her when you look and analyze everything she does or doesn't do as if she is a victim of some kind. If she likes you, she'll carry on with you. If she decides she wants to be alone for awhile, then she'll do what she needs to do for herself. She is a grown woman capable of taking care of herself. Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't think she is ready to date you. She seems lost in her life and unhappy with herself. She hides away works in a job she doesn't enjoy and doesn't have much of a social life. She needs to find her own way and in a way she sounds like my ex. In life your either running from it or living it. She is running away with it and probably doesn't want to be a burden on you hence why she isn't ready to date you. You might think your being nice to her by sticking around but all your doing is distracting her from her issues and masking them. I have to ask you what you see in this? Relationships are built on solid foundations and she isn't at the same stage as you right now. You have to see yourself bigger than the situation your in. Many people stay in unhealthy situations and relationships because that's all they think they deserve. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't see how your message would have put any kind of pressure on her. If anything, it's a sweet message and the fact that she didn't reply at all (in 24 hrs) tells me that she's not that into you. Have you always been the one making plans? Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 My answer to her was that, "Whether it's Friday, VDay, or both, if we're together, it's a good plan." I think that you are trying to be sweet and reassuring here, but as someone who came out of a similar relationship to the one you described of hers, I can tell you that it comes accross to me as smother-y and putting pressure on. I got the impression you were pushing for hanging out both days, while simultaneously reminding her how you feel about her. You seem like a great guy and I'm not dinging you at all, but you have to understand that she'll probably be hypersensitive to anything that smacks of emotional manipulation for a long time (attempted suicide being the ultimate in emotional manipulation). Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 She's a loner, and doesn't really go out. She has two friends, and only one of them she can actually see. Majority of her time is spent at home watching Netflix and being alone. I'm curious about how this is attractive, exactly? I'm sure she has other redeeming qualities, but these seem like potentially huge problems or at the least, a sign of depression. If she's recently out of a bad relationship, what's she doing dating? Regarding the plans; just do as others suggested and text her your idea for Friday night. You're tiptoeing around her for no reason. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- " I don't think she is ready to date you. She seems lost in her life and unhappy with herself. She hides away works in a job she doesn't enjoy and doesn't have much of a social life. She needs to find her own way and in a way she sounds like my ex. In life your either running from it or living it. She is running away with it and probably doesn't want to be a burden on you hence why she isn't ready to date you. You might think your being nice to her by sticking around but all your doing is distracting her from her issues and masking them. I have to ask you what you see in this? Relationships are built on solid foundations and she isn't at the same stage as you right now. You have to see yourself bigger than the situation your in. Many people stay in unhealthy situations and relationships because that's all they " agree with this! Link to comment
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